Sadness

I'm lovin' it.

Hello again Magenta! Sis is back to review something different for you! Alright, so this is a really sad concept, yet a beautifully written poem! I'm gonna start with a few nitpicks and cons for ya, okay?

1. Some lines are two long and have too many syllables in them, messing up the flow. For example:
Deep into my past that lurked within the shadowy depths of my mind.
This line didn't seem to fit in with the first line. The rhyming was there, yes, but there was just to many syllables. As you read through the poem, you can see other places where this was an issue.
2. This kinda goes along with number one, but is line specific. In the line:
Never had I heard such loud silence before, pounding within my ears.
The "pounding within my ears" part seems thrown in there and unnecessary. It also ruins the flow that was going and makes the line WAY to long.

Now the pros!
1. Even though this poem was really sad, it got the meaning across. The sadness in it made it more emotional, more real and easier to read and comprehend. This was a beautiful way to pull off something so sad. XD
2. Imagery. You might not think there was any, but trust me. There was imagery in this, and it is beautiful!!!!!!
3. Rhyming. You kept a steady flow of rhyming in this, which also helps when you read it! Great job!

Alright, so this is amazing, and I encourage you to keep writing and smiling!!
-Sis

Hey there magneta. This is such a beautiful poem. Each and every line in this poem is well thought and written beautifully. It might look like a simple poem but I think there is a lot of meaning to it.

My favourite lines in this poem were-
If it were too difficult to look in front
To follow my friend or companion
If it were too hard to look behind
To lead a group in such a way.

I just thought they were beautiful lines.
But as I kept reading the lines

Instead I should have looked beside
To discover my loyal friend.

That was such a touching lines. It was just amazing. I think these two lines just add to the beauty of the poem. On the whole it was such a good poem and I was really happy I could read this. This poem just reflects your talent and thoughtfulness and I really hope to read many more of you amazing works.

Wow, this is a great poem. I don't always like things (as in push the like button,) mostly because I'm sarcastic, critical of everything, and a hard A, but this is great, so I salute with the thumbs up.

The poem is short, but very striking. You're not revealing any grand information, or causing the reader to stop and attempt to understand the deep meanings behind what you've written, but just because it's easy to understand, doesn't mean it's easy to grasp. The reason you wrote it is probably for that exact reason.

"If it were too hard to look behind,

To lead a group in such a way"

This part spoke to me, which I always like, because I'm constantly put into leadership positions simply because everybody thinks I know more, but I'm not a leader, and I hate trying to be one. The next few lines really, really surprised me, though,

"The only other option to save my beating heart,

Would be to look neither way.

Instead I should have looked beside

To discover my loyal friend."

What an insight! Something that you "have always known because it's like, duh..." but you never actually stop to think about it. but you did, and this part really makes the poem worth it.

Deep, moving, and quite beautiful.

Thank you magenta!