Young Writers Society

While this is good, the ending is very open and abrupt, and it really needs to be changed unless you intended for it to be that way. I noticed that you said that you left off the last few lines. On the right side of your webpage, underneath your information, there should be a rectangular button that says, "Edit Work". If you click on it, then naturally you can go edit your work.

Hi, Knight Teen of the Green Room Knights here to review.

There were a few sentences that looked a little odd, or didn't really make sense. You line breaks are choppy, and give this a really weird rhythm, but I kind of like it. If you want to change it, then that's up to you.

More common than

Not.

People tend to say, "More often than not," which is why this looks a little weird.

Less effervescency

This really isn't a word, and according to the definition that I found, effervescence means bubbles in a liquid or alternatively, enthusiasm.

This

Shouldn’t be

Any longer.

What shouldn't be any longer? You open a question without answering it.

Make a

Day

Smile.

You can't make a day smile.

You don't really stick with your topic, "desolation". The content that you have is good but hardly any of it beyond the first few lines refers to it.

I think that this could use a little work, but other than that you did a good job!

KT

Well, it seems to have a decent meaning behind it all, but you haven't really been effective enough to get it across.

I'll go through it section by section.

Desolation

Is a hell.

Abandonment

And

Hatred

Is what

You

Make of it.

Okay, let me start off by saying this format is too choppy and breaks everything up too much. It has an awkward structure, which makes it extremely difficult to read.
Despite that, it is a good starting stanza (assuming it is your first stanza). But, the one/two word lines just aren't really working... Personally, I think it would read better like this:
"Desolation is a hell.
Abandonment
and hatred
is what
You
make of it." Okay, my reasoning behind this is fairly simple. Desolation is hell. This is a simple yet striking sentence. It strips the poem bare, giving us the direct meaning, but then delves into more detail. Having Abandonment on it's own (as you originally put) works well because it is a keyword in describing the whole poem. The next part which works at standing out is You, I left this on it's own (as you put originally) with the capital 'Y' because it is addressing directly the person you are speaking to.

This was simply an example, just to show you how I think it would structure better. My opinion does not necessarily mean it is right, however. It is your choice. The single word stanzas could work though, you just need to change the formatting to make it clear where each stanza starts, or whether the whole poem is one long stanza. It is too spaced out at the moment. So, you don't have to listen to my suggestion, but it's there if you decide you want to edit it to something along them lines.


I won't pick out any other parts because they all seem to be fine despite the structure. You're use of language seems fine... Another thing I noticed was that you put a capital letter at the beginning of every line- this is not needed; only use this if you want to emphasise a certain word or at the beginning of a new sentence. If it is in the middle of an ongoing sentence, you don't need to capitalise the word at the start of a line.

I hope I was of some help. Don't hesitate to PM if you want a clearer opinion or anything.

I enjoyed the content of the poem so well done.

Good luck with future writing.

-Clarity.