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E - Everyone

Blind - Chapter 19

by WillowPaw1

"Now, I just want to get to know you all a little bit more, so if you could just finish this worksheet, that would be tons of help," Ms. Camet said. What was there to tell her? I'm blind. I have a brother and sister. Yup, that's my life.

I heard her pass out papers to everyone in the classroom. Well, everyone but me. When she was finished, she called, "Ember, could you come to my desk, please?"

I felt my face heat up and I had the instinct I was in some sort of trouble. Or maybe she would say something about Mousse? Oh, man.

Quietly, I stood up and made my way towards Ms. Camet's desk. She helped me by calling out left, right, or straight. Mousse didn't know her scent or desk location yet, so I wasn't able to use him. His leash rubbed against my hand as I approached her table.

"I just want you to know that even if you're blind, you're welcome here. You're no different. You'll learn Braille quickly, and I was told you're very smart and there's no need to be afraid." Her words were smooth as silk and sounded true.

"You're told by who I'm very smart?" I asked.

"Your parents," Ms. Camet replied.

"Oh," I said softly. There was a moment of silence, then I said, "How do you want me to do the sheet you passed out?"

Ms. Camet didn't seem to mind at all as she said, "You don't need to do it. I'll have you do something later in the day."

I was just about going to nod, then I crinkled my nose. "Wait. But I don't have you later today, do I?"

"I teach your special ed class," Ms. Camet said, then she shooed me away.

I liked her, and I was glad I didn't have some snobby mean teacher that thought me Braille and whatever else they tought in the special ed class. That would stink.

I made my way back to my desk easier than I did getting to Ms. Camet's desk. I was pretty sure Mousse didn't know the way yet, but there was a chance he already got the location of my desk down.

Maybe Ms. Camet would let me do the worksheet in the other class. For some reason, I kind of wanted to do it, even though it would probably ask stupid questions.

I remained in my seat a while longer until someone poked me in the back. Their finger jabbed underneath my shoulder blade, and I winced at the sudden pain. 

"Who was that?" I whispered. 

"Me!" Then the sound of footsteps were off. It was Jason, and it wasn't hard to tell. His voice wasn't hard to recognize, and I always remember a voice. 

When the bell rang a few minutes later, I walked up to Ms: Camet's desk with my schedule tight in my hand. I asked her what I had next. 

"Math, then science, then elective, which is your special ed class that I'll teach you, then you have Health/PE, and you'll be taught alone, and lastly, history. Lunch is after elective." 

"Thank you, Ms. Camet. What room number is my math class?" I almost forgot to ask her that, and in that case I would have had to ask someone I didn't know, and I didn't want to do that. 

"204. Have fun, Ember." 


Math and science went by easily. My math teacher, Mr. Hawkin, was really nice to me, just like Ms. Camet. Mrs. Lee, who taught science, was okay. She wasn't as nice as the others but she at least helped me to elective. 

Mousse had each classroom's scent so far. So if I wanted him to take me to Mr. Hawkin's classroom, he could go there no problem. Same thing with all my other classes, so far. 

Mrs. Lee helped me along the halls and she stopped. "This is your elective. Have a good day." Then she went off. 

"Elective, Mousse. This is my elective." I walked forward a couple steps until I had my palm on the door. I fumbled around for a little bit, trying to find the door had. My hand hit it, I grasped it, then turned and pulled..

"Ember!" Ms. Camet cried. "How was math and science?"

"They were okay." I said. I forced a smile, then asked, "Where should I sit?" 

"Eager, huh?" Ms. Camet asked.

I shrugged. Sure, I guess I was happy to be alone and away from others who could actually see, and I really wanted to learn Braille, but I don't know. I'm still not sure about the whole "school" idea. 

"Sit here," Ms. Camet said, as she pulled a chair towards me. I heard the rub of its legs on the carpet, an when it stopped I put my hands behind me just to feel it, then sat down..

Ms. Camet pulled a chair for herself across from me. I heard the rustle of papers, just like the first day Mother introduced Braille to me. 

She handed me a sheet and said, "Read as much of this as you can." 

I brushed my fingers slowly across it and said letters, since I couldn't read full words. "R, T, O, O, G, S, M..." 

"Fine, fine!" Ms. Camet said, in a happy tone. Right when she was going to hand me a new one, Mousse leaped up on my lap and barked twice. I pet him, then pushed him off. 

"He never does that," I said, puzzling over his action. 

Just then, I heard a big rumbling, and the the ground started to shake. 

"Earthquake! Here, let me get you under a table!" Ms. Camet cried, but before I could do anything, I feel backwards. My head hit something hard and I felt it spinning, and then suddenly... nothing. 

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User avatar
73 Reviews

Points: 1442
Reviews: 73

Sun Sep 28, 2014 11:59 pm
Zontafer wrote a review...

Hey Willow!
I was looking for things to review, and I realized I never reviewed chapter 19, so here I am. ^^


Her words were smooth as silk and sounded true.

'sounded true' sounds a bit awkward here. A suggestion:
Her words were smooth as silk and honest/sounded honest.

She wasn't as nice as the others but she at least helped me to elective.

the elective*

First thing I'd like to talk about in this review, is Ember's feelings and senses. Since your MC has lost one of her senses, it's extra important to include the other four senses when writing. Especially when she's blind, as you can't just tell how things look.
There's loads of places you could use them here, for example:
In the hallways. Ember must have heard something when walking to her Special ED class? Students getting ready for their next class, perhaps they were getting books from their lockers and talking to each other on the way.

When the earthquake hit in. How does Ember feel? Does she have any idea about what's going on before Ms. Camet cries 'Earthquake!'? In that case, she must have been really frightened.

Some positive things is that I liked the way you used Mousse to signalize that something was happening, which increased the tension a lot for a couple of moments.
Your dialogue is also well-written, and not boring at all. I also like the names you have given the teachers, each of them different from the other.

I hope you will be posting more not too soon, cause it's really exciting to read about a Blind person!
Give me a PM as soon as you get another one out! ^^

- Zontafer

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240 Reviews

Points: 279
Reviews: 240

Sun Jun 29, 2014 8:11 pm
AdmiralKat wrote a review...

Hello! KatyaElefant here to review! Happy Review Day! Oh gosh! 0_0 Chapter 19, well...I'll see what I can do...

NITPICK 1 and 2:

I liked her, and I was glad I didn't have some snobby mean teacher that thought me Braille and whatever else they tought in the special ed class.

I think that Special ED class should have the letter capitalized like this because that is how you usually see it when you have it on your schedule(or any other class) Also, taught is spelled wrong in this sentence.

Just then, I heard a big rumbling, and the the ground started to shake.
The is repeated twice here. Remove one of them.

I read through this and I feel like it needs more description. Describe everything you see. Make the reader be in the moment. Have all 4 senses in the story. (Try to imply taste if you can but that one is not necessary) Since the character is blind, you can't have them see anything. You seem to be just stating the action nothing else. People who are blind, get their other sense more enriched. That means they can sense everything much much better.

I really like the plot. I could tell what it was and you are on your 19th chapter! I see that you have pretty good grammar and spelling. I love the ending you have there but just the lack of imagery kills it. Over all, I like this story a lot. You should keep writing it. Have a nice review day! :D

WillowPaw1 says...

Thank you so much! Later I'll go in as add some feelin and more imagery and whatnot. I'll also fix the nitpicks. Thanks again!

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933 Reviews

Points: 4311
Reviews: 933

Fri Jun 20, 2014 4:47 am
Iggy wrote a review...

Hey Willow.

Such a short chapter! I'm not sure what I can say about it. D:

First off, I'm happy to report that I found no nitpicks. Yay! If I had to point one thing out, it would be the lack of description. I feel that you can do better with this. Give us more insight with Ember. How's she feeling?

You know, for a blind girl, she sure doesn't use her hands much. She's got to use her way of touch to get around. Use that to your advantage. Describe how she stumbles and bumps into stuff and accidentally steps on someone or Mousse. Describe the desk, the classroom, the sounds, the feels.

A story with a blind main character can put the author at a disadvantage because they have to work twice as hard with imagery than a normal author, so make sure you're focused on imagery as much as you can without overdoing it.

Other than that, nice start to her first day! She's got a nice teacher. One question - why isn't she in a special ed class? How else are you gonna teach a blind girl? Most blind people are either in 1) a school specifically for the blind or 2) in a special ed class for the entire day. Not saying she's mentally challenged, just that there's really no reason for her to be in a regular class if she can't keep up. I suppose you have your reasons, though.

I look forward to seeing more! I hope this helps.


WillowPaw1 says...

Oh, this is still a draft. :P

WillowPaw1 says...

Oh, this is still a draft. :P

WillowPaw1 says...

I put out the final thing... I guess you could read it so you're updated for the next chapter?

I *do* like flipping tables.
— Faye Whitaker, Questionable Content