Hey, ghost223! Lupa here for a review! Let's jump right in...
1) About 95% of the time I was purely confused. You give your reader no background knowledge, no clue as to what "flashes" are in the second-to-last line. I didn't enjoy reading this as much as I should've. Clarify some aspects of the poem.
2) Half of it is description. It sounds like a seizure, although I'm not entirely sure. Again, although your title reveals some to the reader, it's not enough.
3) The last line is sudden, if you know what I mean. The whole poem is spent lamenting these "seizures" the speaker is having, and then the last line gives the reader a burst of determination that came really unexpectedly. I suggest easing into it.
I think this would work better in short story form because I wanted to know more about what this poem was narrating. Some of it felt rushed or choppy, but the good thing is that you can fix it! Keep writing and improving!
XOX,
Lupa22
Points: 1219
Reviews: 558
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