I stood at the edge of a cliff the hard, gray sides of the other mountains rising up on either side, uncaring, unfeeling, cold. What a perfect place to take a tumble.
I scanned the high cliffs for a sign of life, any hint of green amongst the gray, but none caught my eye. I sighed as I again turned my attention to the edge. Just a step, just a step and I would be gone, departed from this world forever.
Oh how badly I wanted to take that step. It pulled me forward, that urge to step, with promises of forgetfulness, of nothingness. I craved that step like addicts crave their substance. It burned within me, begging me pleading me, to give in. With it, I was nothing; without it I was nothing.
I closed my eyes and took a step.
I took a step, right onto solid ground. I hadn't stepped far enough.
No matter how much of me wanted to take that step, there was always that small little bit of me that screamed and fought for survival. It's what had kept me alive when I slit my wrists, had forced me to breath when I had tried to drown, had thrown up the pills, and the part of myself that I hated the most. The part that always refused to give up, the part that always resurfaced every time I had tried to take my life.
My family came into my mind, unbidden. I tried to quickly shut the door on those thoughts, but the flow of memories was too strong. Images flashed behind my closed eyelids. My mother's loving smile, my dad cheering me on at my middle school graduation, my little sister's dainty hands clutching mine as we crossed the street. I had almost convinced myself to walk away from the cliff.
Then the other memories started. My father's raised fist, a whip poised to strike, countless hours spent waiting out my parent's drunken rages with my sister.
My sister. What would happen to her when I disappeared? When they found my body?
She would adapt. That was the answer. My baby sister had always been better than me at standing up to our parent's wrath; at surviving.
Just lean now, just the slightest shift forward and I would have the ending that I so desperately wanted, but I couldn't do it. That part of me was still kicking and screaming, still craving survival.
I lifted up my arms, I would let the winds decide my fate for me. If I hadn't fallen by the time I finished counting down from ten, I would walk away and never try again.
10...
I lifted my body weight onto my toes.
9...
Was this how birds felt just before they took flight?
8...
Was this my last breath?
7...
My last heartbeat?
6...
Would it hurt?
5...
Is there a beyond?
4...
Did it even matter?
3...
Goodbye.
2...
A breeze floated down the mountain side, just the smallest, feathery breath of wind, but it was enough. Enough to tip me forward. Just enough for me to lose my footing on the rocky edge.
Just enough to send me toppling into nothingness.
1.
Points:
Time spent:
IP address:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
137,524 Literary Works • 672,040 Reviews
I was at the edge of my seat for the entire story. It was gripping and thrilling, albeit sad. It certainly keeps the reader asking, "does she/he die?", which just draws us in more. It was artistically drawn together, and I loved reading it.
On to the nitpicks:
The very first sentence is a run on.
Several of your sentences don't make sense with the way that they are structured.
You have several run on sentences throughout the piece. I would appreciate if you would fix them.
Other than that, I don't have any criticisms.
Thank you for the gripping story and keep writing!
I think the formatting of this piece is absolutely amazing!
The way in which you convey your ideas in this piece are spectacular.
My favourite line: 'She would adapt. That was the answer. My baby sister had always been better than me at standing up to our parent's wrath; at surviving.' It was so emotive.
You really pull the reader into this piece and the pacing is brilliant.
So by the time we get to the end, this really is a cliffhanger. XD
Kudos.
keep writing.
Wait, so is this your work or not? I might feel more keen to reviewing a work if I knew for sure I wasn't wasting my time. (Not meant to offend saying that, just the truth.)
Also; I personally feel if the whole plot of the story is a girl jumping off a cliff it kind of ruins the story to start it saying your at the edge of the cliff. Ruins any depth or mystery, but that's just my own opinion.
Yes it is my work, I originally had some nonsensical words up here, so that was what I was talking about. I am sorry it took me so long to reply to your question and hope that you are still willing to review this piece.
This is amazing.
There were just a few things that sounded weird when reading.
Um... nevermind I wont tell you.
I really do like it though and would be willing to help if you wanted but yeah...
anyway it was good :3
I'm not sure if this is really a piece of work. I know I, and most other people on this site, would appreciate it if you refrained from posting things that you didn't actually want other people to look at and review seriously.
You are correct in assuming that this was not a real piece I had written, however, I am insulted that you automatically jumped to the conclusion that I am not as serious about this site as you are. If you had looked at any of my other works before you left this comment, you would have known that this is not something I actually wanted to be viewed. I was showing a friend who had just joined the site how to publish before she confirmed so that her first work on the site could be perfect.
Instead of bashing me, you could have helped me by telling me something useful, such as how to delete unwanted works.
I'm sorry, I wasn't trying to be insulting or rude in any way. I believe that you can just click edit and delete the work if you wish to. I haven't read any of your other works, and I wasn't trying to insinuate that you are not a serious author. I find it admirable that you were trying to get your friend involved in the site. I'm sorry to have offended you, I didn't mean it to be hurtful.