PROLOGUE
BOOM!
“Sir the flagship is down! Squadrons one and two are down as well!”Said First-Mate Jacob Lancaster
“May The Great goddess crush those creatures” swore Captain Jonathan Highlaster. “Is the cargo allright?”
“ For now sir, but I don’t think it will be for long at this rate.”
Captain Jonathan stood silently for a moment.” Initiate Protocol Kamikaze”
“ Sir! You can’t do that! There must be another way!”protested the First-Mate
“ You are not the captain of this ship! Initiate Kamikaze now!” Roared the Captain. He knew it was a drastic measure but there was no choice left. The Future depended on his cargo not falling into enemy hands. Resigned to his fate, he made his way back to his cabin. On the dresser stood a Photo of a women with long black hair holding a small girl who held a spanner in her hand. He held the picture in his hand, a single tear dropping on it only to be instantly vaporized by a blinding flash of heat
A deer grazing in the luscious forest below was startled when he heard the sounds of the fighting high up in the air. It watched as one group of SkyShips moved almost neck and neck to the others. It ran away when the first group of SkyShips burst, leaving behind a shower of debris.
Among these debris was an object, which looked as if it was made of pure energy. As it indeed was
To Be Continued
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140,237 Literary Works • 673,049 Reviews
Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),
Hi! I'm here to leave a quick review!!
Anyway let's get right to it,
Wow, okay...that sounds like a pretty big deal there, cause the flagship of a fleet and two entire squadrons sounds like a big ol' chunk of the fleet being lost there...it certainly appears to be a fleet that's at a severe disadvantage here...and well its a pretty exciting start here...to throw us right into the midst of battle. I do wonder how the captain is as calm as they are...its seems to show that they're pretty experienced here which is a nice touch.
Well that decision made with no discussion whatsoever, I feel like that is a little unfair for a captain of an entire ship to make...if its just that one left alone its one thing, but well, that's quite an extreme maneuver. On the other hand though, it does match up with the fact that it appears the whole fleet is in a serious state of disarray there.
Well, that's not a bad moment there, it happens quite fast there so we don't really get to experience that moment too much and see how much it really means there cause it rushed by, but well, considering this is just the start here, that's not too bad. If you do want to sell the moment of that tear with a little more emotion though, it needs to be drawn out a bit more here.
Well...that was an interesting ending there to cut to a almost the aftermath of the situation there...with the debris of potentially this ship crashing to the ground there....and well...that last line was definitely very intriguing there. Pretty neat little cliffhanger you've got there.
Aaaaand that's it for this one.
As always remember to take what you think was helpful and forget the rest.
Stay Safe
Harry
Hello there! Lefty here for a review.
Nice prologue! Fast paced, intense and leaves you wanting more. Nice writing and good grammar.
I skimmed over the other comments/reviews just because I was curious what others said... You said that you were trying to be less descriptive because sometimes you over do it, which I completely get. I think I've done that before as well. I do believe, however, that you're safe adding a little more than you have now. It will help clarify what is going on and any confusion the reader feels (which wouldn't be much) would be cleared up as well. Nice start though! Futuristic steampunk rocks! Keep up the good work! And happy September Review Day!
-Lefty, with the Review Ninjas
*poofs into thin air*
I know this prologue is pretty short , but i am sure you will love the main story
I liked this prologue. It had a great sense of urgency but I felt like it needed to be more descriptive. And that the Captain should show more of his character. What type of person is he? Other then that I think it was great and I think it could be a great story.
Tnx fr the review
I actually tried to keep it less descriptive on purpose as i tend to over describe stuff... ill work on that balance in the first chapter of this story , tnx again fr the reve
as you are new like me , just a tip , when u write a review press the thingy at the bottom to change the state to review NOT POST cuz this is a post and im sure u didnt MEAN to write a post ?
tnx again m8
This is a fantastic prologue! It creates a sense of urgency, but I think the attempt to pull the reader's heartstrings may be a bit lacking. The sense of urgency and panic a moment before almost ruins the moment. I think when you're changing the mood or setting, start a new paragraph. While your style isn't the same as mine, a good way to set the mood is to describe the setting. Try loading the adjectives with the target mood, and maybe have the Captain interact with the environment more.
Tnx fr the review
I actually tried to keep it less descriptive on purpose as i tend to over describe stuff... ill work on that balance in the first chapter of this story , tnx again fr the reve