Published October 17, 2018
My hourglass won't tell me
how long it's going to last
So I sit here thanking every moment
As I watch it pass
My hourglass is cruel
It won't even tell me
The colours and the patterns that
The falling sand will be
My hourglass is reckless
It leaps from shelf to shelf
Uncaring that such a fall
Would wreak havoc on our health
My hourglass is disposable
You can only use it once
And who knows, as fragile as it is
It could shatter by next month
I knew someone else with an hourglass once
Then they fled far away
And the memory of the scattered sand
Haunts me to this day
So thank you little hourglass
Small though you may be
For you're the closest we ever get
To Immortality
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this is such beautiful piece of poetry. I loved the idea of an hourglass and how wreckless it can be. it seems that you are talking from your mind. as if your words lept from your mind onto the pages. work like that such a beautiful and rare. so please that is true continue do so.
here are some beautiful quotes... that I find for you...
Every so often, we all gaze into the abyss. It's a depressing fact of life that eventually the clock expires; eventually the sand in the hourglass runs out. It's the leaving behind of everything that matters to us that hurts the most. - Ben Shapiro
If I didn't love the hourglass, I wouldn't love myself. - Rachel Roy
Love is like an hourglass, with the heart filling up as the brain empties. - Jules Renard
Thank you so much for reviewing I'm really glad you liked it! Those are beautiful quotes, they fit so well with what I was trying to say and that makes me happy, thank you for the lovely feedback! x
Hey!
I really enjoyed reading this! I really like the aesthetic of hourglasses in general, and especially as a symbol. I think it was well done, short and sweet, and that the mood changes and extended metaphor work really well.
The only few tiny things I would change are:
1. "So I sit here thanking every moment
As I watch it pass"
I would change it to:
"So I sit here thanking every moment
That I watch it pass"
Because you are thankful for each moment that you are watching it with and it just sounds better in general.
2. "It won't even tell me
The colours and the patterns that
The falling sand will be"
Unless you like the way it flows or you are trying to achieve a certain syllable rhythm, I would use some more descriptive language, maybe advise instead of tell, or something along those lines.
3. Did you mean to capitalize Immortality? It's totally fine if so, indicating personification and all that, but as someone who frequently makes typos, I always try to check- just looking out for ya!
4. Lastly, I think it would be easier to read if you had a space between each stanza/feeling towards the hourglass. It would also aid in visual pleasure because it would look nice, like how Edgar Allen Poe's "Annabel Lee" mimics the shape of waves because they live in a kingdom by the sea.
These were just some really nitpicky things that I think would improve this awesome poem- let me know if you make any updates, I really enjoyed reading it!
First of all thank you so much this means a lot to me and all your notes are really helpful so thanks for taking the time to write them
The spacing thing is a shout but honestly I have no idea how to put spaces between stanzas it didn't work, but I'll definitely keep trying! Thanks again x
No problem! I tried to put spaces between one of my poems and it didn't work... I don't know what's going on there!!
I love it, very detailed.
Thank you so much glad you like it! x