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Burn

by bubblybubbles101331


It's a pleasure to burn, after being hurt so much

It's a pleasure to burn, instead of being cold from your touch.

It's a pleasure to burn, after seing you with her.

It's a pleasure to burn, as I do it's a blur.

My heart became cold, my eyes still and black.

I am rigid with hate, I am not coming back.

It's a pleasure to burn, I do this in glee.

It's a pleasure to burn you, instead of you burning me me.


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97 Reviews


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Mon Dec 16, 2013 7:23 pm
smile wrote a review...



hey there im here to review .......

_well generally your poem is nice , meaningful , expressive .

_the only thing i didn't like is that it was kind of short , it is gonna be great if you add some

imagery , and description especially in this situation ...

'' It's a pleasure to burn, after seing you with her ''

_also i think that you should add a short introduction before you start those expressions :

'' It's a pleasure to burn "

-the introduction is my favourite part in your poem it's so catchy.

so keep up the good work ....smile :)






Haahah thanks :)



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193 Reviews


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Tue Dec 10, 2013 8:27 pm
herbgirl wrote a review...



I really like this poem.
I t kind of flows along well, which I liked. At points when I thought it might not rhyme to well it turned out fine.
I think the length is great, but I saw a couple of mistakes. There are 2 me's at the end. 'seing' needs another 'e'.
I can tell that you extended this poem from the below reviews. In the actual poem it seems kind of choppy but it evens out.
Still, I liked the message.
Thanks for the read!
herby






Thanks so much:) and I actually did try fixing those mistakes as well, but the editing isnt working fot me :P But thank you for the review xD



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Tue Dec 10, 2013 6:15 pm



I just want to let you know, I tried to the way its formatted, but it kept doing this :P It is supposed to be more centered,......Ya sorry about that.




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Mon Nov 18, 2013 9:44 pm



So I have decided to add more to this........




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Mon Nov 18, 2013 9:06 pm
Jibber wrote a review...



That was really short. Not always a bad thing, but in this particular poem it might be nice to add another stanza or continue on to explain a bit through imagery and symbolism what the poem is about and what the character is running from. Mainly, though, I agree with EloquentDragon. However, the poem had a good rhythm and the rhyming was great, also. Keep practicing and remember every peice of writing could use room for improvement, which is why we never quit!
Thanks for sharing!




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Mon Nov 18, 2013 6:34 pm
EloquentDragon wrote a review...



First of all, that was short!

Okay then.

It is a pleasure to burn; To just waste away.


This is my favorite line, it grabbed my attention. Good job!

I have become so weary, I was so distraught.


This seems a bit stilted, because it sounds as if you were forcing it to sound like stuff you've read that was written two hundred years ago. Try not to contrive any of the words/phrases you choose to use, things should come naturally.

Away from your trap I surely do run.


I realize that you're trying to preserve the rhyme here, but same thing as before. It sounds unnatural. It's also a bit fragmented. Maybe try to clarify.

The only other word of advice I can offer is to try and be more original. The whole poem flows smoothly and quite nicely, but nothing really stands out as being dynamic or unique. Work on the imagery that you choose to use, and look for different perspectives on everyday things like the sun or happiness. That is what will make for truly great poetry.

Keep writing!
~ED





I am always saying "Glad to've met you" to somebody I'm not at all glad I met. If you want to stay alive, you have to say that stuff, though.
— Holden Caulfield