16+

Anime in our world WHAT?!?! -New places uncovered

Warning: This work has been rated 16+.

PreviousNext

“All of them died because of me, My brother ordered them to kill me and in turn out of my own self defense I killed them all. Why would he send them to their demise.” I whispered falling asleep.

When I awoke Kakashi, was cat napping he was still holding onto me. Slipping out of his grip very carefully, sitting back down on the grass, looking into the blue sky wondering why, had fate had been so cruel to me. All I had to be thankful for was that, I wasn’t the only one left of my kind. Some how my closest friends were linked to everything. I hand not quite figured it out yet. Glancing back over at Kakashi I picked up a stick to poke him. He caught the stick before it could touch his side. His eye looked questioningly at mine.

“Kakashi?, can you do me a favor?” I asked.

“Sure what would that be?” He questioned quick with a yaw

“Will you look for something for me when you get back into the ninja world?”

“Alright and what would it be? and where would I look for it?” he said raising a brow.

“I'm pretty sure that the mountain pass is north of the village, and I know I locked it underneath a seal, with what I called Lighting snake. If you unlock it could you remember to reseal it later. I need you to go in and look for the tallest tower, like building built into the mountain’s inside there should be a really thick book. On the front of it should have a special seal on the top. The middle should read 'Heritage' and their should be a silver key beside it, with a three headed dragon on the key’s top half. I don't know if the elders room is booby trapped or not though. Now that I think about it.” I paused thinking.

He laughed a little as he helps me get up off the ground. We both patted our pants down getting the dirt off. Looking at the moon still high in the sky noting that it was indeed midnight. I inhaled a deep breath thinking as a whisk of lighting danced at my fingertips. Kakashi and I watched as one gray eye took over.

My finger danced across the surface of a tree carving into it the same exact seal as the one I closed the Clan up with. She made me moved back and forth between two trees. After that she made a chakra net like web. She made flames eat at the center of the web making a transparent film around the edges. Susi walked up surprised that I had opened my first portal.

“Well, it looks like your Kekkei genkai still remembers all the justus you learned underneath the elders. Which is surprising that you'll have a long process mentally to regain all of them.” he frowned. “And by the look of it you opened a portal directly to you birth place.” But then he smiled

I looked at him surprised just as much as Kakashi was. He shoved us both through it, before, we could even say anything. As we fell in the air my wings unfolded again all by instinct, I grabbed Kakashi while we were hurtling closer to the jagged rocky bottom. I flapped them so hard against the bruising winds. I felt like they were going to rip me in half. I didn't know how to fly yet even with or without the wings even though in sage mode you could.

That was the one skill I was never taught. To be truthful it was supposed to be my lesson that day long ago. I turned around as the clouds began to clear to realize we were at least a hundred feet from hitting the ground. I whistled lowly then a large torrent of wind sent me barrel rolling to my left. I looked to my right to see the elders Dragon large and proudly looking back at me. I smiled as I set Kakashi down on the ledge of the elders house. We both walked inside, in the middle of the room was the book. I bit my thumb writing the seal of the clan exposing the secrets of the deceased clan with in the book. All the way to the dooms day, After the visions ended sighing sadly I could now piece the lost ones together. A picture of me and my family and every family littered the walls of this room. Their dragons side by side with them. I picked up the one with my friends and I, our dragons all smiling kindly towards the photo taker, we were all wrestling around goofing off. I had to laugh the smiles of our past selves was so up lifting.

I noticed the silver key, I picked it up noticing that there were three whistles on it one for each of the heads of the dragon each was different. Tying a string around it then putting it around my neck, its cold metal quickly warmed to the skin around my bosoms.

I looked around now at the picture of the elder with her husband. I felt so torn to be here staring at the past engulfing me in pain. I could hear Kakashi's voice calling me back to real time. I shook my head and I turned to face him as I motioned him to follow.

“When I was little I can remember running up and down this mountain with Icky to see Grandmother the elder.” I chuckled as I jumped the last ten feet off the mountain steps. we now stood at the villages center.

“So this is where you grew up?” he questioned looking around.

“Some of the time, most of the memories I remember where on the battlefield fighting with my father. I guess, I was a fighter since I was two years old when I unlocked my sage mode that is. And then this happened at six. Which is such a small frame of time. I hate this I wish I was the one to die long ago and not all of them.” I added sadly. “Over there is my home,” I pointed the still standing building.

“The reason my father let me to fight in the war by his side was. The fact I was such a strong willed child, I would have figured out a way to get to the battlefield. It was the inner self that wanted to fight side by side, with fellow warriors. I was learning the traits of the clan. Though we didn’t fight much since, we were always on the top of the mountain and people didn’t tend to mess with us much at all. So in my short life span of the time I was here. I only fought in six skirmishes.” I paused the memories flooding me like a crashing wave. The blood all the blood covering me and my tiny body. “See when I was being raised we were very proud people. We only fought for the right to keep our land. I saw that as a prime opportunity to show that I was getting stronger to my father.... But after that day, I erased my memories along with my friends to forget the proud heritage. So that we would never have to live like that again. I don’t even know what drew me into changing worlds but it seemed right before I had erased or memories. No sane father would allow her small daughter to find on his side.”

(A/N) *Also, my transformation was too sudden and unexpected. then, you must give reason for why she was still at school and tolerating others. if I were a dragon lord, for example, I would have achieved much more. But while one side is well aged beyond years as well as being cold and deadly. Tamara herself is that of a loving soul who would rather see peace and not death.*

A sad happiness flooding over me. We got closer to ground level you could see all the skeletons scattering the sidewalks and housing. Stained sidings on the buildings. Pain etched into every part of me with every where I looked. How could I have done all this.

Opening the door slowly knowing what I would find on the other side. I turned to face away from the two piles of skeletons criss crossed from each other. I noticed the family sword stuck out from their bodies as if it had been pushed through both of their bodies holding them together for death’s door to knock. I pulled out the sword not a spot of rust covered it amazingly. It was a specialized sword that worked with whatever element you had. It was the size of a large katana. I picked up the sleeve putting it into the sleeve. I had the book, the key, the katana, now I wondered if I should look for clothing. If there was still any event here that hadn’t flowed through my eyes yet. I went into mother's room.

Where father's battle gear laid on the bed gold plated with silver. Mine was gold with diamonds. (and she lives in poverty? O.o people she left all of the glory behind when she erased her memories A/N) But now its too small for me to ever fit back in to. Staring at it pressing a hand against the cold metal. Tears threatened to pour but I shook them way. How many people I had killed with it on wouldn’t stop flashing before me. I had to leave before I would get sick.

I opened the closet, I remember Mother always showing me cloths that I would be given when I came of age. I pulled them out setting them down on the bed. One was a kimono with deep blue and red flames coming up from the thy length up to the shoulders. The necklace that came with it was a lighting bolt. I smirked.

“Mom made me cloths for whenever I came of age, and would get married. She was Definitely an over planner.” I said chuckled sadly.

I pulled out a long silver gown that still shimmered it was the perfect shape for my body that I was now. Beaming I set it down beside the book. I found a box full of scrolls, underneath the ninja shoes. They almost fell on my head if Kakashi didn't catch the box as I pulled the shoes out. He was utterly shocked when he pointed to them.

“These are all forbidden scrolls why are they in your parents closet?” he asked.

“Dad was the head of the Clan at that time. He was getting ready to shift them onto me. I don't know why, I would ever need them for. When I'm going to live a normal life as much as I can. But if your village could find a good use for them I'd be more than happy to let them over to a place where they will be looked well after.” I added with a smile. Offering him the box, he narrowed his eye at me unsure but toke it from my steady arms.

I turned back to the clothing and managed to pull out a ninja form of cargo pants. Laughing as I noticed that it was in the section, that was labeled for me when I came of age. It had texture to it as if it was made of black scales. I left to go to the bathroom to try them on. It was a perfection, mothers skills surpassed my own. I looked in the mirror the color changed due to my mood, or what I wanted it to be which was amazing!

Going back into the room making them bright blue. I pulled out the Shirts that where there. All the usual ninja attire. And a bag to put it all in. Then there was a dairy in one of the shelves, my fingers hesitant to open up but I did anyways. It was my fathers. One every day he talked about his happy moments and the sad moments of that day for each day. Smiling softly when he started mentioning me as a small child already learning how to walk and run so early that he's never seen anything like that before. He was so proud when I had awakened my Sage at two years old. When it took normal kids at least until they were seven years old.

Turning to the next page where there was a map. It was a map of the territories. Sitting down as the letter beside it was asking if we wanted to join the leaf village, so we could end the terrible war. And peace would finally be here forever. I sat there stunned, The map marked how much territory we owned including the skies due to our dragons. I was shaken when noticing that my father had signed the agreement paper. I looked up at Kakashi showing him what I had found. He sat down re-reading the letter several times.

“So, I guess this territory does not belong to me any more it belongs to the leaf. Which I wouldn't of had it any other way. I just have one request. That I still remain in control of the dragons. Thats the least I can ask for. And that the houses remain untouched. And all the bodies get their burial in the graveyard. The dragons will know who their masters are and will tell you their names. But, they may or may not remain near the sight of final rest.” I added sadly.

He paused looking up with his one eye at my face reading me like an open book. I was most exposed from my emotionless posture than ever. So shocking myself that this was on the same date of the day they had all been killed before the letter could be returned. Looking out the window quietly. I opened the window letting the stale air clear out the ancient smell of death. I could see all the different dragons all still mourning over their lost masters. I mourned with them, I held myself together as much as I could. Bringing myself to reason, I jumped out of the window dropping down a story or two. I told Kakashi to stay put. I went to the gathering rock were orders were usually shelled out and called out.

“May all the dragons come together in front of the princess.” Susi called out

A few hundred dragons appeared before me all surprised. I was still shaking in pain. Some raged that I had come back to this place of death.

“Please forgive me!” I Pleaded getting down on my knees “I've regretted it every day, since I was Six years old. I wish the end of our clan would have been something so much different than this. So please please forgive me! I know you all deserve to hate me, but, What was I to do, I was too young to understand what injure and death was. I only knew death.” I cried.

The dragons shifted around now understanding my distress, all those years they could feel it in the deep cries for forgiveness. They all ended up bowing in my presence. The Elders Dragon who was solid gold color appeared before me looking me straight in the eyes. I knew that the dragons were just as proud as their masters. Dragons were always able to sense your true intentions every time you blink your eye.

The speech the old dragon was going to give me merely stood for. That if I were to die before the clan could be made anew I would release them from this mountain to do whatever they pleased for the rest of their 5,000 year life span. And that if I was to make the clan anew. that my children would watch over the dragons and their children and so on until the clan was bustling again.

“Do you promise to uphold your task of being the leader of the Dragons? Will you still use us accordingly to your tasks. We will follow every rule you grant us if you promise to end our lives before you die. So that we all may return to our masters?” He preached.

“Yes, I promise that I will send you all back to which you come if I never bear children. Otherwise you must look after my children if I were to die before I could finish my task. And put that task up to them to finish.” I finished the seal.

“And then with that we grant you the powers of all elements and the tattoo of a dragon across your chest.”and with that my shirt ripped off my body flying away with the wind as his breath heaved the tattoo seal onto my chest, it started on my neck where the head was and then it wrapped around my body ending at my knee. The wings folded on my back in ink. Sucking in a fresh breath smelling everything in a new way. My eyesight was forty hundred times better than it was before. My hearing was in tune ten fold. My other senses were just the same. looking into the elder dragon's eyes looking back I could see my grey eyes now with hints of gold. The same my father had with his piercing blue eyes hints of gold near the center. This was the dominance over all dragons. Smirking as I picked up the key with the three headed dragon on it. I asked them what each of the whistles stood for. The one to the farthest to the right was the eldest dragon, And then the center was the dragon of summonings, then the last one was for emergencies summoning the battle dragons when going into a battle.

Comments & reviews · 2
Note: You are not logged in, but you can still leave a comment or review. Before it shows up, a moderator will need to approve your comment (this is only a safeguard against spambots). Leave your email if you would like to be notified when your message is approved.

User avatar
Tenyo
Review
Tenyo wrote a review · Thu Dec 19, 2013 3:48 am

Hey Samara!

I'm gonna be really blunt in this review, but remember I mean for the best! There's something funky going on with your writing.

Title first
Title. Whut? XD If it helps, you can always put a forenote in your work just to mention what it's a fanfiction of.

Also, a less glaring or simpler title would attract reviewers, and more people would take your work seriously. I know it's not nice to judge a book by it's cover, but we do, and a bad title will instantly give people a bad impression before they've even started reading.

Same with the stuff in bold- Notes to self are best left in the draft on your computer. They look really tatty on the page.

What's wrong with this?

Aw man. Okay, so, take a deep breath. I'm seeing two completely different styles of writing here. One of them is awful, like really awful. In this case I would pick two or three things that need work and explain a bit about them. But I'm not going to do that. Why?

Because this chunk: "Slipping... very carefully, sitting back... looking... wondering why, had fate had been so cruel to me. All I had to be thankful for was that, I wasn’t the only one left of my kind..." only makes sense if I tip my head and squint a bit. The clauses are incomplete, there is a lack of proper punctuation, the words are lacking impact, yada yada.

Why am I being so mean? Because this chunk: "I'm pretty sure that the mountain pass... If you unlock it... On the front... I don't know if the elders room is booby trapped or not though. Now that I think about it..." Is perfect! It all makes sense, the sentences vary in structure, the vocabulary is great.

And that's what confuses me. In your dialogue and random parts of your writing are awesome, and then it turns stiff and ugly. Do you feel more relaxed when you're writing dialogue, because you can be more casual in what you're saying? Or do you struggle to get the words out when you're trying to describe actions?

I find that when I try to force myself to write a story I sometimes slip into a mode in my head where I'm just trying to string black and white letters together, instead of the wonderful storyteller mode that I write some of my best stuff in.

Imagine that you're writing the whole thing in dialogue, that the protagonists voice is in your head and you're just casually talking from her perspective. Then edit and resend me the link!

Overall
I like it, I really do! Even if it is filler, it's really interesting! Just, there's something odd holding you back and I think if you manage to kick that out of your head you'll be an amazing writer.

Try what I said and let me know how it goes. If it doesn't work yell at me and I'll come back and give you a more in depth review.

Okay I will try to fix it... presently I've been trying to rewrite the whole thing over with everything people have told me to fix. And I promise that everything will hopefully look better. Truthfully all these stories I've been speed typing are from my dreams and all... but I also had this huge book I was writing a few years ago and I've had the biggest writers block for it recently its hard to figure out what I want to tie that big book off with. but any who, I hope you enjoyed it and support me while I'm rewriting it all. Thank you for your support.

User avatar
ERZA
Review
ERZA wrote a review · Sat Dec 07, 2013 8:40 am

This is a bit confusing. However I am able to guess that this is related to Naruto anime or manga whichever. But this is not a fanfiction I think as you are using your own characters. This story is really good but you are really missing some important parts here. First off it is not advisable to begin a fanfiction so vaguely. Especially when you have added your own characters. Your story lacked that wave. The beginning actually looked as though it was the middle part of some story but certainly not the starting.
Secondly, it is actually a silent rule sort of thing which you do not follow if you are that qualified which is by the way introducing your characters. In your case here we get to know of your main character(looks like it) only after reading almost half the story. Basic sort of description of these self added people is essential when it is a fanfiction you are dealing with.
Thirdly, your story came out as a rather uninteresting one mainly due to any proper description of the characters. It lacked the flow as well as any indication of a good and potential plot.
Furthermore, it was a bit frustrating to see that a fanfiction related to Naruto(most awesome anime/manga ever!) was this bland. And on top of that the dragons really made me feel as if you should not have put Kakashi in this. Like you could have made this into any ninja story with a dragon twist or somethig.
Lastly, I would like to suggest that this story needs a huge makeover and tou should do it as early as you can.
Please do not mind me if I sounded too harsh. I am critical about this because I love Naruto and naturally I would look at Naruto fanfics so strictly. Thats all I think. Good luck on this and keep writing. ~ ERZA.

Thank you for your input I'll be making a big huge flash back soon.... but it'll really just be filler in a way. Until I'm done editing the rest of the story. But This next chapter will go all the way to the beginning of the time were the clan was still all alive and such. It will talk about the war and how she was being trained, and all. I will make sure to fill in as much details that will not make it as bland as what you think I've made this one. I am dearly sorry that this is so bland for you. I will do my very best to make it better than before. That's a promise. And it will be thanks to you and all the other's that have posted comments on what needs to be changed. And I may put that chapter on the first chapter and then rearrange the rest.



Irrigation of the land with seawater desalinated by fusion power is ancient. It's called 'rain'.
— Michael McClary