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Time

by Eferhilda


The time between our encounters is Maddening

The simple strokes of the keys appeasing but not satisfying

What I need is to see You

Time, to be in your presence

Basking in Your smile

Hearing your laugh

The time between our encounters feels like I am holding my breath

Waiting for the chance when my eyes may be blessed with the sight of you

How I wish time would tick away faster

Tick away to the moment we are together at long last

Then slow, so that every moment spent with you lasts for an eternity

That I may finally breath

The time in between our encounters is not enough

But I rather have that time, then no time at all


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19 Reviews


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Fri Jun 20, 2014 10:28 pm
GDrama97 wrote a review...



This is a very well written poem. Good job on the topic selection. I was able to gather a lot of imagery from your poem. Just be careful with punctuation spelling and grammar. Other than that a very well written piece. can't wait to see what in store for us next time. Keep up the good work. You are doing well. Poems are very hard to write and perfect but you have done a good job though.




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Fri Jun 20, 2014 3:41 am
jakobwrites wrote a review...



I like your consistency in capitalization, and relate to this poem immensely, having been in long distance relationships as well. The only complaint from me is the punctuation. A lot of poems lack in punctuation, and it's very common for me to write reviews like this, but commas are often not enough. Unless the reader is reciting the poem aloud with verbal punctuation, it's very easy for the words to drag along in your mind. Periods and semicolons help keep the piece in an intelligent, refreshed feeling throughout. Good job, and don't take my words too seriously. You're a very talented writer.




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Thu Jun 19, 2014 10:01 pm
Asteria wrote a review...



Where I just read your sonnet and loved it so much, I thought I'd make my way over to another piece of yours and see if I felt the same toward this piece. The answer to that is easy: I love this just as much as the aforementioned piece.

The way you capitalize words throughout your poem shows a practiced emphasis; I found myself reading those words with more feeling than those without it. I could feel the need for them, the "You" in this piece as though it were my own. I can feel how the time between encounters is nearly too much to take, the feel of time ticking by so slow, like molasses falling through the fingers, when it went by so much faster while you were together.

Funny how time does that, drags out the time you dread and speeds up the time you hold most dear.

Once again, I'm impressed by your writing and can't wait to see more from you!

You've definitely persuaded me to be a happy follower of your work.




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Thu Jun 19, 2014 8:40 pm
karinawhitney wrote a review...



Hi there,
I totally absolutely love this poem it describes the feeling of yearning for a loved one perfectly.
i love this part :
"Tick away to the moment we are together at long last

Then slow, so that every moment spent with you lasts for an eternity"
because it wholly describes how i feel when I'm anxious for something wanting it to come all at once but go in slow motion so i can savor it , like wanting Christmas to hurry up but never wanting it to leave.
You should definitely keep writing things like this! your work is are great!

~~karina




Eferhilda says...


That is also my favorite part! Glad you enjoyed it and thank you for the review. :)



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Thu Jun 19, 2014 8:04 pm
WritingNinja wrote a review...



First off, your poem is great, and I can really picture your feelings towards your love. This poem is great, so this is just a few minor ideas. So, one thing you can do is use different types of punctuation marks to bring emphasis to specific areas, such as periods, hyphens, semicolons, and whatnot. If you use those, I think it could add more emphasis. And one tiny detail, in line 12 you used the word "breath" but I think you meant "breathe". Just one thing I noticed. Sorry if I sound a little picky, just a few things I thought of reading the poem. Great work though!




Eferhilda says...


Thanks! I will be sure to look into trying different punctuation and such :)



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Thu Jun 19, 2014 4:45 pm
hkbeans wrote a review...



I love the word choice!! I don't know if the words that are randomly capitalized are supposed to be but if they aren't I'd just be sure to watch that in the future. I love how this piece flows and makes you feel like you are in one of those poetry clubs where they snap instead of clap. :) I enjoyed reading this because it perfectly describes the situation I'm in right now although the other person doesn't know it yet. Keep writing!! I really thought it was good!! :)




Eferhilda says...


Glad that you could relate to it and that you enjoyed it!



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Thu Jun 19, 2014 4:18 pm
tgirly wrote a review...



"The time in between our encounters is not enough" This line is confusing, because it seems like he/she wants more time alone, which was not what I interpreted the rest of the poem to mean. In the last line, I should be I'd and then should be than, and in the third to last line, breath should be breathe. Those were the only grammar mistakes I saw though; not too many.
I don't completely understand the capitalization; I know it's to draw more attention to those words, but it feels a bit random.
I enjoy the varied lengths of the lines. When I first saw the poem, I didn't think it would flow very well since some lines are so much longer than others, but it actually had a good rhythm; I didn't feel any parts were off beat or anything, so that's really good a hard thing to do.
You do a great job in this poem of portraying the feeling; the longing to be together and the impatience that time is taking so long, but an element that you could probably work on his imagery, because throughout the poem, the only image that came into my head was the tickings of a clock (not a clock, just the tickings, which is kind of an interesting effect; maybe explore that a bit more). You mention the laugh of the missing person, but this is very brief and almost slips the reader's notice, maybe elaborate on this a bit. The line about 'basking in your smile' is the best imagery in the entire poem, so I might expand on this a bit more. I like the comparison of the smile to something bright, like the sun. That's really good.
Good job, I hope this review helped.
-tgirly




Eferhilda says...


Thanks for the review :) I dug this out of an old collection I have and after I posted it and read it over noticed the grammar errors that you pointed out...but had hit that darn submit button already. All well...lol But I really do appreciate the feedback. Any constructive feedback is definitely helpful




My existence is political. And love is my statement.
— Kevin Abstract