Young Writers Society

Hey there, jls1638! This a pretty good poem, and I feel as if I can relate to it a lot, especially on some of those really bad days. I like the fact that this is a free verse poem because it helps this kind of poem flow more. Although, there is no punctuation, except for the question mark after line eight, which doesn't really go with the rest of the poem. I think that there should be commas and periods in this, but not too many of them. Other than those few little things, this is a great poem. Four out of five.

Hasta la vista,

DeltaEcho

Wow, this is very deep and honest. Very good job and keep up the great work!

Hi there! Alliyah is here to review your poem!

Grammar/Wording:
This is extremely loose free verse. But just because a poem is free verse does not mean that line breaks, capitalization, and punctuation are unimportant in fact it often mean that they are more important. Because you can change them in any way that fits the message you want to convey.

To make the poem look cleaner I think you should consider breaking up at least lines 2,9,11 into separate lines. These ones seem particularly long and out of place. Your poem would flow better if the lines had a more similar amount of syllables.

I would break line 2 like such: "That I have been left/ to the emptiness/ of my soul" this would put left, emptiness, and soul at the ends of lines and these are all good words to emphasize all three are powerful ending words that could get lost in the middle of a long line.

*EDIT* The last line is obnoxiously long, sorry. You are confusing grammar with structure (just because something is not all one thought does not mean it can't go in separate lines). You are sacrificing rhythm and flow for the sake of some clarity. But the last line is in fact so long that you lose clarity. Separating a long sentence into multiple lines allows a reader to soak in meaning, words, and emotion at each line break but having this extensive line is exactly the same as forgetting to break a prose piece into paragraphs. By the time I get to the end of the line I no longer care about the first half of the sentence because there were no line breaks. Sorry if this is harsh, but I want you to do well in poetry, and refusing to do line breaks mid-sentence will make it hard to write great poetry (not impossible but difficult) *EDIT*

Other Suggestions:
In line 7

"WHY"

"Why can't they leave my wounds to heal?

This review courtesy of