Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),
Hi! I'm here to leave a quick review!!
Anyway let's get right to it,
“Sir the flagship is down! Squadrons one and two are down as well!”Said First-Mate Jacob Lancaster
“May The Great goddess crush those creatures” swore Captain Jonathan Highlaster. “Is the cargo allright?”
Wow, okay...that sounds like a pretty big deal there, cause the flagship of a fleet and two entire squadrons sounds like a big ol' chunk of the fleet being lost there...it certainly appears to be a fleet that's at a severe disadvantage here...and well its a pretty exciting start here...to throw us right into the midst of battle. I do wonder how the captain is as calm as they are...its seems to show that they're pretty experienced here which is a nice touch.
“ For now sir, but I don’t think it will be for long at this rate.”
Captain Jonathan stood silently for a moment.” Initiate Protocol Kamikaze”
“ Sir! You can’t do that! There must be another way!”protested the First-Mate
Well that decision made with no discussion whatsoever, I feel like that is a little unfair for a captain of an entire ship to make...if its just that one left alone its one thing, but well, that's quite an extreme maneuver. On the other hand though, it does match up with the fact that it appears the whole fleet is in a serious state of disarray there.
“ You are not the captain of this ship! Initiate Kamikaze now!” Roared the Captain. He knew it was a drastic measure but there was no choice left. The Future depended on his cargo not falling into enemy hands. Resigned to his fate, he made his way back to his cabin. On the dresser stood a Photo of a women with long black hair holding a small girl who held a spanner in her hand. He held the picture in his hand, a single tear dropping on it only to be instantly vaporized by a blinding flash of heat
Well, that's not a bad moment there, it happens quite fast there so we don't really get to experience that moment too much and see how much it really means there cause it rushed by, but well, considering this is just the start here, that's not too bad. If you do want to sell the moment of that tear with a little more emotion though, it needs to be drawn out a bit more here.
A deer grazing in the luscious forest below was startled when he heard the sounds of the fighting high up in the air. It watched as one group of SkyShips moved almost neck and neck to the others. It ran away when the first group of SkyShips burst, leaving behind a shower of debris.
Among these debris was an object, which looked as if it was made of pure energy. As it indeed was
Well...that was an interesting ending there to cut to a almost the aftermath of the situation there...with the debris of potentially this ship crashing to the ground there....and well...that last line was definitely very intriguing there. Pretty neat little cliffhanger you've got there.
Aaaaand that's it for this one.
As always remember to take what you think was helpful and forget the rest.
Stay Safe
Harry
tnx again m8
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