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the scream.

by cryptologenic


I AM YOUNG NOW, BUT WHEN I WAS YOUNGER THERE WAS A SCREAM STUCK IN MY THROAT. THE DOCTORS TRIED EVERYTHING TO HELP ME: MEDICATION, COUNSELLING, SURGERY, YET IT REMAINED FIRMLY LODGED IN MY LARYNX, SLIGHTLY OFF KILTER AND PETULANT AS A CHILD. WHEN I LOOKED AT MY PARENTS, MY CLASSMATES AND FRIENDS, IT BULGED IN MY NECK; IT THREATENED TO BURST PAST ME AND BEGGED TO BE FREE. I COULD SCARCELY LOOK MYSELF IN THE MIRROR MOST DAYS, THE WHISPER OF IT SLIDING PAST MY LIPS AND COILING THROUGH MY HAIR. IT WHINED THROUGH THE HOUSE AND GRATED ON THE HINGES, BUT I COULDN’T HELP IT. IT MADE ME BITE AT THE AIR FOR SOMETHING WORTH BREATHING, MY TEETH CLOSING IN ON NOTHING EVERY TIME THEY MET. I GROUND MY TEETH TO STUBS.

ONE DAY, IT RAPPED AGAINST MY GULLET, PULSING AGAINST MY COLLARBONE, AND I COULDN’T TAKE IT ANY LONGER. I DECIDED TO LET IT OUT.

IT LEFT EASIER THAN IT CAME, GUSHING FORTH LIKE RIVULETS OVER MY BATHROOM FLOOR. STRENGTH LEFT ME IN A BREATH AND PRONE ON THE GROUND. I DIDN’T NOTICE IT THEN, BUT THE SCREAM HAD TAKEN MY VOICE WITH IT.

THE DAYS PASSED AND MY SILENCE CRESCENDOED. THE DOCTORS DIDN’T EVEN BOTHER THIS TIME. I WAS ANGUISHED, DESPERATE NOT TO BECOME ANOTHER CREATURE ON THE MANTELPIECE, BUT MY STARE GREW BLANKER AND MY TONGUE GREW HEAVIER—

desperation left me, and it was all i could do not to keel over from the loss.


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Wed Oct 20, 2021 6:00 pm
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rrym15733 says...



Hey? Rhyme, here!!! This is so amazing, All your readers and can your poem.

Also I love this so much. I loved your wording so much.

But a few small notes

"IT LEFT EASIER THAN IT CAME, GUSHING FORTH LIKE RIVULETS OVER MY BATHROOM FLOOR. STRENGTH LEFT ME IN A BREATH AND PRONE ON THE GROUND. I DIDN’T NOTICE IT THEN, BUT THE SCREAM HAD TAKEN MY VOICE WITH IT."

Other then that I loved it!!!






heyo! welcome to yws :3
thank you for the review, i don't quite understand what you're trying to say, but i appreciate the comment :]



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Wed Oct 20, 2021 12:04 am
Kz wrote a review...



Hey! Kz, here! I just wanted to say...
OMFG!!! I absolutely love this.

Some quick things...

"I DECIDED TO LET IT OUT.

IT LEFT EASIER THAN IT CAME, GUSHING FORTH LIKE RIVULETS OVER MY BATHROOM FLOOR. STRENGTH LEFT ME IN A BREATH AND PRONE ON THE GROUND. I DIDN’T NOTICE IT THEN, BUT THE SCREAM HAD TAKEN MY VOICE WITH IT.

THE DAYS PASSED AND MY SILENCE CRESCENDOED"

I like it how you said, "my silence crescendoed", as we usually don't write silence as a thing that increases in volume. This is by far- the most amazing piece of text iv'e read in the past month (*and it prob will continue to be the best*). and I read. A LOT!!!






that's very flattering, thank you :]



Kz says...


Lolz



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Tue Oct 19, 2021 12:08 am
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WinnyWriter wrote a review...



Hey, there. Allow me to pop in for a quick review. :)

I like how you used all caps to emphasize the concept of screaming. And then at the end, when the narrator is left in weakness, the way you reversed to lower-case letters is appropriate.

You've done well in the depiction of the emotions. Your choice of words build the tension and the feeling of desperation that the narrator is experiencing. It's quite a lyrical short story, really. In order to make its poetry categorization more accurate, I'd suggest formatting it into shorter lines, making sure to break and begin a new line in places that keep it flowing. I'm not the best at non-rhymed poetry, so I don't really have any great tips for that, but I definitely think that breaking it up into smaller lines would make it more poetic. But if that's not what you're aiming for, this is totally fine as well; I'd just think about re-categorizing it as a short story.

You have a great writing ability! Thanks for sharing this with us. :)






thank you for the kind words! about the categorisation of the poem, i think it's more fitting as a poem than a short story. it's a lot more condensed and the 'plot' is more emotion driven than actually action driven,, if that makes sense. it's more of a monologue than a story. also if i were to make it a short story i'd want to lengthen it and i don't think most readers would enjoy a full page of all caps screaming hehe. thanks for the review, i'll keep working on my poetry ><



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Mon Oct 18, 2021 9:57 pm
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vampricone6783 wrote a review...



I’m interested to know more about the meaning behind the poem.Is this about not being able to express multiple emotions and always feeling lost? Is it about not finding or not accepting your true self? Is is it about a literal scream being stuck inside someone’s throat and taking their voice away? I thought this was a very powerful poem and the lack of caps in the end make it more powerful.I hope you have a good day/night.






i think it's kind of about like,, losing your drive to fight. sometimes in my life i see things that make me want to scream. (nfts are a good example but i won't go into it). it's kind of unbearable to see all these incredibly frustrating things happening around the world and it's even more tempting to just stop caring and let go of that 'scream'. but when you do let go of it, you let go of your passion and voice as well. so i do think it's important to keep that anger within all of us so we can keep fighting for what we believe in. thank you for the review!





You%u2019re welcome!




If a nation loses its storytellers, it loses its childhood.
— Peter Handke