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Young Writers Society


12+ Mature Content

Glowpeak Academy- Chapter One

by SubSubLibrarian


Mr. Andrew Peters woke with the sun. He glanced at his alarm clock, stretching and yawning. It was 6:57; he had about an hour before he had to be at work. He rolled over to look at the other side of the bed, which was vacant. His wife, Melanie, must have been awake already and making breakfast. He wasn’t surprised, as she usually got up before he did. After showering and donning a gray suit, he bounded down the stairs to meet her.

Mr. Peters was a slightly chubby man with a shoulder-length mane of brown hair and deep set brown eyes. He was clean shaven, had infinite laughter lines, and remarkably white teeth. Mrs. Peters looked very similar to her husband. She had the same, roasted chestnut hair and brown eyes, although her hair was a smidgen shorter and her eyes were wider and close set. She was also a bit chubby, clean shaven, and the proud model of innumerable laughter lines. Her teeth were white, but did not quite reach the brilliance of Mr. Peters’.

Both Mr. and Mrs. Peters worked in a highly classified division of the United Nations, which was rather large for a confidential division. The UN headquarters in New York City alone, where the Peters worked, employed over 500 in that division. The Peters worked in the Flesheater Location Office, of which Mr. Peters was manager and supervisor.

The Peters had no children of their own, but they did have a niece and nephew, daughter and son to David and Amy Corban, Mrs. Peters’ brother and sister-in-law. The Peters had not seen their niece nor her parents in years. They had moved around so often that they were rarely able to visit relatives. It was possible that their niece didn’t even remember their last visit, besides any stories David and Amy had recounted to her. Their nephew, they had never met; he was less than a year old.

Mr. Peters sat down at the breakfast table, which was set with a pair of plates, glasses, and silverware, as well as a stack of napkins and the morning newspaper. Mrs. Peters was busy at the stove, scrambling eggs and frying bacon. She glanced over at her husband as he began perusing the newspaper.

“Anything good?” she asked, doubtfully.

Her husband shook his head and frowned, his brow furrowing. “Have you read the news at all this morning, dear?” he asked.

“No,” she replied.

“Have you heard from David and Amy lately?”

“Not since Christmas,” she shrugged, turning off the stove as she removed the last slice of hot, greasy bacon from the frying pan and slid it onto a large platter, heaped high with bacon and eggs. She took a couple of slices of toast from the toaster and buttered them. Then she carried the platter to the table and set it down in the middle. “Why do you ask?”

Mr. Peters pointed at the page he’d been reading and Mrs. Peters glimpsed the article headline carelessly, only to focus on the article ten seconds later when its meaning finally registered. Her face paled as she saw a picture over Mr. Peters’ shoulder. The headline read “Family of Four Disappears Under Suspicious Circumstances.” Beneath the headline was a picture of the Corbans. David, Amy, Rebecca, and baby Charles smiled at them from the page.

“Andy, you don’t think they were… taken, do you?” asked Mrs. Peters, frightenedly. “That somehow the vultures got wind of the prophecy and went for them?”

“I don’t know. They might have just gone into hiding a a precaution, in case something like that happened in the future. We really have no way of knowing for sure.”

“Oh dear,” said Mrs. Peters, still pale, sitting down at the table. “Maybe we should read the article. It might spread some light.”

Mr. Peters straightened his reading glasses, cleared his throat, and began to read.

“Mr. David Corban and his wife Mrs. Amy Corban were last seen Saturday at their home in Fairmount, Indiana with their son, Charles. Ms. Kelsie Glade, neighbor to the Corbans, said she’d seen the couple pulling into their driveway.

“They looked nervous,” Glade remembered. “Usually their so carefree, so I noticed it instantly. An hour later, I went to take out my trash and their car had gone. The next morning I went to see Amy, but no one answered the door.”

Glade further reports that she heard a loud crash and was afraid someone might be hurt. Upon entering the house, she found it ‘ransacked.’ She says, “It looked as if it had just been robbed. I called out for David and Amy, but there was no answer.”

Police were called to the scene at 8:37 a.m. after Glade found a body on the staircase. Those present at the scene report that several insured valuables were missing, including their car, a 2014 Toyota Corolla.

“The body has not been identified yet,” reports Officer Boyd Christiansen, lead detective on the case. “But it’s only a matter of time before we get the DNA test results back from the lab. All we can be certain of at this time is that the body is young and female. It may be the body of Rebecca, the Corbans’ eleven year old daughter.”

Rebecca Corban was reported missing by her school, Glowpeak Academy, at 7;45 on Saturday morning. The Corban family was informed of her disappearance and visited the school that afternoon, said Headmaster Cannon Perkins. The school declines further comment.”

Mr. Peters looked up at his wife. She looked pale and frightened.

“Mel,” he said, “Your brother is probably just fine. Their car is gone and zombies haven’t been known to steal cars. Maybe the body is a zombie. Maybe it found them and they knew they were in danger, so they ran for the hills. They’re probably fine. I’m sure we’ll hear from them soon.”

Mrs. Peters took a deep breath. “You’re right, Andy. They’re probably alright.”

***

Mr. Peters climbed into the driver’s seat of his old Ford pickup truck and Mrs. Peters climbed up into the passenger seat beside him. Their breakfast was short-lived; now they were heading to work. The sky was clear and the sun was bright and shining in their eyes. Mr. Peters was having trouble seeing the road, as the sun reflected off of the tar, but he could see just enough to get them to the office in one piece. The morning was generally uneventful. There was only one call-in of a flesheater sighting, from Kansas, and a probable mention in a newspaper from Eastern Nevada.

The Peters, their colleague Mr. Jonas Robinson, and the office secretary Mrs. Gerda Petrovsky, left the office just before noon for a brief lunch at a sandwich shop a few blocks away. Here they all set their work aside the article the Peters had read earlier in the morning while waiting for their sandwiches.

"Did you see the article about Amy and David this morning, Mr. Peters?" asked Mr. Robinson keenly."Yes I did," said Mr. Peters. "Melanie and I thought there was something strange about it. Amy and David aren't the type of people to just disappear, or the type to leave a dead body lying around in their house.

"So you think the body is a zombie? In the paper they said it might be Rebecca's body," said Mrs. Petrovsky.

“Oh, I do hope nothing's happened to them,” said Mrs. Peters fretfully. “It seems like something… He would do. We all know he's done it before, driven people out of their homes, killed or kidnapped them. Amy and David are well trained and experienced, but once he sees them as a threat, they don't stand a chance. Think about Maliki and Komo Auri’il. They were just as good as Amy and David, but last week they turned up dead. I told Amy she shouldn't have married him. The Corban family has been a target from the beginning.

“The flesheaters seem to be gaining confidence,” said Mrs. Petrovsky thoughtfully. “The attacks have been worse lately and much more often. Today was surprisingly slow, the least busy we’ve been this month.”

“The day isn't over yet, Gerda,” Mr. Robinson reminded her. “We’ve got five hours after lunch.”

At that moment their sandwiches showed up. They sat at a booth in companionable silence. When their lunch break was over, they walked back to the office, each of them lost in thought, all wondering what possibly could have happened to Amy and David Corban.

That afternoon there was just a little activity, although a call from a town just south of Fairmount, Indiana startled the Peters. There had been a zombie sighted earlier that day nearby Fairmount and Mrs. Peters had burst into tears and tried to talk her husband into driving out to make sure her sister was alright, but he finally calmed her down, reminding her that her sister was a level four combatant, fully trained to fight and defeat a host of zombies. Only one had been sighted. She could easily have taken him down, in fact, Mr. Peters himself probably could have taken one measly flesheater. He also reminded her that the Corbans weren't even home. Mrs. Peters stopped crying, but she continued to look morose for the rest of the day.

Arriving at their house at about 5:30 pm, Mr. Peters turned on the evening news and Mrs. Peters started the laundry, then joined her husband in the living room. There were few things going on around the world, and soon attention turned to the missing family and the unknown body in their house. A news reporter was speculating about whether or not all the Corbans were dead when another man came on set and slipped him a piece of paper. The reporter read through the paper quickly, then looked up at the camera, startled.

“Ladies and gentlemen,” he said. “We've just received an update on the investigation from Fairmount Police Department. They have now identified the body and it's as we feared. Miss Rebecca Corban passed away around 6:30 on Friday night. The department believes she was the victim of an animal attack, but we cannot be certain. They are not sure as of yet what kind of animal it was, but they suspect it was the Corban’s dog, Frank. We are assuming he was sick and attacked the child violently. The dog is also missing. It is still unknown why the rest of the family has disappeared or where they are now.” The reporter glanced at his watch and said, “That wraps it up. Stay tuned for the weather forecast. Morgan, over to you.”

The reporter smiled once more, then the screen switched to a beautiful blond woman. She too smiled.

“Thank you, Todd,” she said. “Tomorrow we are expecting rain and temperatures in the-”

The rest of Morgan’s weather report was cut off as Mr. Peters pressed a button on the remote control in his hand. The screen went blank and the room went completely silent.

Mrs. Peters continued to stare at the blank screen for several minutes. Fearing that his wife had had a heart attack without him realizing it, Mr. Peters finally spoke.

“If we leave now, we’ll make it there by dawn.”

Mrs. Peters looked at him, shaken from her reverie, and smiled weakly. “If you don't mind,” she said.

After stuffing some food and equipment into a bag, the Peters set off in their Ford Expedition for Fairmount. It would be a long night, but with any luck it would be we'll worth the drive. As Mr. and Mrs. Peters drove out of their dark neighborhood, a man and a woman entered from the opposite end of the street. The man carried a piece of paper and a street map and the woman carried a picnic basket, looking very out of place in the dim twilight.

The man sighed and shook his head at the piece of paper. “Without the last part of the message,” he said, “it's impossible to know which street they live on. We’re on Schofield Street right now, but Schoffer’s Lane is only half a mile south. Both streets have a #1207.”

“Tommy said they’d be home all weekend, and I tend to trust Tommy's research. If they live here, then their car will be in the driveway and we can peak in the window to see if it's really them. If there is no car in the driveway, then its not them and all we have to do is walk to Schoffer's Lane and drop him off.”

The man nodded and looked up at the house numbers. “1203,” he mumbled. “1205, and 1207.” The man smiled in triumph for a moment, but his face fell. The driveway was empty.

“I guess it's not them,” said the woman.

“What if they just went for a quick trip to the grocer’s?” said the man frowning.

If they did, we don't know when they’ll be back. We might as well check the other house.”

The couple walked to the end of the street and turned the corner. It didn't take long for them to arrive at Schoffer's Lane. A few turns later, the couple found themselves on the sidewalk, staring at house #1207 on Schoffer's Lane. The blinds were closed and there was no car in the driveway, but the house had a garage and they could hear a radio playing music inside. The man walked up to the nearest window and pressed his ear against the glass. Muffled but distinct, a noise of clinking glasses rang out and a woman’s deep laughter struck his eardrums.

He breathed a sigh of relief, but still hesitated. “Any there are people here. But how can we know if it's Melanie and Andrew?”

“We just have to have faith in them and in Tommy. And especially in whatever greater being is out there, that he will protect our son and that he brought us to the right place. We can't knock on the door. They’ll try to get us to stay and protect us themselves and it won't work. Too many people have already died for us. We’ll just put them in danger and continue to put Charles in danger. We’ve already lost… so much.”

The woman began to cry. There were tears on her cheeks and more in her eyes and she was almost pleading with her husband. His face softened and his body relaxed. He nodded and gestured toward the door. The woman opened the picnic basket and peered inside. She suddenly began to sob. The man stepped swiftly to the woman’s side and put his arm around her. Closing the basket and gently comforting the woman, the man slid the basket out of her grasp and placed it on the doorstep. The couple walked back down the street several minutes later. The woman was still sobbing and the man was still attempting to soothe her.

From inside #1207 of Schoffer's Lane came the sound of a child’s laughter. A moment sooner, that laughter would have changed the entire future course of events.


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Sun Jun 30, 2019 1:12 am
Gnomish wrote a review...



Nice story so far!

I liked the visuals in the second paragraph, but the first few (1-4) paragraphs weren't that interesting. I understand how difficult it is to describe while still making it interesting, but I think you should try to mix the descriptions up with some of the actions.

The next five or so paragraphs I really liked. The dialogue and actions of the Peters were realistic and relatable, while not being boring. You also did an excellent job of setting the mood and describing the scene.

One slight grammatical error: "Usually their so carefree, so I noticed it instantly." In this case you used the wrong "their", it should probably be "they're" as in "they are".

Lastly, zombies! I thought this was going to be a regular crime/drama/mystery story, but now I realize that's untrue.

All in all, great chapter so far!






Thanks. I'm already working on editing the book, so the first draft of chapter one will definitely be up by the end of the year. I think it's a lot smoother and it's certainly very different from this one.



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Wed Jun 12, 2019 11:38 am
melbakugo says...



yoo i'm new here and i'm pleasantly surprised! the storyline is interesting and smoothly written. you really managed to spike my attention without giving away too much information about the context and the rest of the story. i'll be sure to check out the next chapters!
(excuse my not so perfect english)
keep on writing xx






Thanks for the response. I'm glad you liked it:)



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Sun Sep 16, 2018 4:50 am
niteowl wrote a review...



Hi there SubSubLibrarian. Since I saw Chapter 6 in the Green Room and I reviewed Chapter 5, I thought I'd go back and read the previous chapters, and now I've discovered I have things to say so I'll leave a quick review here.

The first few paragraphs are not the most interesting beginning. Honestly, if I didn't know what was coming next, I'd probably stop reading. I think that if you're going to go with this prologue-type thing, I would start off with Mr. Peters reading the news, then maybe working in some of the description.

I like the newspaper article bit, but it was sort of weird because I didn't realize at first I was reading the article. Maybe you could use italics or indent the article differently to set it apart. Also, they have a 2014 car? I kind of thought that Charles's storyline was in the present day, which would put his birth in like 2007 (gosh, it is hard to believe that was eleven years ago haha). So they would probably have a car a few years older than that.

Also, I'm not sure a newspaper article would have as many direct quotes? Like instead of quoting a police officer, the newspaper might say something like "The coroner's office has not officially identified the body, but it is believed to be that of Rebecca Corban." Also, they probably wouldn't go for DNA results for a recently-found body since that takes a lot of time. I think dental records are more typical, at least from the massive amount of crime shows I've watched. :P

After stuffing some food and equipment into a bag, the Peters set off in their Ford Expedition for Fairmount. It would be a long night, but with any luck it would be we'll worth the drive. As Mr. and Mrs. Peters drove out of their dark neighborhood, a man and a woman entered from the opposite end of the street. The man carried a piece of paper and a street map and the woman carried a picnic basket, looking very out of place in the dim twilight.


This paragraph is why I was compelled to review. It was so confusing that I honestly didn't realize that a new man and woman had entered the scene and I was wondering why the heck Mr. and Mrs. Peters were looking for themselves. I would definitely have a clearer division here like you did with the asterisks in other parts of the chapter.

I'm not sure who Tommy is, but I'm guessing he's an adult and it feels weird to call an adult Tommy. I think Tom would make more sense.

From inside #1207 of Schoffer's Lane came the sound of a child’s laughter. A moment sooner, that laughter would have changed the entire future course of events.


This is really obvious foreshadowing, and yet I almost miss it. I think there could be a way to weave this in better. Like "Inside 1207 Schoffer's Lane, a child laughed loud enough that the man and woman would have heard it, had they not just left." That is not my best writing, but I think it's possible to highlight the significance of the laughter without straight up saying "This changes all the things".

Overall, I think this is good as a Harry Potter-esque prologue and there's some interesting worldbuilding, but I think the beginning could be stronger and more focused on the interesting details. Keep writing! :D






Thanks for reading and reviewing! You're completely right about the car. I don't know how I didn't catch that. Good idea about the article. I took Journalism before I wrote this, so I'm pretty sure the direct quotes are fine, but I'll go over it again. I will figure out formatting for that though. I'll try to make the entrance of the two mysterious characters more obvious too. Is is alright if I get some suggestions from you about that? I know I've had some other comments about it, I'm just not sure how to fix it without making it less strange. I like the subtle foreshadowing part. I don't know if I'll change that. I just kind of like the idea that not everyone will catch it, but even those who do might not catch it immediately. I also like your suggestion at the beginning to change where the story starts. It would make a lot more sense.
Thanks again!



niteowl says...


Hm...I'm thinking the best way to do the division would just be to break up the paragraph like

After stuffing some food and equipment into a bag, the Peters set off in their Ford Expedition for Fairmount. It would be a long night, but with any luck it would be we'll worth the drive.

***

As Mr. and Mrs. Peters drove out of their dark neighborhood, a man and a woman entered from the opposite end of the street. The man carried a piece of paper and a street map and the woman carried a picnic basket, looking very out of place in the dim twilight.


This seems clearer to me and establishes both the timing and that the man and woman are new characters.

As for the direct-quotes in an article, I think they are okay, but there's usually not as many of them. https://www.rollingstone.com/culture/cu ... en-725252/ Like this article, which I randomly pulled from Googling "murder in news", has a few direct quotes, but a lot of stuff is summarized. Maybe you could read articles about missing people to see what they usually sound like/how much they quote?





Thanks! I really appreciate it.



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Sat Mar 24, 2018 3:27 pm
MidnightRhode wrote a review...



Hey there! It's Midnight/Angel with another Review here.

I'd love to say that this work is just... Wow. For lack of better words. I am a huge fan of stuff like this and I would love to let you know that this is an amazing work! Even if it's just the first chapter. I realize that I haven't been active lately so this may be a little later then I would like it to be. I'd just want to tell you how much i love this chapter. Especially the plot. I do have a few questions, but i'm assuming that within then next chapters, i'll be finding out.

I read this, not with high expectations or anything, simply just because i am half awake on Saturday morning way before I usually do get up. This chapter really exceeded my expectation of what I thought it would be, and I'd honestly love to read more of your work. I might just do that.

I'm looking forward to reading more of your work, and I might just review it as well, but just assume i'll be commenting about it, as with your work, i don't think i could be professional and so i'd just be a simple fan-human as gender is over-rated in my opinion. Anyway; Thank you for this work and I'm really looking forward to seeing more work.
-Glitter Hooman/Midnight






Thanks! Just to let you know, I just published chapter two.





Thank you for telling me! I'll read it as soon as i have some time





I gotta tell you. I published chapters three and four several weeks ago. I'm not sure if you've seen them or even been on lately, but I would really like your opinion on it. It is a little crazy, but it's gonna be amazing if I can get there. Also I'm going to publish chapter five in two seconds. Thank ya! Bye



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Tue Mar 20, 2018 11:25 pm
Vervain wrote a review...



Hey! Lareine here to review.

First off, to note, I tear it apart not because it sucks but because I want to see it get so much better.

And on that note, I am absolutely awful at praising stuff. If you're curious what I liked specifically about your piece, please ask me, because I have trouble putting "I like this" into words. I might mention here and there some stuff that's cool, though.

Now: The Breakdown.

1. Watch your dialogue tags! Dialogue Punctuation is a helpful article for understanding how to punctuation dialogue tags. In addition to this point, do yourself a favor and cut all these unnecessary adverbs. "Frightenedly", "thoughtfully", "keenly", all these words do is weaken your story. Instead of "she asked frightenedly", describe how she acts when she's scared, or how she looks. Instead of "said thoughtfully", try "surmised", or don't include a tag at all.

Dialogue tags can be your best friend or your worst enemy. Right now, they're on the "enemy" side of the spectrum in this piece.

2. Description. You have completely overloaded the piece with it -- your first 5 paragraphs are nothing but description, and while it might call to mind a beginning like Harry Potter, it's a pale imitation of a working beginning. There is nothing interesting about Mr. and Mrs. Peters until paragraph 3, where you namedrop the Flesheater Location Office and then promptly move on to more uninteresting details.

I also don't find Mr. and Mrs. Peters to be interesting as viewpoint characters. Their point of view seems to be very drab and bland, and why would I force myself to keep reading a drab, bland story? My life is drab and bland -- the whole point is for me to be able to escape that, at least a little bit. Speaking of...

3. Tension. Where is it? I fail to see it in any of the events except the one little bit at the end -- which further invites the idea that this is a pale imitation of Harry Potter. I wouldn't mind if there was some kind of excitement or something to draw me into this, but this story is completely lacking a hook.

While you have an interesting idea with the government tracking zombies, it's almost impossible for me as a reader to get invested in your characters and plot here. The Corbans have disappeared and their daughter is dead, but what bearing does that have when you've told us about Andrew and Melanie Peters' entire day at length?

If you want to tell the story of the Corbans disappearing, tell that story. Don't tell me what Mr. Peters ate for breakfast or that his wife gets up before him -- unless they come into play rather quickly. If it doesn't matter on page 3 what he ate, don't tell me on page 1.

Honestly, this has the potential to be cool, but so much of it is so dry and bland and boring to me. I'd love to see it spruced up and given a bit more intrigue -- stop describing the characters so much, start giving it more stakes and tension to keep the reader on their toes.

This reads more like a prologue than a first chapter, and prologues really don't need to be written in most cases. If we switch to following Tommy in the next chapter, I'll be sorely peeved that we didn't start with him from the beginning. Why not skip this entirely and establish important details through recall or flashback later on? Or better yet, leave it to mystery and incite a little tension or drama?

In any case, if you've got any questions, let me know! And most importantly, have fun writing!






You are relatively accurate in your description of this chapter as a Harry Potter imitation. I actually kind of use that to bring out later elements that will be unexpected because of the story's original similarity with Harry Potter. If you keep reading, you will continue to notice similarities with Harry Potter. There was a purpose in following the Peters' day. They do play into the story later. But I do see where there are some issues in these parts of the story. I was really only thinking long term when I wrote this chapter. If readers can hang on until chapter two, it will probably be a miracle, but they will also get a really great story in my opinion. It really was meant to be more like a prologue, but some parts like the vague mention of Tommy, parts of the introduction of the Peters, and of course the mention of the Flesheater Defense Division are meant to set up future chapters. I could definitely make it more interesting. I thought that the newspaper article would be enough, but you're right. Thanks so much for the review!



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Tue Mar 20, 2018 2:31 am
Nobunaga wrote a review...



Hello!

I've just finished reading the first part of this and I've decided to pause and write down my thoughts before I forget them all lol The first thing that I want to say, even though it didn't bother me too much, was that you throw a lot of information at the reader at the beginning, about how they look and their history and family and whatnot. Personally, it doesn't bother me too much, but it is still a bit of a chore to read such details about people we don't really know yet or connect with. I know that some things you have to just say in order to get them out of the way, and fitting in character descriptions is really hard without it sounding bad. I'm actually quite glad you decided to stick it in at the beginning and get it out of the way, but I also know that some people really hate piles of information like that, so I just wanted to point it out to you.

Mrs. Peter's description made me laugh though, whenever you described her as clean shaven. That's not usually something you attribute to women, but it was a little funny :3

Moving on to the newspaper bit, I was absolutely blindsided whenever Mr. Peters said the thing about vultures and some prophecy. In my opinion, it was a cool way to introduce some of the weirder aspects of your story, but I feel like it was way too casual. There just seemed to be a disconnect of emotion with Mr. Peters, as he didn't really react to it and any way. I'm assuming for now that's just his personality, and that he's typically level-headed, but it was still a bit weird that he seemed so nonchalant about it.

And the last thing is about the dialogue punctuation whenever he's reading the news article and people are also talking within the news article. Basically, if it's a quote within a quote, you don't use one of these ("), you use one of these ('). So that's an easy change to make.

Okay, onto the next part!

Alright, that switch to the couple dropping off their baby at the end really jarred me. I would have just liked to be a little more prepared for the switch in perspective. And I'm not quite sure if 1207 Schoffer is supposed to be the Peters' address or not. I'm thinking not because the car was gone, but there were also people inside? I think that part might need a bit more clarification.

In your writing, it's kinda hard to make a bond with your characters. You say what emotions they're feeling, but that doesn't really register because they aren't doing anything to mimic those emotions. I don't know how to say it really, but it's like they're like mannequins or something. It would be nice to read a bit about their facial expressions or their body movements, something that reflects in their bodies what you say they're feeling. Something like this part

His face softened and his body relaxed.


Something like that to show us how they're responding to things.

I'm actually really intrigued in this story. I'm not completely sure whether or not everyone knows about zombies yet though, but I'm thinking that the Peters' work for some sort of secret agency, and that's like super cool! It reminds me of the FBI or something. And I love stories with zombies in them, and you have some mystery thrown in here too. I love that because it's just enough mystery to keep you interested, but not too much that I was just outright confused, you know?

I'm super excited to see what the Peters' are going to discover whenever they arrive at that house. PLEASE let me know whenever you post the next part. :3




Nobunaga says...


Oh, wow, that was kinda long lol





I'm sorry, but it will actually take a long time for you to find out what the Peters discover. It sounds kind of wierd, and just let me know when I publish ch. 2 if I should do something to make it less awkward in ch. 1. Thanks for the review. I'll let you know when the next part comes out. I like your idea about the body movements and facial expressions. I hadn't thought a lot about that.
I also want to clarify: the Peters live 1207 Schofield Street, the first house they visited. They actually dropped them off at someone else's house. On accident.
I'm glad you enjoyed it! Thanks again for your comments.





I just published chapter two.





chapters 3 and 4 are out now if you're interested




If it looks like a duck, and it quacks like a duck…you should not be so quick to jump to conclusions.
— Cecil Gershwin Palmer