Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night (whichever one it is for when you read this),
So fourth part and final part,
First Impression: Pretty exciting, nice bit of excitement.
And on with it,
As I was roughly manhandled back to my feet, I slumped as the well dressed man walked calmly in my direction.(repeating the "as" comes off a bit weird) Thoughts of the tortures (that) they put disobedient slaves through filled my mind as he strode towards me, a carefully practiced expression of disinterest showing on his lined face.
“Well, well, well,” he sneered, his eyes betraying his distaste for me. “Look at this! The little girl’s got some fight still in her! I guess the isolation wasn’t enough to break her. And you!” he turned on my jailer, lunging (that doesn't sound right. Lunging would be like diving right at the dude) forwards. “You couldn’t even control her for thirty seconds.”
“Shut up! No one wants to hear your excuses. Your services here are no longer required and I expect you to have given your resignation by tomorrow.”
Character development detected.
“But what about her?” he gestured to me before turning his attention back to the well dressed man. “Don’t you need help with her?” (I think someone already mentioned but this does seem a tad rude from someone who was begging in the previous line)
To my surprise, he chuckled. “Oh sweetheart, don’t worry. I won’t hurt you. I almost admire your determination to escape. I really did think that we had broken you back there in your cell. You’re a good little actress.” His eyes narrowed as he stared at my dirt covered face. “I’d watch out if I were you, little girl. I let it go this time, but others might not be as forgiving as I am.”
I like that. He seems to be a more complex person that just the standard "I'm the bad guy and I'm evil"
The grimy walls were covered by a sickly green wallpaper, which was peeling in spots. A desk sat in one of the corners, almost obscured by mounds of paper and a(the) single window behind it barely managed to illuminate the contents of this dismal room. He slammed the door behind us, causing a man sitting at the desk to jerk upright. “Wha? Who’s there?” he sleepily mumbled, and then, seeing us(I think that's implied so you don't have to mention it), tried to look attentive. "Sir? What do you require?"
"Not for me you idiot!" he spat, motioning to me. "For her!"
That seemed a little uncalled for. He was the one who asked. But then he just might be that kind of guy.
The man muttered his apologies and went to work roughly fastening the manacle onto my wrists. I flinched as the sound of the metal locking together rang through the air. This made it final. I was a slave. After locking it, he presented the key and the end of the chain to the well dressed man, who snatched roughly out of his hand. He dragged me after him as he strode forwards, only stopping to unlock the door on the other side of the room. Pushing it open, he stepped through and I winced as the bright sunlight hit my eyes in the first time in weeks.
Here maybe express a tad bit more feelings of our protagonist but otherwise another intriguing ending.
And that's it for that,
Overall it is well written like all the other chapters and the story has me well and truly hooked. I like the way this is going. The protagonist is so far as realistic as it can get with something like this.
I'd love to read more. Could you tag me when the next chapter comes out?
I'm taking a slight break but I'll go review all the chapters from your other story too. That's the one that drew me to your writing in the first place.
Anyway
Stay Safe
Harry
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