Young Writers Society

Hellooo its Tiny here!

I've pointed out all my favorite parts because I think the others have agreed that this poem is utterly perfect.



Yesterday was cracked

----Her heart is tipsy----

And her mind is packed

“Mommy! Mommy! Mommy”

Her life is it's fact

Slippin' low

“Hey, look here, ho!”

Too skinny from

The sticky smoke

----But he's an old bloke

Looking to cheat

On his faithful wife---- (really shows what kind of a man this person is)

But he's messing

With her son's precious life

----Giving meat to his bones

Every time he pays----

Her to sin

And on those days

She teaches her well-fed son

Why one can't steal

----He breathes in

He believes in---- (I just can't put down how much this works for the poem)

Strange men lies

And he relies

On the strange man

----Man relies on Mamma

And Mamma relies on the can

Teaching her son

How to be a man.----(just sums up the poem beautifully)

Stay classy

Hey there, here to review.

I'd like to say that I'm not a fan of prostitute poems, but this is actually very well done. It wasn't too long, which is good, and to the point. I loved the rhyming you did and the structure of the poem. I think what makes this poem truly good is the end:

Strange men lies

And he relies

On the strange man

Man relies on Mamma

And Mamma relies on the can

Teaching her son

How to be a man.

Her life is it's fact

This was over all very interesting. But I didn't see many full stops? I don't know much about poetry but I'm pretty sure it kinda needs those. But I'm not much of a poetry person so take this how ever you feel like I guess. I know that the title said that she was ugly but you never really got an idea of what the prostitute looked like at all. I really enjoyed the ending lines, I really did, honest to god. Keep up the god work besides those little, whiny details. :]

This is an interesting piece. I like how you can point at that she's a prostitute without full out saying it in the poem. You seem good with words. Nice job