z

Young Writers Society


18+ Language Violence

Save You, Save Me [Edited]

by EscaSkye


Warning: This work has been rated 18+ for language and violence.

I did it. I finally did it, Miranda. I was able to protect all of us from mom’s asshole of an ex-boyfriend. He thought he could come on in right in the middle of the night and jump into her bed, but he wasn’t able to. He didn’t anticipate that I’d be there in the house. It’s a good thing I had a friend who could cover me on overtime. If not for that, then we’d probably both come home to see mom crying on the living room sofa again. No way can we just leave it at that! He probably thinks that because we’re all women in the house that none of us knows how to fight – how wrong he was.

That moment when I saw him creeping up the stairs to mom’s room, I sprang into action and pulled his leg from behind. I might have tumbled down the stairs with him, but it was worth it to see the bastard fall on the steps face first. Both of us were woozy at the time, considering we did fall at least half of the flight of stairs, but luckily my adrenaline got the best of me. I saw something poking out of his pocket, so I decided to pull it out. It was a box cutter. God knows what he thought of using it for.

Instantly, maybe because he felt the metal tip of the cutter slide across his thigh, he rolled on his back and grabbed a hold of me. I’d like to say that I was winning – that I didn't have any difficulty throwing this man away from me, seeing that he was bleeding from a gash on his forehead, but I did have a hard time. His trained muscles were no match to mine – how I wish I took self-defense PE seriously at that point. Thankfully, a wave of common sense washed over me. I looked down and saw he wasn't protecting that sensitive area that he so loved using. One quick knee thrust and he was there, lying on the staircase, crying over the possible loss of his future children.

It was my chance – it was that one opportunity to change the tide. If I could use that box cutter and graze it across his neck, then months of terrorizing would be over. You remember how stuff in our house would be moved without our knowledge? Do you remember those tapping noises on the windows when we have a movie night, streaming whatever we find on Netflix? Sis, if I could do it, then it would all be over. We wouldn't have to be afraid anymore. No more lack of privacy.

So I did it. It was the goriest thing I'd seen all my life, yet it also was the most glorious moment I'd ever felt. I felt like a hero. No one has to mess with any of us anymore. His blood sprayed everywhere – on my clothes, on the walls, even on the carpets. It was the sound that seemed music to my ears – the gurgles and gasps he released as he tried to keep the blood from flowing by holding on to the cut I've just made. Too bad for him, no matter how much he tries to fight back, his death is inevitable. No way can he survive.

I stood up and left him there – left him on his own to suffer, to let him meet Death without any interruptions. Then again, maybe I was Death in his eyes. Who knows, but what’s important is it’s done. Nothing and no one can make us scared again, especially with this new-found power I wield. I know now that I have the hands and mind that can decide when to erase someone off the face of this earth, for the betterment of everyone else alive.

Aren't you proud of me, Miranda? All three of us can live peacefully from now on. I’ll be here to protect all of us, no matter what method I have to use. If push comes to shove, I can lay it all down again and be Death’s apprentice. I’ll do it. I’ll do it if it means it’s all for our family. You know that that’s what I care about right? It’s about us, about the people dear to me. So please, help me. These people – all these people are judging me. They confined me in a room and look at me as if I’m a rat. They murmur things – things that aren't true. I can hear them say that they’ll keep me here until I can live on my own – until I can accept the truth. Do you want to hear the lies they say? I’ll tell you.

They say you and mom are dead.

That isn't true right? I saved all of us. They try to tell me that lie – they try to make me believe, but I won’t, because I know better. I killed him, I know I did. I killed him, didn't I? You should know that, you and mom have been visiting me time and again inside this room. I tried telling them that, but the dumb people won’t believe me. They tell me there’s no one there. Of course there is! There’s mom and you! What I don’t understand is why they can’t see the living but would interact with the dead.

You know what I mean, right? All the time, the ghost of mom’s ex-boyfriend stands outside that door, looking at me with those rage-filled eyes.


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Tue Sep 09, 2014 2:40 am
bobiscrazy998 says...



that was very good, but why didn't the main charater continued stabbing the ex-boyfriend? and where was this set? because to me it sounds like she was in a mental insuitet. ether way it was very good. keep up the good work!
yours truly
bobiscrazy998




EscaSkye says...


Most of your questions are up to you to decide! I wanted to leave the ending ambiguous to see what you guys would come up with, really. As for stabbing the boyfriend, personally I don't think stabbing someone when you already dealt a fatal blow to them would do much. That is me though. :D



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Sun Sep 07, 2014 2:09 am
MrJenius wrote a review...



I really enjoyed the story. It was very exciting, and it kept me wanting to read more about the whole family, and the end really surprised me. More so than I thought it would. I would like to read more about the family, like what happens to her as in the institution and how her life progresses from this point on. Overall, I thought that the story was really good, and I wouldn't mind reading more about the family.




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Thu Sep 04, 2014 9:53 pm
Soulfulwriter wrote a review...



I love the beginning. I bet some kids wished they could do that to save their mom or siblings. But sometimes the guys can be so ruthless no matter who it is or the reason behind it. But the mental twist on it is really amazing because I had to read it twice to make sure that I understood what you were talking about. I loved it.




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Thu Sep 04, 2014 2:56 pm
eve5071 wrote a review...



I loved this story. The way you described the fight Scene was nice.
The choosing of the word was very well donned.
The twist in the end before finishing the story i had another twist in my mind but yours was better.
And it was a very good idea to leave the end so blurry its up to the persons imagination to decide if she killed her mother and sister or the man did.
Honestly before reading (anonymousx) review i though that she was the one that killed them.
Nice job , keep writing.




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Mon Sep 01, 2014 9:45 am
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anonymousx wrote a review...



I really like this. It does follow the plot of movies I've seen in the past but people don't normally expect a twist like that. I really enjoy how you touch on the mental aspect of an event like that. You make your character sound crazy and even though the reader doesn't exactly know what happened with her family, whether that mean she killed them or the man killed them, they're left with the image of a girl, alone, seeing dead people. I see the point of the the other review on here by Biscuits, about not knowing what exactly has happened but I think with something like this it's nice to be left wondering. While some may like to know exactly why and how it happened, others enjoy the suspense of wondering if she killed them or if someone else did and she was just the only survivor and then went crazy. I really enjoyed reading this :)




EscaSkye says...


I'm glad it worked out for you! To be honest, I was leaning towards making it clear at the end at first, but decided against it. I thought it'd be fun to read what you guys would speculate. Thank you for your review! :D



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Mon Sep 01, 2014 8:33 am
ExOmelas wrote a review...



'grabbed a hold on me' - 'on' should be 'of'.

'a wave of common sense went over me' - you could use a water-related word instead of 'went' here.

Your description of the guy getting kicked in the balls was great!

'We don't have to be afraid any more' - 'don't' should be 'would'.

The paragraph about the character stabbing him is mostly in first tense. So far it's all been in past tense so change the 'I've's to 'I'd's. etc

'the lies the say' - the second 'the' should be 'they'.

Wow. That's quite a twist. 10/10 for shock. The story was concise and fast-paced which worked very well with the genre. The only problem is that I still don't quite understand what actually did happen, which takes a some of the effect away.

Your characterisation and tone are excellent. Your setting could use a little development but it's not essential.

Well done :D




EscaSkye says...


Haha, thank you! You're free to interpret what you think happened, but if you want to know how I envisioned it, then I'd be happy to tell you through a message. Just tell me if you want to know. Also, thank you for catching those mistakes. I didn't notice those when I reread it earlier.




"You know, sometimes all you need is twenty seconds of just embarrassing bravery. And I promise you, something great will come of it."
— We Bought A Zoo