z

Young Writers Society


12+

The Titan

by WiteOak


it is said

that humanity

lies

in ruins.

she lies at the feet of a titan.

a monster.

she is at his mercy.

beck

and

call.

it is you.

but love is kind, is it not?

no.

we are

the hated.

the outcasts.

the untouchables.

we will prevail.

we are the final

disease.

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User avatar
68 Reviews

Points: 435
Reviews: 68

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Wed Nov 06, 2013 9:58 pm
live1out2loud7 wrote a review...



Hey WiteOak! This is a really awesome poem. I loved the description you put into your work. I can imagine the struggle and fight behind it. The only thing I would suggest is being more cautious about starting a new line. You don't want to have a break right in the middle of a phrase, or the reader might not interpret it the way you want them to. Also, although this is poetry, I suggest working on your grammar. If you're going to use punctuation marks, I'd suggest also using commas and capitalization in order to keep it consistent. Keep up the awesome work!




User avatar
166 Reviews

Points: 1135
Reviews: 166

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Wed Nov 06, 2013 3:22 am
Cheetah wrote a review...



Hi, Cheetah here to review your poem this evening. :)

I really liked this theme. The way you defined it was unique. I especially liked the very end, this part:

we are

the hated.

the outcasts.

the untouchables.

we will prevail.

we are the final

disease.

I loved the repetition, it really helped the poem flow.

The only thing I would change is how often you make a new line. For example, this section:

it is said

that humanity

lies

in ruins.

could be changed to this:
It is said,

that humanity

lies in ruins


This was really good! Keep writing!





Be steadfast as a tower that doth not bend its stately summit to the tempest’s shock.
— Dante Alighieri