Fern - Chapter 4: Dragon Attack

by Messenger

Published May 21, 2014

12+ Violence

Fern looked all around, but could see nothing in the dark clouds. All she could hear was that roar as it increased in volume and pitch. Jumper was looking back and forth frantically. Fern glanced to Jasper, frightened. Her heart was pumping fast with fear. She had heard stories of dragons hunting unsuspecting travelers. Nothing really remained but some blood and a few bones perhaps.

Jasper pointed towards Revaltree. Fern nodded and swung Jumper back around, who was rumbling in her throat. Fern nudged Jumper’s sides harder and she could feel as the dragon pushed for all she was worth. Crimson Flame pulled up alongside. The bigger and older dragon was more powerful and could fly faster.

Jasper hollered over the increasing wind and rain as the sky darkened. Fern strained to hear him.

“Head for Revaltree! Don’t stop for anything! And watch above you! Wild dragons generally attack from a higher vantage point!”

A tremendously loud roar echoed through the darkening clouds as rain beat down on Fern and Jumper. It seemed to come to the left and above. Fern watched closely, trying to see where the dragons were. She thought she spotted something dark fly by, but it could have just been clouds.

She raised her hand a quickly wiped away her tangled hair from her face, and then gripped the reins tightly, for fear that she may fall off. Her hands were trembling as she pulled herself tight against Jumper.

Then it happened. From nearly overhead came a roar, a dark shadow appeared, and a large dragon flew by in a heartbeat, chomping at Jumper’s tail. Fern swung her head sideways and watched in awe as Jumper flicked her tail lower, and then wild dragon chomped on air.

“Get lower to the ground!” Jasper yelled, lowering Crimson down through the fog and rain as he said so.

Fern followed, grabbing onto Jumper’s rough neck. She spotted a dragon coming from the left, only because of the glowing fire that was coming directly at them. She pushed down and Jumper nose-dived. A wave of heat passed over them and then there was just rain again. Fern screamed in terror as they rushed through the heavy rain. She couldn’t see a thing!

Jumper suddenly pulled up, causing Fern to slam into her saddle. It drove what little air was in Fern’s wings, and she coughed and choked. Then a dark shape loomed ahead of Jumper. It was much larger then even Crimson Flame. It was hovering in the air straight ahead. It looked as if it were about to spew fire. The head pulled back just like Jumper had done.

“Fire!” Fern screamed, clinging to the saddle. Jumper let out the loudest roar that Fern had heard yet, and a blast of fire tore through the rain at the large dragon. The rain diminished some of the effect of the fire, but it still hit the wild beast straight in the snout. With a scream like a wildcat, the dragon recoiled, giving Jumper time to fly passed.

Fern was nearly in tears as a third wild dragon came flying in from the left side. It went in past Crimson and hit Jumper full in the side with its hard snout. Fern nearly lost her hold on the reins as Jumper was thrown through the air. They lost flying rhythm and plunged downwards. Fern screamed as they spiraled downward. Jumper tried to pull herself upright, but before she could they made impact on something hard but that gave way.

A wave of cold water hit Fern and she choked and gagged, releasing the reins as she panicked. Everything went black for a moment. Then reflexes kicked in and Fern pushed her way to the surface. She coughed and spluttered, trying to breathe. Jumper popped up beside her with a splash. Together they made their way to the grassy banks of a river.

Fern took a moment to regain her surroundings and senses. She realized that they must have hit the river Fraser. It ran down the Forbidden Mountains right past Revaltree. Fern shook some water from her clothing and turned to Jumper who was shaking herself off like a dog. Not that it mattered much seeing as the rain continued to pour.

“Jumper, come here!” Fern called, dragging herself over to her dragon. She pulled herself up on the wet leather saddle, realizing that they probably weren’t out of danger yet. Sure enough, Jumper turned her head upwards and Fern followed, seeing a dark, horned shape flying downward. The looming dragon fired a wave of fire, and Fern was sure she was going to die. But Jumper shook her so hard that she slid off the saddle and onto the ground. Her shoulder slammed into the hard ground, sending pain shooting down her arm and through her whole body.

She yelped as Jumper nearly sat on her. For a few seconds she couldn’t see anything, and then Jumper moved off of her, watching the sky. The ground around where Fern was laying was covered in burning grass that quickly died away in the rain. A crash of tree limbs behind Fern caused her to spin. The dragon had landed, smashing through a young sapling on the riverbank.

Jumper stepped past her and roared loudly. Fern resisted the urge to cover her ears. She stepped back and Jumper partially protected her with her wings. Fern craned her neck to see around them. The bigger dragon was a dull-looking beast. It was mottled brown and tans, with a chocolate-colored belly. It had an array of horns on its head, all a good foot long and razor sharp.

The wild dragon approached slowly through the rain. Fern’s heart was going to burst, she was sure, and her whole body ached dully. The dragon reared back its head and Fern ducked behind Jumper’s wings. The blast of heat was still felt, but mostly absorbed by Jumper’s rich, green body. It lasted for a good ten seconds before stopping.

Fern remembered Jasper’s words. “A dragon has to use strength to breath fire, so the longer she is out flying, the less she can breathe.” This dragon must’ve been flying for a while to get to where Jumper and Fern had been practicing, she thought, and he has already shot a lot of fire.

She stood out from Jumper’s wing and yelled: “Fire!”

Jumper obeyed, sending a blast of fir at the dragon. It turned its head, letting its hard scales absorb the intense heat. Fern saw the action and quickly mounted Jumper, ignoring the fact that the saddle was very warm, yelling: “Fire!” again and again. As she did so she nudged Jumper forward. The wild dragon started to back up, unable to stand the heat blasts over and over.

Fern pulled up on the reins and Jumper was flying before the wild dragon could react. Fern made a tight circle and then came straight at the dragon. She wasn’t sure with the commands for the other dragon attacks were, but she decided to try: “Grab!” as they swooped over the wild beast. To her surprise, but joy, Jumper extended her large talons and gripped the dragon by its back, plunging the sharp talons as hard as it could. Fern could hear, rather than see that some of the scales broke.

The wild dragon twisted its head upwards, and Fern could only guess that it was about to shoot fire. “Release! Drop! Throw!” she shouted all at once, not sure which one, if any of the commands, would work.

But Jumper did let go of the dragon. Caught by surprise it did not shoot fire. Fern breathed a sigh of relief and pushed Jumper down. Jumper fired again. As they sailed straight for the river, Jumper kept shooting, letting out her loud roar. The wild dragon spun around out of control. Finally, just as they were about to hit the river, Jumper pulled up, firing one last fire blast at the beast.

It hit the flailing dragon in the belly, the only spot that was very vulnerable to fire, and it burst into flames. Fern pulled Jumper away, focused on getting home as fast as possible. She pushed Jumper higher and higher into the clouds, hoping that it would be tougher for the other wild dragons to find them.

Then, as they came out of a cloud, they were suddenly over Revaltree. Jumper descended and they finally reached the walls of the castle, within sight of the stables. The guards on the wall rushed forward, helping Fern off the saddle. She turned to look back towards where she had last seen Jasper. There was no Jasper or Crimson Flame to be seen.

She dropped to her knees sobbing, soaked in sweat and rain, sore, tired, aching inside and out. She let out a pitiful:”No,” and then collapsed.

Comments & reviews · 3
User avatar
r4p17
Review
r4p17 wrote a review Review · Jun 5, 2014

Squire r4 here for review!!!

So let's get through the nitpicks first. "Fern nodded and swung Jumper back around, who was rumbling in her throat." I think you should change this to "Jumper let out a rumble as Fern swung Jumper around." "Crimson Flame pulled up alongside." this should be, "pulled up alongside Fern and Jumper." "Fern screamed as they spiraled downward." You just stated that they were spiraling downward in the first sentence. You should shorten this to "Fern screamed. "The looming dragon fired a wave of fire..." You used the word fire twice. It would flow better if you put, "The looming dragon belched forth a wave of fire."

Overall I think you did a good job. I loved all the action! You did a pretty good job of mixing up the length of sentences and giving the action some choppiness to it. You didn't make the chapter too long or too short either. I really look forward to reading more of this story. I must say that for being a side story you are doing a pretty good job! To me this story is more interesting and engaging than Castor's tale though of course that is just my opinion. Happy writing! :D

User avatar
Milanimo
Review
Milanimo wrote a review Review · May 25, 2014

Hello!

"Fern glanced to Jasper, frightened. Her heart was pumping fast with fear."
You mention fear too many times in these two sentences. To be honest, you don't even need to say "frightened" or "with fear". You can use the beauty of "show don't tell" and simply have her heart beating fast. Readers connote with fast heartbeats and fear. They know your character is scared just from the action.

"It seemed to come to the left and above." This is a bit too specific for me. Try saying "all around". Being specific about the rain doesn't do anymore description than saying "all around".

"then wild dragon chomped on air." You need a "the" after "then".


I can't really find anymore specifics. My biggest qualm is when you add "in terror" or "in fear" at the end of actions. You have the "show don't tell" technique down, but adding the "in terror" and "in fear" really just makes it incomplete. By the actions and dialogue of a character, readers can already tell that the scream or gripping on someone is in fear. You don't need to tell them. Part of the "show don't tell" technique is not telling the reader everything, and letting them understand what is going on by a simple move or emotion. There's no need to be so specific. It'll be less of a headache for you.

That's all I have! Awesome job!

thanks for those nitpicks! I'll definitely hop on them when I edit!

~Messenger

User avatar
Snowery
Review
Snowery wrote a review Review · May 25, 2014

Hey Mess! I'm back again to review another chapter! :)

Main Points

It drove what little air was in Fern’s wings


Fern has wings? Awesome!

Fern nearly lost her hold on the reins.... They lost flying rhythm and plunged downwards.


I feel that if she's let go of the reigns and they're plunging downwards, chances are that she might fall off or away form Jumper?

something hard but that gave way.


This is slightly vague.

Ok, reading further I realise you mean some sort of body of water. I still think it's a little vague, but it makes sense.

but she decided to try: “Grab!”


So has Jumper been trained already by someone else? Was this training session to train Fern or the dragon? I'm kind of confused.

*Gasp* No, Jasper! You better not kill off Jasper Mess! *wags finger vigorously* Love the ending for this chapter, it was very intense. I actually liked the entire chapter a lot because of all the action. So, very cute story, especially if aimed at younger readers then it's actually quite adorable. I'm still curious about what the greater plot here is, maybe something to do with saving Jasper? I don't know, it could really be anything but I am curious to see what. I would like to see this going somewhere soon.

I feel that I should mention your descriptive skills again. Throughout the chapter I had no problems visualising what was going on and imagining the fight seen with the pouring rain all around them. One thing I would like to see further along the road though is a little more character development with Fern, Apart from that though, great job! Keep it up and happy writing! :) :)

Silverlock

hi Silver, thanks for the review! Hehehe, Fern does NOT have wings. I don't know why I wrote that ?_? Also, (referring to previous review) Jumper is a she. I just messed up. Glad you enjoyed it! Hehehe Jasper
You wanted something darker lol

~Messenger

You read my mind Mess :)



Russets and tangerine shades of old gold flushing the very outside edge of the senses ... deep shining ochres, burnt umber and parchments of baked earth—reflecting on itself and through itself, filtering the light.
— Guildenstern (Rosencrantz & Guildenstern Are Dead by Tom Stoppard)