Young Writers Society

Not bad. I felt like a lot of the rhyming was forced, like you struggled in finding words that held the meaning that you wanted to convey but wanted them to sound the same as well. Other than that, I like the meaning of the song and I think you've done a great job with it. Nice work and my apologies if I can't give you any more constructive criticism. Everything else was fine. -IceWinifredd

Hi!

What I liked about this was that you've got a really cool theme running through the whole song about light and darkness, which is something good to drive your lyrics. I also thought the layout was good, I like the use of a pre-chorus, and a short chorus.

I'll fade into the blackness.

Hi there, wisegirl22!

Here is my honest opinion. It's filled with good intentions.

I like that this has a nice message. Your language usage isn't too bad either. That being said, there are a few things that should be changed.

I feel like the beginning contradicts the rest of the song. If the narrator is going to fade into blackness no matter what, then how can they comfort other people? That first verse causes problems with the rest of the lyrics. You should change it.
First they're doomed to fade away, then they're fighting the blackness? If they're doomed, they wouldn't be fighting.

You use darkness and lightness a lot here. I would find different words to communicate the same thing, as these words have become stale already, and I haven't even heard the melody accompanying this song. Find other ways to say what you mean than constantly relying on the overused metaphor of light and dark.

I find it weird that you have used "child" to refer to the other person. I feel like the narrator shouldn't be calling anyone child if they themselves are still battling the dark. The narrator still has growing up to do, and therefore, is still a child themselves. You don't often hear children calling each other child because they don't want to be children anymore.

Anyway, I hope that this review proves useful to you. Happy writing!

Hello EPICnumber 1 here...

I like this song and I think you have a melody to it as well. The message is clear through out this piece. I like the reassuring line at the end of the chorus "I'll always be right here". I think it is too short try to add a few more verses. I love your ideas but the words you used are a little bit too simple try to add some more complicated words in to this. When it says " different part" try to come up with a better way to say it because in my opinion it sounds kind of off putting. The verses are also a little bit too short try to add a few more lines on to that but if you have a melody to this and my ideas don't work ignore them or change the melody what ever suits you. all in all this is a lovely song

EPICnumber1 xxxx