Young Writers Society

Hello, hello, hello!
So I know it's just something you thought of on the fly but it's pretty interesting. I shall try to review it and give you suggestions!

Goodness gracious me-Comma here.

I think my mind is blown-Exclamation point here.

I can't believe that I

Scraped my thumb on my trombone-You should have an exclamation point here too. I also think that these two lines would sound better if you broke it up into 3 lines. First line:"I can't believe," Second line:"I scraped my thumb," Third line:"On my trombone!"

I don't think I've ever read a poem which was about music, or even a poem which combined music and humour.

I love short poems. It always amazes me that some people can create powerful images or feelings with just a few short lines.

You didn't do this. Which actually I liked. You didn't have a deep meaningful poem. In a way I feel like this was actually a joke (not in a bad way).

It was funny and I didn't really know how the poem would end. When it did you managed to get a giggle from me.

Hey, Wolf here to review as a return favor for drawing Karisha (which, by the way, is pretty amazing).

First off, let me say that I did find this rather amusing. I have never done something like this, but I am in a jazz band (on flute) and it wouldn't surprise me at all if one of our brass players where to hurt himself with his instrument.

I do believe that this poem would've benefited from a little more. Give it a little set-up. Mention something about being in jazz band, so that the title isn't the only place we can learn that. Maybe tell us a little about the other kids in jazz. And then afterwards their reaction.
I think setting the scene a little better would make this a little more humorous. I know that I've done some pretty hilarious things in band, but none of them are very funny out of context.

I think you had a really nice flow, but for the last line which was a little long. I believe that maybe if the second line was also a little long it would create that laid-back feeling one gets while listening to jazz. Which could be beneficial to this poem. But with just the last line being long it just feels a little out of place. So either lengthen the second line, or shorten the last.

Well, I don't really know what else to say. This was a wonderful piece, I enjoyed reading it. Great job, keep writing!
~WW

Well, I guess I owe you a little something for all of the kindness you've sent my way, so I'll begin by saying this; this is great. Seriously. After commenting on three or four things that ranged from "waiting for your awesome love" to all out "the world sucks", I needed something like this. Like the others say, it is a bit short, but I think that that kinda adds to the build up. It kind of reminds me of those great poems from books by Jules Verne was it? You know, "Falling Up" and all of those. Great work, keep it up, and have a great day.

-Scoeri

I liked this. I was also slightly disappointed by the length, but it was a nice laugh. I do have several thoughts on this however which I will list below.
1. Only a band kid rhymes "blown" with "trombone".
2. Only a band kid would have their mind blown by scraping their thumb on their trombone.
3. Band kids rule.

So there. This poem made me smile. Good job, and I hope you add on to it in the future. Keep Writing, and I look forward to seeing more of your works on YWS.

-Gravity

Hi there! Magpie here to review!

Here's my honest opinion. It's filled with good intentions.

I was hooked by the title. I love jazz bands, and there are so many times in band that I have gone through hilarious experiences. I couldn't wait to read this poem.

I was a little disappointed.

The poem is only four lines, and I don't know if this is so much a humorous story as it is kind of normal. I've definitely gotten injuries from trombones (admittedly, I wasn't the one wielding the trombone, and the fault lay with the writer of the drill chart rather than the trombonist (is that the word?)), and many instruments besides trombones.

Furthermore, the poem only has content in three lines out of four. "Goodness gracious me" has nothing much to do with the rest of the poem. In a short poem, make sure you have content in every line.

I think you should expand on this idea. Make the poem longer. Build up to the climax (which you could (and should) embellish). I also suggest you incorporate musical terms to connect this piece even more with music. Caesuras, crescendos, fermatas, bass clefs, and fortes belong in this poem. Make the music happen.

I like that you are trying to put an experience in band into poetry. I can't wait to see this when it's a little more complete.

I hope that this review proves helpful to you. Happy writing!