Young Writers Society

Hi WiteOak!
You have the fundamentals to a very good poem.
I enjoyed most the concept, that everyone has heard of, but is never truly advocated for to the extent it should be!
A suggestion I have for you, would be dividing your poem into stanzas. Otherwise, it might be parallel to prose.
Another thingy (for lack of a better word) I enjoyed, was the coma you utilized after You. It really added brevity and depth to your poem. I also applaud your escalating diction, but if you increased your vocabulary even more, then maybe the capitalization would not be needed!
You have a few spelling/grammatical errors, but I'm sure you'll be able to find them. (Such as "too" instead of "to" conspicuously).
Ooh, one more thing before I leave. I like your repetition in the piece, but in these three lines:


"Unless you discover that
You,
You are stronger than that."

Do you see how you can see the word "that", twice? I think this was an accidental repetition and can add a sense of weakness to your poem. I would revise the way you word "Unless you discover that".

Overall, I enjoyed the concept you layed out, and believe that this can be a great poem (unless you decide to turn it into prose).
Keep Writing!
-Sbitonti

This is an amazing poem:) Great work on everything:)

Hey I really like this this poem!! It was really well written and from the heart. I can relate to this so much. You had good ideas and good fluency and word choice. I liked how you wrote this part,
"Let not the abuse rattle over your bones and torment you.

You, are stronger than that.

Let not the hunger throttle your being.

Let not the swine mold you so."

You had a good transition and and really good word choice at this part. I also like your descriptive words on this part,

"Let not the pressure of the earth below seep into your mind

Like a summer brook on a cool July morning, it flows all to conspicuously." You did a great job on this poem and I really liked reading it!! Keep writing!

This is a poem from your heart,i belive.I'm mostly greatful for this piece of work,written in simple english and easy sentences.More of a poem by yourself and not a wanna be poet.I think you put a little less than expected.Never mind am quite a sentimental individual,but am certainly not a critic.I missed some things i thought should have been in the poem;imagry,you tried casting some few images,but it wasn't strong enough.Keep writing,We are all here to get better at it(writing) and so shall we...!!!!

this was the lovely poem about strength and how to keep strong

I LOVE LOVE LOVE your title!
And your poem is amazing and inspiring. I love the message you present and you do it so fluently. This is such a wonderful poem. Great job, keep writing!
The only things I don't like are the all caps words, because I don't see why you chose to capitalize just them, and perhaps italics would work better anyway. I also don't like the line:

Like a summer brook on a cool July morning, it flows all to conspicuously

GoldFlame here! I completely agree with previous reviewers; it was a powerful poem. I would just recommend fixing the line breaks, seems a bit random at times...and the occasionally misplaced commas after "you." Cannot wait to read more of your work!

These a really good poem. i love the word you use in stanza 16 "conspicuously" pretty word. i feel like you had these into you, its like yuor reading it, even thou i havnet herad your vocie. Its very incogering to other people, that how much hurt and things you been to and the drama thats happing, its like your stranger than, all of that. WONDERFUL!!!

This is a really great poem here, it's very powerful, by the way that you repeat the "You are stronger than that" And having at the end really emphasised your point!
Really well written, and another bit I like about the last part, is the fact you say:
"You,
You are stronger than that."
So then second last 'you' really brings your point across. I think it's great!