z

Young Writers Society


E - Everyone

Blind - Chapter 13

by WillowPaw1


Mother and Father said I couldn't bring Mousse with me to Disneyland. They gave me two reasons. 1) It was too expensive, and 2) He would be stuck in the belly of the plane. The last thought made shivers run down my spine, so I didn't complain about not bringing Mousse, but inside, my heart ached from missing him.

We were on the plane now, and it was about to take off. Sheila and Mother were sitting next to me. I was in the middle seat, Sheila on the window seat, and Mother on the aisle seat. Jason and Father were sitting either behind us, in front of us, or across from us. I didn't know and didn't ask.

"How long will the plane ride take?" I asked, but to no one in particular. I just wanted an answer.

"About three hours," came Mother's reply. I groaned and set my head back on my chair.

Suddenly, the plane lurched backwards and the engine roared. I quickly fumbled around for Sheila's hand and when I found it I squeezed it tightly. She squeezed mine back.

"It's okay, Ember," she said, and I bought that lie, because a moment later the airplane was driving fast.

"Ow," Sheila said.

"What?" I replied, trying to get my mind off of the horrendous ride.

"Nevermind," Sheila said dismissively.

I waited for the plane to start flying. I wonder if it would feel scary, or maybe even good. I hope it didn't feel scary.

"We're taking off," Mother said to me, and she was right. The plane started going up, and it made my stomach flip like it sometimes does if I'm going in a car.

I was going to scream, but remembered all these people were here, so I kept it in. I didn't need all the attention, and the gasping and people saying, "She's blind! Poor thing!"

I managed to calm myself down by resting my head on the very cushion-y seat. It hurt my back, but it was good enough. If I could just fall asleep, I may not feel anymore flips in my stomach.

Eventually, I did fall asleep and when I woke up, we were in the air. At least, I was almost 100% sure. It was much calmer than when we were taking off. And we were floating! I told Sheila that we were actually floating, and she just laughed.

After that, I rested on her shoulder to try to go back to sleep. Sleeping was a great way to kill time.

I woke up again with the plane's engine screaming in my ears. My head bolted up, and Sheila said, "Ember, we just landed. The plane is slowing down, now."

My heart leapt, and I felt free. I just needed to survive this loud noise. I don't think it was as loud in other people's ears. Just mine. I was blind, so it made my hearing stronger.

After a minute or two, the plane finally came to a stop.

"Can we get out, now?" I asked, ready to get out of this horrible machine.

I heard a quiet chuckle from Mother and I knew we couldn't, not yet. "Why can't we?" I asked angrily. I wanted to get out. Now. I really didn't feel safe in it.

"California," Sheila let out and long sigh.

What I was thinking right now: At least the airplane didn't crash.


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Sun Apr 27, 2014 12:17 am
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Noelle wrote a review...



Hi there!

Ugh. I really have to be more patient don't I? It seems like everything I've "complained" about in the earlier chapter resolves itself in the next chapter.

I absolutely loved this chapter. It's a great speed, not too fast and not too slow. You create a nice time jump in the middle there with Ember falling asleep. I think that's well placed because there isn't much that she can do on a plane, being blind and all. So having the plane ride fly by (I made a pun! xD ) was a good idea.

You did a great job describing the actual plane ride as well. I found myself relating to it perfectly as I was reading. I'm guessing that Ember had never been on a plane before. She seemed quite scared and uncomfortable on the plane. I am terrified of flying and I feel the same way that Ember did on that plane ride every plane ride.

Onto the next chapter!

Keep writing!
**Noelle**




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Sat Apr 19, 2014 10:52 pm
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Iggy wrote a review...



Hey Willow ^^

Have you ever made it really clear where they live? I'm so out of touch with the real world, so the only Disneylands I know of are in Anaheim, CA. and Orlando, FL. I'm assuming that they live on the West Coast, if they're going to the one in California? >_>

I really liked this chapter! Your writing is improving. This chapter flowed with ease, a lot smoother and better than, say, your first one. I like that you're defining Ember's personality more and more with each chapter.

I like how Ember narrated the plane ride. Since she can't see, I assumed that all she would do is sleep and you didn't prove me wrong. I like how nervous flying made her feel and how scared and frightened she felt. I also adored the tidbit about her not wanting to make a scene because she's tired of the "Oh, she's blind! Poor thing!" comments.

Overall, this is getting good, and I look froward to seeing how she will handle the big roller coaster rides and how she will narrate her feelings on them. ^^

~Iggy




WillowPaw1 says...


Thank you! :)



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Fri Apr 18, 2014 8:55 pm
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Em101cats wrote a review...



Hey Willow, Em101cats has officially walked into the imaginary door leading to the review room!!! Don't ask, I had way too much sugar today.


Okay. First thing I wanna say. This. Is. Cool! I haven't been on a plane in a long time, and feeling it from a blind person's perspective made it even cooler than it normally is to ride a plane. Great describing words when you tell how Ember feels during the plane's take-off and landing, by the way! It made it feel really realistic.


One of the only problems I have with this is this: You don't explain any of the plane ride. Only the take-off and landing are described because she falls asleep. Now, it isn't a biggie, the chapter is still great. But it seems more to me like a mini-chapter where not much happens. Since it is also a short chapter, you COULD add in some bits and pieces of her waking up sometimes and feeling strange because the plane is flying. You don't have to change it if you don't want to, because maybe it's just my opinion. You wrote the story, it's your job to tell it. So you don't need to change that, it definitely is not an error or problem, it's my opinion and mine only ;)

Other than that I saw no grammatical or spelling errors. If I missed one, sorry! But I don't think I saw any. You are getting really really good at having perfect spelling!

Great job, keep it up! Can't wait for more!
~Em101cats~ (Who is very hyper right now.)




WillowPaw1 says...


Thanks! I was on my computer this time so that may be why (about everything ;P)
I can go add in some bits right now. Thanks for reviewing!!



Em101cats says...


No prob! :D




Properly trained, a man can be dog's best friend.
— Corey Ford