Hi there Fortis! I'm here for a short #RevMo review on your chicken poem!
I honestly don't have much to critique, so this review is mostly going to be me saying what worked for me and why
I really, really, really loved the image of "marble walls held molten gold", and how you build on and contrast that idea with a much weaker picture of cracked eggs, broken yolks, and pale reflections. It's the same sort of concept, but it goes from being something fancy and ornate to something frail and fragile, and I thinks it's really clever how you transition from one into the other.
I like the overall stream of consciousness vibe I'm getting from the lack of punctuation / capitalization, and enjambment; it feels messy and disorganized, but in a way that drives home the theme of the poem.
My only real critique is that a few descriptions feel slightly boring or cliche -> for example, (to me personally at least), "fluffed up feathers" isn't adding much ~ something like "spiking feathers like a hedgehog" would be more memorable and effective, I feel (hedgehogs might not fit this poem super well, but I think you get the point).
Overall though, I really enjoyed reading this poem - it's one of my favourite chicken poems I've read so far on the site, which is saying something, since there've been a lot of great ones.
I hope this is useful, and happy #RevMo !
whatcha
Points: 22098
Reviews: 455
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