My Internal Combustion.
I decided to build up above it,
Shove it into the deepest pit.
But somehow it leaks up,
It’s acid rising topside,
This pain.
It was like nothing ever happened,
I smiled with my friends.
But inside I was scorched,
Scalding poison eating into my flesh.
I did not shed a single tear,
Yet my heart still died.
I battle with my memories,
To banish your last words.
That concoction of letters,
which made every word you said.
A farewell that took the form of acid rain,
and left me all burnt and wet.
You are my roller coaster,
The way you marry me then bury me.
You make me smile,
Then you stab my heart while you’re at it.
Will I never learn?
Now I can feel it within me,
The faint whispers of my walls cracking.
This lump in my throat,
Speaks volumes of the hidden pain.
Will this kill me?
This internal combustion.
Shove your hand into my chest,
And cup my heart like you always do.
Stroke and massage it,
Then rip it right through my rib cage.
Do your perfected art,
I won’t shed a tear.
So no I won’t cry.
I’ll just cover up the flaming embers,
And be good at faking smiles.
As sure as my falsities live on,
These eyes will never be wet.
My internal combustion,
Will live on.
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137,690 Literary Works • 672,059 Reviews
the poem captures all the emotions in ur heart . amazing poem , when i was reading it i felt like i was going through what u were going through . good job . can't wait to read more of ur work
Thank's a lot for the review and compliments Sam!
I'd be delighted if you do look into some more of my work.
Good job, mate
Hey, Inspirus! Strange here and I have a review for you!
A quick question about this poem. Is it at all about the friend zone?
I think the whole idea of this poem is having your crush break your heart, or dating a good friend and them breaking your heart. The theme is well displayed through the words that are used in this poem. The narrator talks about hiding heartbreak, and you displayed that well. They build up all this depression and frustration that they are about to explode from all of this. One of the best parts about this poem is that people can relate to it. You didn't make it so absurd that people will complain. You stayed realistic and true to the heart.
I honestly expected a little bit more emotion. A little bit. I wished that I could of felt more sympathy towards the narrator. That sadly didn't happen. I don't know how to say how to improve on the emotion department. It's just a small mistake.
Overall, good job.
Strange gives you...
7.8/10
Good job
Keep writing
Stay groovy, my friend.
Hi Strange!
It's about heart break though. Someone broke my heart and for the first time I decided not to cry about it. lol. I decided to ignore it as if it was just a normal day for me. But well, just cause you ignore it doesnt mean that your subconscious does too. Deep down inside, my awareness of the situation was eating into me. So I decided to just write it down and voila, the poem. 
Well, the poem is not about the zone.
I'm glad you liked it.
Hello!
Is extremely cliche, or at least confusing in my opinion.This poem reminds me a little bit of lyrics. I think it could do well as a song or something.
So this poem is filled with both wonderful and cliche images. The hard part is picking out which is which.
For example:
But Is a very nice image. however the second part of that sentence feels unfinished: "which made every word you said." In fact, it sounds like a fragment. Are you sure you didn't mean to connect that line with the next one? That would make more sense.
I feel like I should talk more general before I get into the nitty-gritty nit-picks (which I'm usually not a fan of, but here they're needed). I think this poem has the potential to be really good. It's just bogged down by all these lack-luster phrases that make this longer and more wordy than it needs to be. The concept is pretty good, it would just be made better by more vivid and concise images.
Okay, let's get to this.
Stanza one:
At the very start, the reader is confused at what you mean by "it." Are you referring to "My internal Combustion" as is stated in the title, or are you referring to something else entirely, like the pain at the end of the stanza. The reader has absolutely no idea.
I feel like the "shoved" should be "shove" because the sentence would read I decided to (build up above it,) shove it into the deepest pit. It would just work with the tenses and stuff.
Again, the reader doesn't know what you're referring to. What pain? And this could be somewhat more descriptive as to what the pain feels like. You said it was like acid. Then is it burning? Say that now, don't save it to later.
Stanza 2
The reader still feels like nothing has happened.
And we talked about the heart dying thing.
Stanza 3
I said everything I wanted to about this already
Stanza 4
I feel like this whole stanza is a bit cliche, with the whole kind of bi-polar thing (with nothing else to refer to it as.)
This line seems especially awkward:
Unless you literally meant marry and bury, I just don't think these were good words to use for this. I get you were trying to rhyme or something, but it didn't work for me.
I also just did not like this line:
it is basically the embodiment of the cliche. Figure out some metaphor for this feeling that hasn't been used before, please.
Stanza 5
I generally like this stanza, I think you could still go through it with a critical eye and see if everything is necessary.
Stanza 6
This had some great images, with the cupping the heart, although I thought the action of "ripping" it was a bit cliche. Maybe this person could slyly slide it through the slats of the ribs or something more unique.
I especially like the "perfected art" detail.
Stanza 7
I feel like you referred to crying just a little bit too much within a few lines. I wish that somehow you related crying to "putting out the internal combustion," so that NOT crying would have it keep going. Do you see what I mean?
So all in all, I think you should take a critical eye to this, and ask yourself what the main main point is. If the line/detail doesn't relate to that, change it, or better, get rid of it.
There was also a point in this where you changed who you were referring to.
The beginning of your poem referred to an "it" that the reader didn't know.
The middle talked about a "you" who the reader didn't know
And then you went back to this "it"
Perhaps you can see now where the confusing parts are. I hope this helped!
Otherwise, everything else that I didn't mention, I generally liked. It was an enjoyable poem altogether.
Great job, keep writing!
~fortis
Hi there Fortis!
I appreciate that. I've read all that you said carefully and one thing that surprised me is how awfully we think alike. 
First of all, thanks a lot for the review. Just by the length of it I could tell that you took your time to look through the poem.
From what I wrote of the description of this poem was that it was just simple words. This poem was was an overflow of the emotions in my heart and I simply scribbled every word that came into my mind. I guess that's why it seemed more like lyrics. I noticed every cliche I was using but I decided to use the simplicity and genuineness as styles to make to simply express my emotions. I'm sure that even we as writers, in a moment of self dialogue, or thought, we use just simple words to converse with ourselves. That's what I was aiming at.
Aha. That's fine then. ^_^