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Blind - Chapter 14

by WillowPaw1


The hot California breeze whipped across my face. The temperature was so much more different here than in Iowa. Not saying Iowa isn't hot, but it was just a so much more different kind of hot. I think it had to do with the fact that California was near the Pacific Ocean.

We rented a hotel really close to Disneyland. It was about 9:00 p.m., and I was laying on the hotel bed. It was much taller than my normal bed. I was sleeping with Sheila, who was snoring very quietly next to me.

I missed Mousse. My feet were freezing because I was so used to his large, furry, warm body on top of them. He wasn't here, though.

Our neighbor, Mrs. Greene, volunteered to take care of Mousse and the family dog for us while we were gone, which would be one week. I hoped he was all right. He was probably missing me as well though, whining and whimpering and wagging his chocolate tail. I blinked twice to try and keep the tears from falling out, and started biting my lip.

He'll be fine, perfectly fine, was the thought that nagged my head as I slowly drifted off into a sleep.

When I woke up, someone was shaking me. For a second I thought it was Jason, and I was about to yell when Sheila said, "It's me, Ember." Then she laughed.

I frowned, puzzled at her sudden reaction.

"We're actually in California! And we're going to Disneyland!" she squealed. I still didn't understand much why she was that enthusiastic. I mean, there was rides and all, but still.

"Get your clothes on, Ember. Your suitcase is right next to the bed."

I nodded in thanks, and got up. Mother was still sleeping in the other bed, or at least I think she was. Jason and Father had their own room, which was adjacent to ours.

I crouched down where my suitcase was and began fumbling around. Quickly rummaging through my clothes, I got shorts, a t-shirt, and underwear. I waited for Sheila to get out of the bathroom, and when I heard the door squeak I knew she was out.

-

My heart was beating so fast I could feel the small pulse in my fingertips. Screaming and laughing filled my ears, and the brushing of people on my shoulders made shivers run up my spine. I was holding Sheila and Father's hand, squeezing hard to Sheila's. I knew right when we came to Disneyland that I would hate it. I wish I could have just stayed at home with Mrs. Greene.

"Pirates of the Caribbean. Please?" Jason begged.

I heard Mother cough. "Jason, we told you. No rides the first four days we're here."

"That's not fair," Jason muttered behind me, but only my ears picked it up.

Sheila asked, "Mom, can I go on that ride?" I had no idea what she was talking about, but she was probably pointing.

"Sheila... Not alone. That's a rollercoaster for goodness sake..." Mother was obviously nervous. I knew what Sheila was going to reply, though.

"Mother!" Sheila was angry, and she didn't say what I thought she was going to say. I expected her to say something along the lines of "I'm old enough!" but she was just angry.

Mother and Father never really took us places. Mainly because I was blind, but they always said we didn't have enough money. And now here we are in Disneyland, and Mother won't let Sheila go on a ride.

"Please! This is only my second time in an amusement park. Mother, please!" Sheila was begging, and I wasn't holding her hand anymore. Jason was still standing behind me, and I heard him snort.

Mother gave an exasperated sigh. "I'm going with you, though."

Sheila gave a huff of disappointment, but she was probably glad she could at least go on a ride.

In a matter of minutes, Sheila and my mother were off to the line in the mysterious ride Sheila wanted to go on.

"What ride was it?" I asked Father. I'm not holding Sheila's hand anymore, but I'm holding Father's.

"I don't know the name... Some rollercoaster? Spectacular Mountain?" Father said, confused himself.

"Space Mountain?" Jason suggested, probably knowing it all along.

"Ah, yes, that's it," Father replied.

I waited in silence, until Father spoke up. "Ember, would you like to go on a ride?"

The question hit me and spun in my head. The truth was, no, I didn't want to go on any ride. But for some reason, my mouth blurted out, "Yes."

Father led Jason and I to a ride called the Spinning Teacups. He said it was a very calm ride and I should be fine. Father bought two tickets, one for me and one for him. Jason had to wait by the exit.

I gripped Father's hand as we walked, and then we sat down on a circular bench. After we got in, Father told me we were sitting in a teacup, and it was going to start spinning. I nodded, and when the ride started, I was freaked.

The individual teacups themselves were spinning, then they were also going in a circle. My head hurt, and so did my stomach. When Father and I got out, I threw-up in a small planter bed.

That's when I told Father I wasn't going on anymore rides in my life.


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73 Reviews


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Sun May 11, 2014 5:39 pm
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Zontafer wrote a review...



Hey there! Zontafer here for a short review ^^

Nitpicks
Iggy covered the most of it, so this will be a short one.

My feet were freezing because I was so used to his large, furry, warm body on top of my feet.

You used my feet twice here. I'd suggest writing 'on top of them.'.

I ask Father

Present tense. Ask > asked.

Everything else
As usual, a nice chapter with a smooth flow!
I find it strange that I never get bored at all when reading your chapters. xD I mean, like never.

Your sentence structure is getting better as well, I seldom see sentences starting with the same words now!

The only thing I'd like more of is the teacup ride. I think it all went a little fast, and you could definitely add a little more description there.

Keep up the good work! ^.^

- Zontafer




WillowPaw1 says...


Thanks! I'll go chane those right away. :)



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Sun Apr 27, 2014 12:24 am
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Noelle wrote a review...



Hi there!

This is a nice chapter; a nice little scene about the family going to Disneyland. Now, I've been to Disney World before, but never Disneyland. In Disney World you don't have to pay for tickets for individual rides. That's just a small thing, but I thought I would point it out.

One thing I'd like to say about this though is that it seems like the family is the only people in the park. Where are all the people running into them? Surely someone would run into Ember, someone she wouldn't be able to see. You know what I'm saying? Amusement parks are always crowded. I'd like to read some description about the noise and maybe the food that Ember is squishing with her foot, not able to avoid it.

I feel so bad for Ember! It's her first time going on any rides and she gets sick on it :( Maybe if her dad had taken her on a more smooth ride she'd be able to go on more. She wouldn't have gotten sick and she would've been fine with going on other rides.

I can't wait to see where this story goes! Let me know when the next chapter is out :)

Keep writing!
**Noelle**




WillowPaw1 says...


I will! Thank you! Happy Review day :)



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Sat Apr 26, 2014 3:49 am
Iggy wrote a review...



Hey Willow. ^^

The temperature was so much more different than here than in Iowa.


Cut the indicated word.

We had rented a hotel really close to Disneyland.


Same here.

It was about 9:00 p.m. at night,


Since you included p.m., there's no need to also include "night" because we can already tell this is at night with the p.m. Also, 9:00 is really precise... consider this: "It was about nine p.m.[...]"

and I was laying in the hotel bed.


Laying on* not in.

whining and wimpering


Whimpering*

I nod in thanks,


Nodded*

and get up.


Got* Careful with your tenses, there.

Mother was still sleeping in the other bed, or at least I think she was.


Add in the bolded word.

and began fumbling around. Quickly rummaging around


I don't like the repetition of "around". Revise.

I waited for Sheila to get out of the bathroom, and when I heard the door squeak I knew she was out.

My heart was beating so fast I could feel the small pulse in my fingertips. Screaming and laughing filled my ears, and the brushing of people on my shoulders made shivers run up my spine.


Okay, what happened here? Time jump? If so, state that. Use a page break to indicate a time jump. Otherwise, it looks like a big chunk of your story was ripped away. There's no transition. It's confusing.

That's when I told Father I wasn't going on anymore rides in my lifetime.


Add the bolded for a smoother flow.


Okay so! I enjoyed this chapter. ^^ I felt it had a nice little story going, with Ember hating rides and her sister whining about wanting to go on the big rides, and her brother's grounding preventing him from going on the rides for a few days. I'm still a bit sad that he never confessed to trying to push her down the stairs or apologize to her, but whatever floats his goat I guess. Jerk.

This looks good so far. I can't wait to see more. ^^

Hope this helps.

~Iggy




WillowPaw1 says...


Thank you so much! I'll go fix those...




When your heart gets pierced with arrows, don't rip them out and pierce those around you in retribution for your hurt. You'll only unnecessarily wound others and bleed to death yourself.
— LadyMysterio