Young Writers Society

Hello There! Scarlet here too review!

First off I love the emotional reference put into this poem.

I do have a few nitpicks though.

NITPICKING TIME!!!


My anger takes form --->

(This part I feel throws off the balance of the poem. Maybe try something like.

'My blood begins to boil' or 'My anger begins to manifest' I believe would sound better.)



Anger fills my veins,--->

This also throws off the poem a bit. Maybe try something like,

'Rage begins to build inside my veins' or 'Rage fills my veins' changing that first word anger, too something with the same meaning would make it sound more professional.


Other than that there are no grammar or punctual mistakes that I see.
This poem was emotional and meaningful to you. It came from personal experience and I loved how you put that down into a poem.

Great Job!



Sincerely, @ScarletDreams14; Member of Salsa Verde


Writer, Artist, Student and Reader

Hi Kelpies!
RachelLeeAnn here for a review.

I like the vibe I get from this poem; kind of dark and dreary, but also intense. Very good imagery.

However, I agree with what ReisePiercy said about "writing pen" seeming a little odd. It tripped me up at first because I thought maybe it was some fancy writing tool I didn't know about! I get that if you changed the word choice here, you'd also have to change "brush strokes." I would suggest this:

But to hold a writing pen.

My anger takes form

through harsh strokes on paper.

Hi, Kelpies.

I usually don't review poetry so please bear with me.

If you're trying to keep with being grammatically correct then you need a comma after the first line because of the second. In a regular connected sentence it would be "These hands were never meant to throw a punch, but to hold a writing brush." That said, "But" should not have a capital letter on the second line. That first couplet would be okay if you continued that theme throughout the rest of the poem, but since you changed with the second couplet - and kept with that theme - you have to change so everything fits.

Also, "writing brush" is a bit weird. I'd suggest saying something as simple as "pen", but I see that you need it to complete some imagery in the second couplet. I don't know anyone that writes with a brush, but also can't see any changes that would allow you to keep that same description.

but on #00BF00 ">that fateful day,

Anger fills my veins,

with the need to destroy.

Thewriter13 here for a review!
I see nothing wrong with such an emotional piece. I felt a lot in those 9 lines and was able to connect with this piece.
I think the only thing I would have you change is the repetition of "brush" in this piece.
I mean repetition is fine but I think you could use a better word after writing.
Perhaps writing tool or something like that?
I'm not sure.
One more thing:
In some lines you used commas I don't think need to be there. The anger in this piece is clear and perhaps don't add commas so the flow of the poem is consistent with no breaks. I think I would feel even more of the emotion if you did this.
Wow.
I'm honestly speechless.
Very well done and we've all gone through those rough patches, believe me. I'm glad you got out of that period in your life.
Keep writing!

Hello, love! Aurora here for a quick review.

Alright. I really like this. Dark and dreary. My favorite.

I only have one critique for you. The second time that you say 'I may never throw a punch', you should consider changing that to 'These hands many never throw a punch'. Just to put some repetition in there. And in your last line, wished should be wish, so that you don't switch tenses . Unless that was on purpose, in which case, oops.

The lines that talk about anger are very realistic. I enjoyed reading this and it's very easy for nearly anyone to relate to. It made me feel something, and that's amazing.

Keep writing, love.
Aurora

Hello.
Kanome here with a review.

I understand how you feel about this. I used to feel the same way as you once in my life, so I feel a special connection with this piece.
Also, I won't judge... these are your feelings, so it's okay.

Nitpick:
- I am sorry for nitpicking on something truly realistic, but I believe a comma should be placed here.

These hands were never meant to throw a punch,

But to hold a writing brush.

And no, I don't want to talk about it.