Young Writers Society

Hello!
I haven't seen to many acrostic poems on here, so it was nice to see a change.
I think this has great potential, but I don't think you pulled it off fully. I understand that "claustrophobic" has a lot of letters that you had to fill, but I didn't really like the way you filled some of them. I felt like you started off strong, completely focused on the claustrophobia, but then you went into madness, and it just fell short for me. I usually don't like poems that deal with madness, because usually the poet has never dealt with real insanity, so the poems just feel fake to me. Maybe you have dealt with it, and in that case I take this back, but I don't like the craziness you put in here. It felt too.. happy and silly for the tone you set up in the first line.
I'm not quite sure what to suggest you fill the extra letters with, but I'm sure you can think of something.
I think it was just the takeout and the barbeque. It didn't have the dark tone that you started off with. If you want this to be a silly poem, start off with something silly!

The rest of this is just grammar nit-picks.

This is called a Acrostic Poem.

I want to go!.

Usually closed spaces scare me, but I have been locked in here for an hour.

If I find out this happened to someone else, I will go mad!

Hey! I think this is the poem you wanted me to read. Even if it isn't, I'm glad I found it! This is really interesting read and provokes a lot of emotions, which is a really good thing.

I have a few suggestions and comments, so here they are. First off I was wondering if you have a reason for the long lines? I think it's fine to experiment with the formatting and go against the norm, but I couldn't quite see why you chose to have so many long lines.

I think some of them fit really nicely, but there are some places where I think that it would fit nicely to have a line break at the same place where the speaker's thought changes. So maybe add a break after she smells the barbeque before you add the help me part.

Also, I would love some more detail when she does finally open the door. She should be more relieved to be out of the closet, maybe take a deep breath because now she finally feels more free or something? And would she really switch that easily to just want to eat the barbeque? It seems like an experience like that would have a bit of a lasting trauma, and it seems like she would be more upset with her father, or if she isn't then there should be some more reasoning behind why she isn't.

Anyway, I'm not sure if that all made sense, but I hope it did help at least some. Let me know if you have any questions or comments. Keep Writing!

HI, GreenTulip here to give you a review.

1. I love how you set up this poem. It's message is clear and precise and it would have been lost in a normal formatted poem.

2. In your author's note you state:

Disclaimer: This is Raven, I do not condone shoving please into closets, in hope that it will cure their Claustrophobia.

I really enjoyed this poem. I think that the form of it was very unique, and I didn't recognize the style from anywhere before (which is a very good thing). This piece felt very mental and I think that the way that this was written is almost like a rant going on through the mind. It's someone talking to him/herself in a manic way. The thoughts are cycling - running a marathon - and it really makes the reader go insane reading through it. And that....

Is the best part.

The reader goes on a journey with you throughout this poem, following you down the rabbit hole without second thought or any chance of escape because you reel them in with your mental-rant voice throughout this. It's because from the beginning, you can tell that it's not a normal poetry form, nor a normal poem.

Good job, dear. Keep writing. I look forward to seeing more of this form from you. It's very intriguing.