This has been the summer of my life. With hot, sticky you we felt electric as our bodies were
Finding each other for the first time.
Thank you for those long car rides of silence when you gave me my space . You were always so accepting...
I'll forever cherish those simple days where we would talk about our future, and what we wanted from life under that big oak tree while sipping on your Mom's famous cherry-cicles.
How I long for days like the ones when we played kid games. So effortless, yet they gave me a feeling of internal contentment.
They say that summer has the longest days, but those days were never long enough. I know I'll never see you again, but I'm okay with that. All I ask from you is that you remember me.
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139,276 Literary Works • 672,524 Reviews
OK..
Welcome to YWS, firstly, where you from?
once i saw this it reminded me of the Lana del Rey song.....of the same name. and sorta the same message but it still has it's own originality.
your grammar was a little off, so i think you nee to go check that out.
the language or tone of the writer(the person talking) was simple yet so absorbing. i found myself thinking about everything that had happened between you and this so called person. it brought me sadness but the memories, though cliche, were really....sweet.
i don't have much to say, the length is just perfect and the arrangement is catchy.
all in all, you did a pretty great job but i think you should go back for spell-check, grammar and punctuation. (Even capitalization, y'know)
Dazzal for now
XOXO
Bunie
Hey, I'm from South Carolina. Yeah, the grammar is pretty bad, lol. By the way, I LOVE Lana Del Rey.
oh that's why......i have a best friend who's simply obsessed with her......
Hey, what's up? Welcome to YWS! Good job on your poem; I really liked it. It reminded me of summer and happiness yet at the same time, sadness. It makes me think and has a sense of emotion. You should have built the emotion further but the ending was great. That was the best point - emotion-wise - in your poem. "All I ask from you is that you remember me" It was really good. But I do need to point out some things. "With hot, sticky you we felt electric". I don't get what you are trying to say. The lack of grammar interferes with what you are trying to say. Also i am almost positive that you cannot sip a Popsicle. Only those two things you have to change. Other than that, your poem is really good. Good job
Lol sorry, my grammar was totally off on that one!
Hi, moneypowerglory and I want to say... Welcome to YWS! *throws confetti* We hope you like it here.
Ahem.
I really loved this poem! It was so realistic, and the mild (well... Sort of. Maybe?) emotion was fitted in perfectly. It flowed smoothly, and overall I thought it was great.
There was only one major grammar mistake, and I'll point that out quickly.
This sentence doesn't make much sense, mostly because it has two pronouns: you and we right next to each other, but I'm sure that was just a small mistake.
I don't have much to critique on! The imagery was splendid and you had a great vocabulary.
My favorite line:
I thought this was a great poem! Great start to your collection of pieces on YWS!
WillowPaw1~
Thanks WillowPaw1. It was supposed to be "hot, sticky nights with you." Lol, I should really read it twice before I publish it.
Thanks Annaclare%u270C%uFE0F can you point out other any other grammatical errors than Willowpaw1? Also, how do you get points?
I thin that the second sentence was a little confusing, and that night be because the words don't necessarily compliment each other. I just think that that line could use a little revising and proofreading but that is all.
You gain points by giving reviews. Which is honestly just talking about a piece that another person did. You can go to the green room, which has work that you can review. Once you submit your review you will gain a certain amount of points, depending on how long your review is. So yeah, u hope this helped