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Helpless Glows

by YourFriendQuirks08


I wandered through the deep, dark alleys as I gathered my thoughts. I was alone, finally. I could have a minute of peace to really think for myself ; not for him or her. It felt strange. I was allowed to think without the others yelling behind me…

I continued to slowly jaunt through the lane. There were rubbish bags scattered all over the place, some coming up to my waist in a filthy stench. The rain fell harshly onto my thin, ripped hoodie, however it was silent. I kicked a puddle of dirty, brown mud: I messed up my boots to shreds, who was I to care though.

I shuddered in the bitter breeze and hugged myself tight. I carried on walking...softly...down...the...lane. My glasses fogged up to the point where I chucked them on the floor, the sudden shatter of the lenses made my heart jump. I walked quicker now, to avoid the now revolting smell of the rubbish sacks.

I wanted to go home but I couldn’t. I had no home now after all, just my soaked rags and a mini phone, with nothing more than a narrow, broken screen and 4 buttons still intact. Why did I bother anymore? It was not like someone was going to love me, so why bother? I stumbled on a large rock ; I kicked it to satisfy my irritation however hurt my toe in the process.

I had a weird gut feeling to run, so I did...I had no idea where I was going but I figured to just take a left turn, towards the distant glows of lanterns. The warm gold shimmer of the light beckoned to me to come. I had no clue what was in our city, I just had a thought to follow the light. I heard distant laughs and shouts...so this was what a city is: cheery and social. Everything but me. I listened in, attempting to translate the remote mumbles of the people from hundreds, possibly thousands of metres away.

I carried on walking down a quiet, bleak path until I reached a crossing. I couldn’t even care enough as to look both ways, I just lumbered myself across the road. I looked at my phone for a minute...it displayed a message from mother.

“I am so disappointed in you Rachel. You are out of your mind missy” I felt lost. My own mother couldn’t say anything but hurtful words against me, criticism, insults ; anything apart from love.

That is when I realised, to follow the lanterns… 


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Wed May 12, 2021 1:19 am
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starlitmind wrote a review...



Hey there friend! ^_^ I really enjoyed your other piece of writing, so I hope you don't mind me checking this one out! <3

Just a quick note; I noticed that all your paragraphs except the last one begin with "I" -> it's not a big deal, but personally, I would change it up just to make it less repetitive and to add some variation c: But up to you!

I wandered through the deep, dark alleys as I gathered my thoughts. I was alone, finally. I could have a minute of peace to really think for myself ; not for him or her. It felt strange. I was allowed to think without the others yelling behind me


Ooh, I love the scenario you set up in your first paragraph! There is comfort in being alone and gathering your thoughts, and that was expressed nicely. And the part about not thinking for "him or her" is super interesting -> we learn a little bit about the narrator already, and the narrator seems a bit burdened by others / focusing all their attention on others. That's really interesting so far!

I shuddered in the bitter breeze and hugged myself tight.


I love how you're creating a bit of a negative atmosphere with phrases like "bitter breeze" (love that alliteration by the way), describing the trash bags, and how the rain was falling harshly. All of these things combine contribute greatly to the mood! ^_^

My glasses fogged up to the point where I chucked them on the floor


Ooh, you can really sense how frustrated the narrator here is. Glasses fog up quite regularly, so it shouldn't be a big deal to the narrator; but since the narrator grew so frustrated and threw them, that must mean they've bene having a pretty bad day. I bet they'll regret that later though, glasses can be expensive xD

Why did I bother anymore? It was not like someone was going to love me, so why bother?


Ah, I love how we're getting to learn a little more about the narrator's backstory </3 This also explains their actions, like throwing the glasses and kicking rocks

I kicked it to satisfy my irritation however hurt my toe in the process.


I think this would work better as something like "I kicked it to satisfy my irritation, hurting my toe in the process." or adding a comma, because I initially thought you were missing a word there but after rereading a couple of times, I understood what you meant. However, it's up to you! ^_^

The warm gold shimmer of the light beckoned to me to come.


Ooh, there seems to be a shift in the mood! c:

That is when I realised, to follow the lanterns…


I love how this ended with some hope! Honestly, I feel like the lanterns could honestly mean death too, but I don't think that's what you intended xD

I really like how you were able to take the reader on a complete journey in just a few paragraphs. I was able to understand exactly what was going on and why Rachel was doing what she was doing. I got a great sense of her home life from this as well. And I love how you portrayed the journey through shifts in atmosphere; it started out super dreary, with trash everywhere and heavy rainfall and frustration. But near the end, there were golden shimmers and lanterns and a cheery city. You did a great job utilizing details and descriptions to tell a story c:

This was a lovely short story! I enjoyed reading this, and I hope to read more from you soon ^_^ I hope this helped!






Thank you so much! Your review means a lot :)



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Tue Apr 27, 2021 12:19 pm
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HarryHardy wrote a review...



Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),

Hi! I'm here to leave a quick review!!

First Impression: Well...this was quite a deep story despite being relatively short. I feel like I can really connect with our protagonist here...and get a very good sense of what kind of backstory they have. Its pretty well written here.

Anyway let's get right to it,

I wandered through the deep, dark alleys as I gathered my thoughts. I was alone, finally. I could have a minute of peace to really think for myself ; not for him or her. It felt strange. I was allowed to think without the others yelling behind me…


Hmm...well that's a very interesting start there....definitely gets your attention right away with the mysterious fact that our protagonist gets yelled at so often, they can't even think.

I continued to slowly jaunt through the lane. There were rubbish bags scattered all over the place, some coming up to my waist in a filthy stench. The rain fell harshly onto my thin, ripped hoodie, however it was silent. I kicked a puddle of dirty, brown mud: I messed up my boots to shreds, who was I to care though.


That's a nice little description there, really helps the set the scene for what's going on here.

I shuddered in the bitter breeze and hugged myself tight. I carried on walking...softly...down...the...lane. My glasses fogged up to the point where I chucked them on the floor, the sudden shatter of the lenses made my heart jump. I walked quicker now, to avoid the now revolting smell of the rubbish sacks.


Not the smartest of moves there, throwing away the glasses but oof, that does a great job showing the kind of emotional state our protagonist is in and how bad the situation is in the rain and the cold.

I wanted to go home but I couldn’t. I had no home now after all, just my soaked rags and a mini phone, with nothing more than a narrow, broken screen and 4 buttons still intact. Why did I bother anymore? It was not like someone was going to love me, so why bother? I stumbled on a large rock ; I kicked it to satisfy my irritation however hurt my toe in the process.


Oh this is really not going well now, is it?

I had a weird gut feeling to run, so I did...I had no idea where I was going but I figured to just take a left turn, towards the distant glows of lanterns. The warm gold shimmer of the light beckoned to me to come. I had no clue what was in our city, I just had a thought to follow the light. I heard distant laughs and shouts...so this was what a city is: cheery and social. Everything but me. I listened in, attempting to translate the remote mumbles of the people from hundreds, possibly thousands of metres away.


Well that's a sad bit of imagination, not ever knowing what the warm glow of a city feels like, definitely tells us a lot about the backstory here.

I carried on walking down a quiet, bleak path until I reached a crossing. I couldn’t even care enough as to look both ways, I just lumbered myself across the road. I looked at my phone for a minute...it displayed a message from mother.

“I am so disappointed in you Rachel. You are out of your mind missy” I felt lost. My own mother couldn’t say anything but hurtful words against me, criticism, insults ; anything apart from love.

That is when I realised, to follow the lanterns…


Oh dear...well...at least a somewhat hopeful ending...well...and I think that's a fitting one for a short story like this...its got a nice...to be continued to feel to it.

Aaaaand that's it for this one.

Overall: Overall this was a nice little story. It was definitely fun to read. I kind of wish there was more to it honestly, I really want to root for this character. Anyway that's all I've gotta say for now. :D

As always remember to take what you think was helpful and forget the rest.

Stay Safe
Harry






Heya, thank you so much! I find I rant on alot in longer stories so I thought to make it shorter. Just a quick piece of work %uD83D%uDE42 thanks for your review, love Rubes



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Fri Apr 23, 2021 10:44 pm
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RandomTalks says...



Hello, here for a short review.

It was a really strong short story. You described the character's emotions so well, that you could actually feel what she was feeling in that moment. Her frustration, loneliness, her desperation and her first experience of the city, you really brought it all to life. The story started so gloomy, but the ending was really positive and the use of the 'lanterns' was very fitting.

One thing though, I would have loved a little more information about the character, who she was, her relationship with her mother and what happened to lead her to that moment, but that's just my opinion. So anyways, good job. Hope to read more of your works.






Awe, thank you so much! I really appreciate the time took to write that review. It was just a quick work I did a while ago hence why it is so short, I find that writing shorter stories suits my mood more. I repeat and ramble on about things a lot when the piece is longer so that's why I prefer shorter stories.

I totally get where you are coming from! I should have added more of a clear relationship between Rachel and her mother...I meant to create suspense with a lot of it however I could have hinted at more things towards the end part.

I do hope to publish some more pieces like this soon: I really enjoy writing and letting my hand as well as my imagination run wild. On paper, but I have been focusing a lot more on blogs for definite. My anxiety hasn't been too good lately and I have only just returned to school since half term (2 weeks off for Easter in the UK if you didn't know) so my sleep schedule and all that has been quite messed up haha. I've been nearly falling asleep in class often and I zone out mid conversations ; luckily my drama teacher knows and lets me talk to her whenever in her class. Anyways, I am not gonna dive deep into all this, it is so not related to your review lol.

Thanks anyway, I really appreciate it!
Love Rubes :)



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RandomTalks wrote a review...



Hello, here for a short review.

It was a really strong short story. You described the character's emotions so well, that you could actually feel what she was feeling in that moment. Her frustration, loneliness, her desperation and her first experience of the city, you really brought it all to life. The story started so gloomy, but the ending was really positive and the use of the 'lanterns' was very fitting.

One thing though, I would have loved a little more information about the character, who she was, her relationship with her mother and what happened to lead her to that moment, but that's just my opinion. So anyways, good job. Hope to read more of your works.






Awe, thank you so much! I really appreciate the time took to write that review. It was just a quick work I did a while ago hence why it is so short, I find that writing shorter stories suits my mood more. I repeat and ramble on about things a lot when the piece is longer so that's why I prefer shorter stories.

I totally get where you are coming from! I should have added more of a clear relationship between Rachel and her mother...I meant to create suspense with a lot of it however I could have hinted at more things towards the end part.

I do hope to publish some more pieces like this soon: I really enjoy writing and letting my hand as well as my imagination run wild. On paper, but I have been focusing a lot more on blogs for definite. My anxiety hasn't been too good lately and I have only just returned to school since half term (2 weeks off for Easter in the UK if you didn't know) so my sleep schedule and all that has been quite messed up haha. I've been nearly falling asleep in class often and I zone out mid conversations ; luckily my drama teacher knows and lets me talk to her whenever in her class. Anyways, I am not gonna dive deep into all this, it is so not related to your review lol.

Thanks anyway, I really appreciate it!
Love Rubes :)



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Fri Apr 09, 2021 6:44 am
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KWN wrote a review...



Wow it's really amazing. Good job. I love how you added the lanterns. I feel like it really adds to the story. It started kind of gloomy but really at the end it really started to light up. It was good how you were telling the reader how the main character felt. You really used the right words to show the reader the mood of the story. It was also nice because I felt like I could imagine everything you were talking about, like a movie. That was done very well. please keep on writing your very talented and good luck. byeeeeeeeee






Thank you so much. It means a lot to hear that!! I know that there are a few mistakes in there with my grammar but overall I am pretty proud of it.

Stay Safe
Love Rubes :)



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Thu Apr 08, 2021 7:10 pm
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MailicedeNamedy wrote a review...



Hi Yourvirtualquirkyfriend08,

Mailice here with a short review! :D

First of all, I'd like to note that I really enjoyed the story and despite the dark mood, there is that spark of hope at the very end. I could have thought of it sooner if I had paid attention to the title. :D

You have a very soothing way of writing. You try to combine several stylistic devices together, which I like a lot. Despite the first person narrator, I think you describe it well without going too deep into character. You don't immediately get sympathy for Rachel and you don't need to be told what happened that she just ran away (?) and wandered.

Another plus I think is how you spread out in the story trying to describe her clothes, like her glasses or boots. You incorporate it very well and it's almost not noticeable that Rachel walks through the world as a "faceless" person, just as if everyone is struck by this feeling of not being noticed by anyone.

On a plot level it's a very well done story, I liked how you worked with the device of "less is more". It's that weird feeling you have as a child/teenager that no one likes you and the only way you can get away is to run away. The question that ultimately still plagues me is what exactly happened. But maybe it's good not to know :D I've become very sympathetic to Rachel because she has finally found light after all this sadness and despair. (I interpret it as something positive and not as "light" you see when you die to describe a possible suicide).

I messed up my boots to shreds, who was I to care though.


Here I think there should be a question mark at the end. Or you could split the sentence and add a question mark to the second sentence.

I really liked the story and hope to read more like it from you!

Have fun with your writing!

Mailice.






Thank you so much for your comment. I wanted to create imagery for the reader however not overly describe the scene. I like to incorporate realistic, suspenseful stories ; it works with my style of writing.

Yes! I should have put a question mark there, just a simple grammar error I should have checked. That was my 1st story I have written on here so I was more focused on the mood created than the actual story line if I am honest.

Thanks again for taking the time to read as well as review my story: it makes me feel great both writing and receiving honest opinions from others similar to me!

Stay safe,
Love Rubes :)




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