Young Writers Society

Hey there, Buzz here to review!

I really liked your poem, I like the innocent fear in it, the suspense and the simplicity.
This will be a fairly short review as it was a very good poem, however there is always room for improvements.

"he sits up suddenly in bed with a cry"

Here, i'm not sure if the lower case, "h" was intentional, if not, it's meant to be "He".
A minor thing but i feel it would read a bit better if it were;
"He sits up in bed suddenly, with a cry"

"He huddles into his blankets.

one mississippi."

Again, shouldn't Mississippi, have a capital letter since it's a name of a place.
I like the imagery of the boy or man huddling into his blanket, maybe a description of his fear would've worked well here?

"A handle on the doorknob.

Five missisi-

Too late; the storm is here.

Little did he know, it had been waiting and watching, longer than he knew."

I like how, the handle on the doorknob was not a person, but a storm the personification is good. But for the last line I kind of wish it had come later on, your poem feels more like a short story at times, so to make it more poetic you could add more descriptions and build more of an atmosphere or mood terror.

Overall a great piece, I hope I was of help to you.

-Buzz

Hi Amelia, Dream here with review on your poem. First of all, Happy Review Day!
Mysterious poem here. I wonder who makes him fear of his life. Not told, just highlighting the situation at the time. Honestly, I feel like the last day (Day of Resurrection) who knows?!
I like the imagery that you give, including giving some figurative language in the poem.

thunder booms and lightning crackles
He hears something else*.

Too late; the storm is here.
Little did he know, it had been waiting and watching, longer than he knew.

Hello NightWolf here to review your poem.

It's a nice little poem I particularly like the "one Mississippi" part, it really shows innocence, something you are taught at school.

You really have portrayed the fear people have during storms, and I really emphasize with the boy, so well done for that.

Flow

Can't really say much here, it flows well, nothing awkward.

Grammar

One or two grammatical issues, but nothing really major.
1. The first letter on the first line should be capitalized.
2. The first letter on the fifth line should be capitalized.

Apart from them two, I see no others.

Overall, I like this poem. It's original, it's clever how the seconds are counted. I sincerly hope you keep up the good work, well done!

I was going to say, this seems more like a story than a poem. It doesn't really flow like a poem should. It's a nice concept and I like the ending, but it's definitely more of a story. I would be interested to read it if you chose to write a story. I like how the narrator counts the seconds. Unfortunately, I am not incredibly knowledgeable when it comes to poetry so I don't know exactly what advice I could give you to improve this piece of writing. I hope you can find the original