z

Young Writers Society



Bike rides in Berlin

by TheWeather


i

whistling to the sound of the smiths
on your record player created
an ambiance of forever,
i remember passing notes in class,
and kidding ourselves that we were lovesick.

ii

running through museums became
our tradition, we teared down the
walls of history and created our 
own revolutions.

iii
we built forts that reached 
our empire states of mind 
there’s no place like home,
there’s no place like home.

iv

we were out of touch with
reality, and soon enough became
out of touch with each other.
there's no place for thoughts,
there's no place for thoughts.


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159 Reviews


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Tue Apr 21, 2015 11:45 am
Skydreamer says...



why'd you take this off? :O




TheWeather says...


I kinda want to start again with my poems. Clean slate init



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Tue Aug 05, 2014 2:46 pm
erilea wrote a review...



TheWeather, good morning. My name is wisegirl22, I've seen you but haven't reviewed you, have I?

Okay, I had a teensy-weensy problem with the Roman numerals. You don't have to fix this at all, I just prefer them capitalized.

"i"

And just one question, before I sweep the curtains in front of my face:

Why did you title this "Bike Rides In Berlin"?

See ya',
Wisegirl22




TheWeather says...


Hi, everything was intentionally lowercase. I've explained the title below in a comment on the first review.



erilea says...


Oh. Thx!



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15 Reviews


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Mon Aug 04, 2014 3:22 am
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This was all truly thought out and well written. I loved how you made the feeling of this poem, I really can't describe it. It was a wonderful poem that I would love to reread over and over again. I can't wait to see more of your work.




TheWeather says...


Thanks



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Mon Aug 04, 2014 12:30 am
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FearlessLove4 wrote a review...



This is beautiful.

You've created an atmosphere of enchantment with such simple language, and I really like that. I fell in love with your second stanza. I thought it was lovely. You managed to create a personal relationship with the reader from the start and continued strong throughout the entire piece.

Oh, and the title really did create an air of nostalgia.

I really enjoyed this. :)

~ FearlessLove4




TheWeather says...


Thank you



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333 Reviews


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Sun Aug 03, 2014 1:45 pm
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retrodisco666 says...



Breathtaking. Absolutely breathtaking.

This is so simple and beautiful and you've managed to create such a personal connection with the reader. You're use of Berlin and the idea of tearing down walls is inspired especially when considered within a bigger analogy.

This is absolutely fantastic and you should be proud l this
~retro




TheWeather says...


Thanks a lot :)



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223 Reviews


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Sat Aug 02, 2014 10:20 pm
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Kelpies wrote a review...



Hello TheWeather!

This is beautiful! short, sweet, and beautiful. My favorite part is:

"we were out of touch with
reality, and soon enough became
out of touch with each other.
there's no place for thoughts,
there's no place for thoughts."

That just got me in the heart, it's wonderful. One thing I don't understand: Why is it called "Bike rides in Berlin"?. It doesn't make much sense in my opinion. You're the boss.

~Kelpies.




TheWeather says...


Well, the title was just to represent the reminiscent/nostalgic feel of the poem. Thanks for the review.



Kelpies says...


You're welcome. And now I get it.




“Can a magician kill a man by magic?” Lord Wellington asked Strange. Strange frowned. He seemed to dislike the question. “I suppose a magician might,” he admitted, “but a gentleman never could.”
— Susanna Clarke, Jonathan Strange & Mr Norrell