Young Writers Society

Hi, J.C. here for a review!

I must say, this poem was very sweet, and I have one heck of a sweet tooth when it comes to writing, and chocolate. Needless to say, I liked it very much.

I just had to wonder as she passed

Just what kind of person she was

What she would do

Were she in my shoes

Or what I would do in hers

.

It struck me like lightning as she passed

The thing she searched for held meaning

Because when her umbrella

Abandoned her there

She took a deep breath and searched on

I watched from my shelter as she passed

And realized what I failed to see

She bent over

To pick it up

A pretty gold engagement ring

This was very good, and carried a rather nice little message. Especially in that last line. However, there were a couple of things you can improve on.

In the second line of the first stanza, instead of "frizzed", I think "frizzled" would be a better word. It makes the line run by smoother.
Also, it would make the poem better by telling where exactly the narrator was situated as the woman passed them. We know they were drinking coffee, but that doesn't set up much of a setting. (I'm sorry, that sounded a little mean.)

And the last line in the fourth stanza did not rhyme, which upset the poem's rhythm a little.

Other than that, this was a very nice poem. With a couple of tweaks, it would be awesome! I liked it.

Hey, Weymouth here to review this because I am insanely bored at school :')

I think most of it was really good, it has a nice feel to it, but maybe you could have clarified as to where the speaker is situated as the person passes by, as I was slightly confused until the last few stanzas.

In the stanza before the penultimate stanza, I wasn't completely sure what was going on, you just seemed to have a random deep moment there, you haven't shown us what situation either person is in, you've more like skipped around the whole subject and left us guessing.

The end was good I thought, slightly abrupt but kind of sweet in a way. I think that with a little editing this could be a really great piece of work. Keep it up!

Very nice, but there are a couple of snags methinks. Firstly, the rhythm in the last verse is a little off. The second last line sounds wrong, as if it were missing a syllable. And the last line seems to be a little too long.
Also the punctuation: punctuation aids rhythm and makes difficult bits less confusing.
I think though that the narrator you have chosen is rather nice, the obvious choice would be the woman, but to keep that suspenseful it would probably sound like Gollum.
Hope this helps,
Take That You Fiend!

Hey, Cesare Borgia, here for a review,

This was a very good poem, and I really liked it, but their are a couple of nitpicks.

I was sipping my coffee as she passed

Her hair frizzed up from the rain

Her face was frantic

Her voice was cracked

She was searching for something in vain

The wind started howling as she passed

Pushing her frail figure that way

Her umbrella upturned

And then, wayward bound

She watched as it flew away

I loved the poem, but it was a bit hard to understand. Where did the engagement ring come from? Who proposed? What was happening? Other than that it was good, all there was were a few spelling mistakes, bu it was amazing.

Hey! This is a good poem, flows nicely. You captured the moment well.

This may be just my preference, but I would replace 'when she passed' with 'as she passed' everywhere you repeat it considering you are talking about two simultaneous actions.
I found some grammar mistakes. I might be wrong, but isn't 'frizzled hair' the term? And you misspelled lightning and 'what she would do were she in my shoes'.

All in all, I don't dare to comment a lot on poetry because it's not my specialty, but I would say that, other than the grammar, you don't really have to change anything.

Cheers!