Young Writers Society

"I am from totally failing to do cartwheels

And totally completing puzzles"
*unless this was intentional, I would come up with a synonym for the second "totally"

I could only find that one thing. I think this is a really sweet poem and I love how you capture your whole life in those few individual sentences. They are unique. You give readers short sentences, yet they completely describe your life and past and I can picture everything. Great job!

Heya!

I am from reading and listening to old records

From the Beatles and Stephen King

I am from totally failing to do cartwheels

And totally completing puzzles

I am from sweet memories

Embedded in the walls

Hello, Chips here with a review.

This was a lovely personal piece of poetry. It was light and genuine and I'm sure your mom would love this poem too.

I know your poem was entitled, "Where I'm from". I found the word, "from" to be a bit overused at times. It started to feel like a list and become redundant. I thought your poem in general needed some variation and something to set it apart and make it more interesting.

The descriptions you used were good but they would be even better if you left the phrase, "I am from".. until the end or when referencing something important. Some of the aspects that you were from were more like all-American things that appealed to a lot of people, which made the poem stand out less, in a sense. E.g.

"I am from meatloaf and steamed broccoli

From cheerleading and watching football games

I am from the late night camp fires and early morning bagels"

Here, it's more all-American as oppose to YOU personally. The word *cheerleading* should also be spaced according to my spell/grammar check.

"I am from totally failing to do cartwheels

And totally completing puzzles"

There's a repetition of, "totally" here which I would avoid with sentences so close together. Since you're using opposites in these two lines with failing and succeeding in things. Perhaps instead of using "totally" in the second sentence and *ultimately* in the first one?



"I am from a tidy house

Neat and organized

I am from Frebreze and fresh sheets

From always having flowers in the house

I am from lavender"

This was a nice opening, slightly humorous too as it has a realistic element of a home. With the reference to, "Frebreze".


Overall this was a nice poem, hope this review helped. Keep writing.

--Chippy

D'aww.

This is a very sweet poem. It's very even and neat and sweet.
You're writing to your mom about you mom and it's all lovely.
Obviously, this is a work you wouldn't write anything negative in, so I think it's unfair to say anything negative in the review.
Obviously, you could point out the fact that this is very "good" as in only the postive points are featured on, but that's just the nature of the poem.
I really liked this bit:

I am from sweet memories

Embedded in the walls

Hey Sweetpete10. Strange here and I have a review for you.
I have to give a fair harshness warning on this, and I'm going to be honest. No sugarcoating whatsoever, because it's better to be honest. I'm not going to be extremely mean, as there are good points about this poem. I did like how this poem was sweet at points and was a homage to your mother. It's nice that you have to do that. It wasn't blunt, but it wasn't delivered that well. I felt that you just put it on a platter and left it there to be eaten, no preparation at all. I felt like you just pulled this out of your notebook, and I'm sorry, but this needs some work done on it.
One of the biggest problems about this poem is the repetition of I am from. Sometimes repetition works, but you don't get the most out of repetition. Another thing about that is it, isn't, the world's best concept? It feels sloppy. Another thing about this poem is that it doesn't rhyme. I know, most poems don't rhyme, but it does have some artistic fashion with it. This poem doesn't have artistic fashion at all. I'm sorry, but there is work needed. This poem does have potential, don't get me wrong, but you aren't using all of it.
Overall, meh.
Strange gives you..
Meh/10
Good job,
Keep writing,
Stay groovy, my friend.

Hey there Pete! I had to write an "I am from..." poem in school last year too! Yours was a lot better than the one I through together for class though! So to the review:

Grammar/Wording:
In the first stanza I believe that "Frebreeze" is actually spelled "Febreze" and there's no reason to capitalize "Organized" really.

The language is pretty simple but it does seem very genuine. My favorite stanza was the one about family traditions I guess because it reminded me of some of the traditions my family has, and your stanza seemed very personal to your family. So good job on that.

I found it a little weird that you put "totally" twice in one stanza, but maybe you were just going for some repetition.

Other Suggestion:
2nd stanza you should capitalize the "from" to be consistent.

The capitalization in the last stanza is a little odd, I would suggest maybe just using italics instead of throwing extra capital letters, but I guess what ever's your preference works.

Content/Message:
This is a sweet poem and written very personally. There wasn't any really unique imagery or message that blew me away, but I believe it accomplished the task of writing a poem about your family and what their traditions and memories mean to you.

Good job and good luck in future works.

~alliyah

Hi, sweetpete10! I really enjoyed this poem and the realness of it. Out of all the descriptions in this piece of work, someone can relate to at least one of them. That is a very good thing to have in a piece of writing. Keep doing what you're doing!

XOXO
Anabelle