Hi there, just a quick review on your poem.
I often read this kind of poem, which was written based on experience / opinion sustained by the poet. The title of poem may be a little harsh, but it depends on the assessment / observation of the readers themselves. I have no problem with that. For me it might be made more prominent by the title of poem that coincides with the content.
In this world, where dreams flow by
Have I not been a living lie?
The poet raise a pithy through the the first stanza. Followed by a statement of life experienced (also definitely experienced by everyone). I like the way it is conveyed with a slightly annoyed tone of voice.
Men may rise and men may fall
Like leaves,in a tree so tall.
Truth is, it was never our call
We still pretend like we had it all.
It is clear that you are serious when writing this poem. The proof? You give the rhythm in this stanza. It's just a guess, but I see you trying to give the effect of a variety in your poem. The same with the simile. But the simile that you gave looks a bit blurry. The impact was too weak to give a comparison of similarities between the first two lines. Here, creating rhythm is sometimes difficult to do than with free verse.
Overall, I was impressed by some part in your poem that seems interesting. Your idea can be improved in the final stanza. Make it clear and well organized, it can certainly shows the real strength. Keep it up!
Kudos, cheers.
Points: 28237
Reviews: 363
Donate