Young Writers Society

Incredible. The angst. Lovely.

You should complete the poem with a translation into something else.

But for what it is:


This is a angsty poem that works well for being there. You gotta get out there and live! It'll help but don't do drugs, tried it, not worth it unless you want to get high and stare at a wall for 15 minutes... lol

But an experience to ground this in would help so much.

Hi there! ^^

So, the first thing I noticed is that the way your friend assigns a meaning to the words is quite interesting, as a lot of them seem to contradict and yet make sense still. Like with brokenness being assigned to the meaning of "the only thing that makes me complete" is super duper great juxtaposition of two things that shouldn't go together yet it's powerful when they are next to each other. There are also examples of this in the sorrow part, but mostly at the point where you begin with depression, as the two "settings" created add another kind of depth to the poem as if the reader is actually in the narrator's shoes.

As the poem keeps going on, I'm noticing that the words that your friend start with decrease in actual value as the poem keeps on. Depression and arson are two different ideas with different ways of portraying them, and the way someone would describe them in poetic language is deeply influenced by other outside factors. That's also when the meaning assigned to the word starts to increase in specificity and personal connection to the narrator, making it seem like an important thing to the writer of the poem.

Also, quick note, not exactly sure how the arson comes into play? Maybe it pairs along with the prison image of solitary confinement relating to a more literal sense that the narrator is stuck in a prison. I could also see a more metaphorical route happening there, related to the subject of isolation so commonly seen in poetry like this. I enjoy the fact that there is a lot of room to imagine what has happened, which especially happens in a poem that is only one stanza and quite open-ended in its topic from the jump.

But yes, I really did like this! I agree that it was sometimes chaotic as the other reviewer has mentioned to you, but it pairs nicely with the whole "screw the establishment" feel I get from the language used in it. Tell your friend that they did do a wonderful job with this, and that I hope to see more poetry from them in the future!

Hey, this is LP, here to review! I really like this poem, it's chaotic and I'm living for it lol. I can connect with this poem and it's just nice to read. Tell your friend I give them a 10/10 and that they did well.

Well,this could be what a void would feel if they were a person.I don’t know if that’s what your friend wanted,but it does sound like a poem a void would write if they were a living person.I thought that the funniest line was:”Vengeance-the definition of humanity.” I mean,how else can you describe us humans? Anyway,I hope you have a nice day/night.