Hourglass

by imagineflying

My hourglass won't tell me

how long it's going to last

So I sit here thanking every moment

As I watch it pass

My hourglass is cruel

It won't even tell me

The colours and the patterns that

The falling sand will be

My hourglass is reckless

It leaps from shelf to shelf

Uncaring that such a fall

Would wreak havoc on our health

My hourglass is disposable

You can only use it once

And who knows, as fragile as it is

It could shatter by next month

I knew someone else with an hourglass once

Then they fled far away

And the memory of the scattered sand

Haunts me to this day

So thank you little hourglass

Small though you may be

For you're the closest we ever get

To Immortality

Comments

Points: 42
Reviews: 22

Donate

Fri Oct 19, 2018 2:59 pm

AutumnDawn wrote a review...

this is such beautiful piece of poetry. I loved the idea of an hourglass and how wreckless it can be. it seems that you are talking from your mind. as if your words lept from your mind onto the pages. work like that such a beautiful and rare. so please that is true continue do so.

here are some beautiful quotes... that I find for you...

Every so often, we all gaze into the abyss. It's a depressing fact of life that eventually the clock expires; eventually the sand in the hourglass runs out. It's the leaving behind of everything that matters to us that hurts the most. - Ben Shapiro

If I didn't love the hourglass, I wouldn't love myself. - Rachel Roy

Love is like an hourglass, with the heart filling up as the brain empties. - Jules Renard

imagineflying says...

Thank you so much for reviewing I'm really glad you liked it! Those are beautiful quotes, they fit so well with what I was trying to say and that makes me happy, thank you for the lovely feedback! x

Points: 550
Reviews: 17

Donate

Thu Oct 18, 2018 1:38 am

wafflewolf7 wrote a review...

Hey!

I really enjoyed reading this! I really like the aesthetic of hourglasses in general, and especially as a symbol. I think it was well done, short and sweet, and that the mood changes and extended metaphor work really well.

The only few tiny things I would change are:

1. "So I sit here thanking every moment

As I watch it pass"

I would change it to:

"So I sit here thanking every moment

That I watch it pass"

Because you are thankful for each moment that you are watching it with and it just sounds better in general.

2. "It won't even tell me

The colours and the patterns that

The falling sand will be"

Unless you like the way it flows or you are trying to achieve a certain syllable rhythm, I would use some more descriptive language, maybe advise instead of tell, or something along those lines.

3. Did you mean to capitalize Immortality? It's totally fine if so, indicating personification and all that, but as someone who frequently makes typos, I always try to check- just looking out for ya!

4. Lastly, I think it would be easier to read if you had a space between each stanza/feeling towards the hourglass. It would also aid in visual pleasure because it would look nice, like how Edgar Allen Poe's "Annabel Lee" mimics the shape of waves because they live in a kingdom by the sea.

These were just some really nitpicky things that I think would improve this awesome poem- let me know if you make any updates, I really enjoyed reading it!

imagineflying says...

First of all thank you so much this means a lot to me and all your notes are really helpful so thanks for taking the time to write them

The spacing thing is a shout but honestly I have no idea how to put spaces between stanzas it didn't work, but I'll definitely keep trying! Thanks again x

wafflewolf7 says...

No problem! I tried to put spaces between one of my poems and it didn't work... I don't know what's going on there!!