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Child's play

by fruit4you

Sweet scents of cherry catchers

And the ripe fruits of the summer's air

Fast paced and wistfully awake

And worried for days that were

From today, beyond, and yesterday.

Singing dreams to only hear a voice crack

Just smile today for tomorrow may falter

Quicken your pace but slow your heart

See all there is but hold and savor

The flavor of love and adventure

As you walk away

From the world

That's all a play

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74 Reviews

Points: 2830
Reviews: 74

Tue Nov 19, 2013 4:29 pm
Omi1 wrote a review...

I really like how you've structured it. It immediately got my attention. :) And the imagery was fantabulous! Really, starting off your poem with phrases like "sweet scents", "wistfully awake", and "summers air" help so much with the setting. The detail and vocabulary are just as good. From here, the poem only gets better. I especially like the line, "Just smile today for tomorrow may falter". It adds to the mood and creates a hint of suspense. You've started out with a beautiful summers day and now you mention time and how it flies by.
...maybe I'm being to nice, but the very end is even better. It gives a bit of a sad sense with the line "that's all a play". Makes it sound like the life we live isn't really much of anything...not that I agree with the statement, but this poem certainly does put that into perspective. Well done! I hope to read more of your works. :)

fruit4you says...

Awwww!!!! Thanks! :) :p

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35 Reviews

Points: 362
Reviews: 35

Tue Nov 19, 2013 5:11 am
dbrick wrote a review...

Hey, dbrick here for a review. This poem was very pleasant to read, it had a calming "mood" to it and reminded me to savor the sweet things in life. It really relates to life well: one day you are cherishing the scents of the summer's air before being swept away into a busy week where all you do is trudge around trying to get work done, followed by another awakening to the pleasant things in life. I am still trying to decipher "As you walk away, From the world, That's all a play." Is this poem possibly about someone who is dying and learns to cherish things in life and to "stop and smell the roses"? I am curious what precisely you were writing about. Anyways, a great poem and even better reminder for each of our lives.

fruit4you says...

You were pretty much spot on. It is when being a child all you do is whatever pleases you. When You get older you forget the pleasures and small things in life because you always worry about everything. The end is about just trying to find that sweet scent of loving life before you have to walk away.

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129 Reviews

Points: 2087
Reviews: 129

Tue Nov 19, 2013 5:05 am
beccalicious94 wrote a review...

This is one of the stronger poems I've seen on YWS. First of all, from the onset, I love the shape of the poem. I always find it interesting when poets do that, the poem is even slightly cherry shaped. You use diversified and interesting dicton throughout. Just to echo the comments made below: I agree with comment on "beyond," I think a simple change to "tomorrow" would fit quite nicely. In response to the last line, I agree that the meaning could be misconstrued because the word "play" has multiple meanings. Might I suggest "That's all at play," I think your intended purpose will be served. I love the tone of the poem, it feels light but is deep. I gleaned that we should cherish carefree moments while we have them, and even though we don't know what the future has in store, today is happening under our noses. Beautiful poem. Keep up the great work and write on!

fruit4you says...

Thanks for the advice! :)

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67 Reviews

Points: 2314
Reviews: 67

Tue Nov 19, 2013 2:57 am
AlfonsoFernandez wrote a review...

Hello, here for a review (again).

This poem is very nice. I liked how you set a very happy mood to this poem with the first verses, then made it seem more somber near the middle, then ended it with another different mood, which still seemed sad but somehow more inspiring. I like the fact that there aren't really any rhymes at the beginning, yet the poem ends with a rhyme.

One thing that bothered me a bit was this verse:

From today, beyond, and yesterday.

I like this verse, yet the word beyond doesn't seem very right. Usually "beyond" is used more as a mesure of space, and not time. I suggest that you could change that line to:

From today, tomorrow, and yesterday.

Just a suggestion. Also, you end the poem with,

That's all a play

This wouldn't pose a problem except if you are connecting that to the title (which I think you are). When we say "Child's play" we're talking more about a game, whereas when you say "play" alone you it is more like a "play of theatre". Maybe that was not what you meant, and I understand you also wanted to make it rhyme.

Other from that I saw no mistakes, this poem is very good.

So good job again, and keep writing.


fruit4you says...

Thanks for the advice!

fruit4you says...

It was also a testimony to Shakespeare... the last line.

okay I think I need to grab some nachos
— BluesClues