Young Writers Society

Hi, GreenTulip here to give you a review. It's Review Day but I am also here to give you a review for Poetry Exchange.

I know that many people are pushing for us all to use the "Review Sandwich" but I don't roll that way because I am already somewhere, where I am forced to comply by a certain writing style. I can't do it in a review- which I know I can let my feedback come out in a way that I know will be true. So this is just me and my random style.

So I couldn't even read the poem. Nothing caught my attention, besides the title. That doesn't mean it's not good. I think that you just have a different style- one that I am not comfortable with reading. With a college level English class while being in high school has made me more unwilling to read, but that has nothing to do with this, not that I think about it. It's just out of the norm for me to read. Don't take it as your poem is bad.

I see that I one thing that I am confused on...and I can point it out here.

...What does the tree mean?
Oh, the tree is merely a tree.

I get to review another mag! Anyway, ZLYF here for Review Day and Poetry Exchange!
I really like your choice of topic, the use of a different looking glass to view the world. I think that’s really refreshing.
If I had to pick a line I don’t like from this poem, I would pick :
“Maybe once
a tree could be a tree
and roots could be roots
and bark bark
and leaves leaves,”
I quote the entire section because I want to point out that the first line doesn’t really flow with the rest. Perhaps “Maybe for once” would convey things better.
I really like the following line: “No! Blackberries are words
painstakingly picked or smashed on a page.” Well, that was two lines, but then they go together. I think these lines really have a powerful image to it.
For structural change I would pick this verse:
“However, one quickly thinks
of roads
that are actually
choices
unless one’s willing to try really hard
and make roads about
sex
And the bonzai tree is about
children
though you swore it was about
women
though not the way peaches are about
women.”
I would beg for a more substantial odd-line syllabus count, or at least character count. This make my eyes google in my sockets.

This really brings back memories of trying to argue people into looking at things from a different perspective, and of course also all the failures that came along with it. I think however, you can improve this by adding the reaction of those who read the opinion of the MC and the subsequent response, I think that makes for a much more intriguing poem.

Keep writing!!

Peggy from the Poetry Exchange!


Do excuse the late review, I have a very busy life XD.


I liked this poem! And I agree with the middle school boys thing, (ugh lol)

So, I really liked this poem!

My favorite lines were,

Apple picking isn’t about breasts
but becoming old...
perhaps.

Maybe once
a tree could be a tree
and roots could be roots
and bark bark
and leaves leaves,
taking from a sun that is just a sun
in a sky that is just a sky

Maybe once
a tree could be a tree
and roots could be roots
and bark ; bark
and leaves ; leaves,
taking from a sun that is just a sun
in a sky that is just a sky

I actually really really liked that poem. Thank you.
I smiled through the whole thing and it had me thinking, are things really the way they are? Anyways, the first stanza had me chuckling at,
"It seems at times
that poets are actually
middle school boys
where every joke is about
(unless it isn’t)
sex."
It's true isn't it?
I don't really know what criticism to give. It's not perfect i know that, but what could you improve? oh. Choose whether you want to have a full-stop at the end of each sentence or not. And how come you chose to have one word lines?

Anyways, this was a very fascinating poem, i enjoyed it very much so.

This is a fascinating poem! I like how you're reaching out to find abstract, bizarre random things and putting them into a more concrete context.

But, there are a few things about this that I feel like could be much better. For one thing, the lines don't mesh well with each other. I feel like this isn't quite flow-y enough to be a poem, in fact, it's really choppy. The lines just don't sound smooth when read together, and that's really important for a poem.

There are a few other things, too, mainly just things that I feel could be rephrased.

Now for the things I really liked.

"Maybe once
a tree could be a tree
and roots could be roots
and bark bark
and leaves leaves,
taking from a sun that is just a sun
in a sky that is just a sky"

That entire verse is really nice! After all the abstract stuff, it's cool to see the idea that everything is just normal mixed in, before going back to the abstract. It's almost a refresher for the mind, without being a distraction. Great verse!

Keep up the good work! I'd love to see more of your poetry in the future!

Toboldlygo

I’ve been playing with allusions recently. There are a ton in here. Check out The Love Song of J. Alfred Prufrock by T.S. Eliot, The Road Not Taken by Robert Frost, A Work of Artifice by Marge Peircy, Blackberry Eating by Galway Kinnell, and After Apple Picking by Robert Frost if you want to just read some fantastic poetry or see if my poem actually makes sense.