Hello, Katgirl! One, I am sorry if this review offends you at all. I do not mean to be harsh. Two, my reviews tend to ask a lot of questions to the author. You don't necessarily have to answer them, but it helps to think about the story in a whole. Now, here's the review.
One of my questions is why is there spelling mistakes? It just makes the whole story overall harder to read, so it's harder to get an audience that's there for your writing and not to critique the mistakes. Another question is: why is the first part in French? (Or what I am assuming is French.) Is that something from the book when Bella had a French thing? Because I am really confused.
says retarted Jacob .
I personally have a huge problem with the adjective that was used here. So I will leave you with this link: http://media2.mic.com/50f07dd747c73c589 ... d47d2e.jpg
Also, if you still want to use that word... *retarded
Another thing, why is the story in italics? Does it aid the story telling, was it something in the book? Once more I am really confused.
Even though this was a summary, it was really hard to read. I feel like some of the characters weren't given enough justice in this 300+ word piece. Perhaps add onto this, give us a little description? The places they go don't have to be described either! Just how the characters look and such. Though, looking at summaries of other books, I see that dialogue is rarely used. Maybe cut down on the dialogue and focus on more of the events? From this, I barely know anything.
"but I love ur baby" howl Jacob sadle.
I'm not going to go into the tenses, the "ur," or capitalization. However, the "sadle" really threw me off guard. It took me re-reading this piece a few times to realize it was supposed to be: sadly. Or at least, I hope it was supposed to be sadly! Otherwise, I'm a little lost... Getting off topic. This is one of the few cases where misspelling can lead to much confusion.
I really don't have much to say about this work, anymore. I've gotten what I wanted across! Well, I hope you have a great day and keep on writing!
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! This was hilarious, but there is one thing I don't totally get. In paragraph four, is Jacob retarted (I suggest you use a different word for fear offending people), or is he retorting? Another thing to add to make this laugh-out-loud is misspellings that spell other words. Such as: Bela traded to leaf (Bella tried to leave). It makes the story a whole lot more nonsensical, which I believe is what you were going for.
Points: 344
Reviews: 126
Donate