Young Writers Society

Hey it's Caite drooping by with a review.This poem made me take a minute and think. it is absolutely stunning. I love the flow and your choice of words. I love how you ask questions. personally those questions and made me slow down and actually think. You did a great job with this piece of wonderful art. I hope your day / night is fantastic.

Hey it's Caite drooping by with a review.This poem made me take a minute and think. it is absolutely stunning. I love the flow and your choice of words. I love how you ask questions. personally those questions and made me slow down and actually think. You did a great job with this piece of wonderful art. I hope your day / night is fantastic.

Hi LiviLove! Welcome to YWS ^^ I'm here to leave a quick review on your poem.

First off, I like the topic you chose for your poem! It's a fairly common worry that people have as they start to grow older, so I think a poem is a good medium to explore these thoughts in a creative way. You also have some good images throughout this, such as pairing the belief in a spell with fading to a magical land far away. You also have some good ideas, such as the fear of being forgotten and the ever fleeting nature of life.

However, I think the rhyme of the poem takes away from it more than it helps. Writing a good rhyming poem is really difficult, because you don't want the rhymes to feel too forced and take the reader out of the poem. If you want to have a consistent rhyming scheme throughout your poem, you need to make sure it actually stays consistent, not just dropping it for a few lines and picking it up again, because it is jarring to the reader when it stops. Also, writing a rhyming scheme into a poem is really constricting, since you feel like you have to write around the rhyme instead of just writing how you feel.

My recommendation might be to try the poem without the rhymes and see what you can do with it. Or if you want some tips on how to write some more natural sounding rhymes, you can check out this resource on rhyming!

The other thing I would like to mention is that while you have a good basis for your idea, I'm not sure what the ending of the poem is trying to say. You may want to think about what the "arc" of your poem is and what you want to convey through it. Do you want the reader to come away feeling more optimistic about life, like a live life to the fullest kind of mindset? Or do you want them to reflect inwardly about what they're doing right now/how they're using their life? What is the theme of the poem? Writing with a clear goal in mind can make your ideas come across better to the reader ^^ Right now it feels like the narrator is thinking about things fading, worrying about what will happen in the afterlife essentially, and then say to not be scared. But where does that development come from? What changed? Try to include some of that transition in there too to bring the reader along on the emotional journey

Otherwise, I think you have a nice start, but you could focus the idea a little more and also try out some different writing styles so you're not so confined by the poem's structure. Let me know if you have any questions about my review!

Happy writing
~ Wolfe

I'm a fan of the perfect crime. Who wants all that life? Love your poetry.

Your message is sound. If you want to be more intense work on more narrative elements. Think basic experiences.

You need to streamline your poem for some serious benefit.

It's so clunky for flow.

Good luck. Hope to see more of this.

well this really got through me.
it is really great.
i mean starting from the title to every single line.
specially this line got into me
{
We fade away to a land that no one truly knows.
}
i mean everything in here i really appreciate and love.
this is such an amazing work
keep it up.

Hello, Hikari here with a review!

First I love the name you gave this poem it goes really well with the theme (names are always hard to come up with aren't they?)

This is honestly a work of art like its really fresh and puts into words what we've all thought at one point or another!

{What’s with nothing being forever?

Who thought it was so clever?

to give everyone such a short amount of time?

It seems like such a perfect crime.}

It is a crime isn't it? To want to do something much but only having time for so little?



{Nothing stays.

Yet, we put the effort into the smallest things.}


I think this was my favorite line because its true! We spend hours focusing on making things pretty or perfect (whether that's ourselves, others, or a project we enjoy such as writing)

{Holding on tightly as to not lose ourselves.

As if we believe in some spell.}

Hmm I don't think this flows very well maybe try

(Holding on tightly so as not to lose ourselves

As if we believe in some type of spell)

I think that flows better but its just a suggestion!


{We fade away to a land that no one truly knows.

A place we have to assume is everything we wish for.

Yet, we have to question it.}

Ah the question of what happens after death, a question as old as death itself.


{Hoping no one forgets.

Is It this easy to disappear?

To fall with no one to hear?

To be forgotten?

Without a trace.}

Ah another question 'will I make the history book?' Probably not. But we wish.

{I thought that this world was mine.

Truth is we all are running out of time.}

This is another line I really like!

{Doesn’t that make our life feel like such a lie?

Where would I have gone without this knowledge?

Will they even teach you this in college?}

Lots of things in life are a lie and lots of things they don't teach in college


{I could be more advanced in this nature

Or so behind it was already discovered.

Will I ever think of the true meaning?

Maybe I could use a brain cleaning.}


Im having trouble putting into words how I feel about this but I get what your saying.

{Will we all fade?

Hiding away in a deep shade.

Feels like such a game,

One that’s filled with our shame.}

True life is a game one for those games where you spin a wheel lol!

{Welcome to life

Don’t be to scared,

but always come prepared.}

Sound advice haha don't be afraid to try something knew but be careful.

Anyways that was my interpretation/live reaction, I liked your poem, kudos! ❤

I like this poem alot it shows the pain of the narrorator sorry if i spelled that wrong. also just fyi you username is your email. i would like if you came and reviewed me on my new work. I like how you asked, "will we all fade?" i like how you say that because it just shows that he/she is questioning if we all will eventually disappear. I also like how you said, " Don’t be to scared,
but always come prepared." It just shows how s/he is just saying when your time comes come prepared and to not be scared on what your death will bring,