Greedy Eyes

Hi there!

Quick nitpick to start with:

My tears obscure my vision

The repetition of the word 'my' here is more repetitive than affective. When we're reading, we see that word twice in the span of five words and we feel kind of weary. If you take out the first 'my', the line will work better. It'll also flow better without the mys to "break it up". And if it's said that tears are obscuring her vision, we know that it's her tears. Who else's tears would they be?

First off, I would like to applaud you for how you presented this subject. It's a tough subject, really, as women are always cautious around strange men. Not all men have bad intentions, but women are trained to think all men do and proceed cautiously. You really brought to life that fear and caution and dilemma between doing the right thing and doing what is right for the woman herself.

What I notice about this poem is that it has two definite characters: the man and the woman. We know that the woman is driving the car and just trying to make her way home. We know that the man is stuck on the side of the road, at the beginning, but then find out that nothing's wrong and he just wanted to try and woo her. Those are the only characters and that's the only thing we need to know. However, after reading through this multiple times, I realize that the man represents a certain type of men while the woman represents every woman. Not all men are going to put themselves out to a random woman driving down the road, but this kind of man will. I find that very interesting. And now I can imagine this same poem happening many times over with different men "playing the role" of the man. Which makes the reader feel even more uncomfortable, especially if they're a woman. There isn't just one guy out there like this; there are many. My clue to reach that conclusion came from these lines:

Because I have met you many times before,

Wearing different bodies.

There is one word I notice repeated throughout the poem consistently: you. It comes in different forms, like your and you're. But all in all it's the same word, the same description. And by the time we get to the end of the poem, it becomes a strong, ruthless word with a bad annotation. Your speaker's tone changes very quickly from indecision to repulsion. She is debating whether or not to help the man and then when she does, she's disgusted. That's where the repetition of the word 'you' comes into play. It's a harmless word until he tells her exactly why he flagged her down; then it becomes an insult of sorts. As I read through this, I imagined her saying this word forcefully, spitting it out as if it had venom on it. That really enforces the subject/theme of the poem.

I have another nitpick:

But good girls are polite

Why is 'good girls' italicized? I get that you are trying to bring attention to the term, but you really don't need to. Not to mention this title isn't italicized anywhere else in the poem. You know, when you keep it normal instead of italicized, it's more effective. The readers realize that the speaker is referring to herself as a good girl. Personally, I think that's much more effective than pointing it out.

As this is a dramatic narrative, I didn't expect there to be too much imagery. I've noticed narratives have less pronounced and less intense imagery. This poem, although being a narrative, has some great imagery. The imagery is buried within the words that you choose, which is my favorite way to find imagery in a poem.

It all starts with the title, "Greedy Eyes". That's the most profound imagery in the entire poem as it is the main action in the poem. Those eyes full of greed are what makes the speaker feel the way she's feeling. Without that constant image, this poem wouldn't work as well as it does. Another great image you have here is this line:

A round fat little man you are,

It's something small, but it's a great image. It actually adds to the overall image of this man that the speaker runs into. The image of him being round makes it a bit comical, but also gives us a creepy image. That really adds to the overall tone of distaste towards this man.

I could throw up on the dashboard

Here's another piece of imagery hidden in there. This piece of imagery really brings across the emotion that the speaker is feeling. See if you can add some more of these "hidden gems" in there. The poem is great with how it is now, but with just that little bit more, it can be great

Overall, you've got a wonderful poem here. I applaud you for taking a tough subject and putting it into words. This really hit home for me as a woman who has seen things like this happens before. Thanks for writing it.

Keep writing!
**Noelle**

not a review but just something that stuck out to me

Sometimes in a club,

did the narrator expect to find a sincere gentleman here or what? xp

anyway, great work. keep it up!