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Network of Keys Chapter 5: Cynthia, Enter the Tower Already

by rainbowcabbit


The mayor stands before us; his round body looks as if it wants to escape the nice tuxedo.

"Apparently," he continues, "Tears are evidence of the world's demise. They are caused by the Keys being out of place. They haven't started occurring until a few months ago, when the rest of the odd behavior started taking place. Usually it is to be assumed that odd weather changes could be normal, but these," he gestures towards the Tear, "are dangerous and destructive. Tears appear out of nowhere for no tangible reason and they disappear as suddenly as they came. They happen to engulf anything that touches them and sometimes leave behind lethal substances."

"I see," I tell him, picking up the very worried Ky and nodding my head. It is hard to hold back those memories. That night...no. I don't think about it.

"Well," says the mayor, "On a brighter subject, I can tell you brought a friend. I was going to recommend bringing a ryg ponmik along. They are very helpful indeed. Good thing I brought ponmik food along. I have all your supplies in the plane."

His red puffy face curls into a smile. I'm glad he's excited. He makes a gesture to follow him and I do while still clutching my partner, who's raised fur seems to be slowly flattening.

***

After about an hour of listening to directions, uniform fitting, and looking through supplies, we finally get to the Tower. It's real tall, as it seems to extend forever. However, the tower isn't as wide as I expected. The plane we are in lands in the valley in front of the Tower. This valley is shallow, surrounded by a gentle, rectangular hill frame. The Tower sits in one corner of the hill frame. Everything looks green except for the slate colored structure. Ky, the mayor, and I get off the plane and approach the Tower. In his excitement, Ky skips around in little circles about us, squeaking happily. My newly received uniform is actually quite comfortable. Looking in the mirror, I had loved how the sleek black of the uniform looked with my long blond hair and bright red eyes. Red stripes bordering the jacket and pants showed off that I am a fire-elemental ryg, or a red ryg. Now, I admire how the fire-proof fabric feels.

"How do you get inside?" I ask, picking up my ponmik, who is just done wetting himself from excitement. Ew.

"I thought you knew," the mayor responds, looking up towards where the Tower's peak could be. 

It's obvious this guy needs to do his research on ryges. It's everything I can do to keep my fuming on the inside: I really dislike when people make assumptions about ryges and/or are prejudice against us.

"Hmmm," I respond, and start striding closer to the Tower.

I walk around the Tower's perimeter, but there aren't any doors. In fact, there are no obvious entrances. However, something so holy probably wouldn't have an obvious entrance anyway, so I touch the Tower's cool, smooth surface so that maybe I can feel a hidden entrance. Again, I am left in the dark.

"Hey," says Ky excitingly, "What if, we are like, supposed to be able to just walk right into it? That would be awesome!"

"Ky," I reply, "It's solid concrete, that's not very possible."

Even so, I can't help but think about that possibility. I've only heard about how other ryges travel from one Side to the other: they do what Ky mentioned, basically focus on getting to the Other Side and just walk through the place where it seems spiritually odd. Wait, maybe he's right. It does kind of feel just a bit strange here when I think about it. Ky playfully sticks out his little pink tongue at me.

"Knew it," he giggles.

"Yes you did," I admit., "Now just focus on walking into the Tower, despite the fact that it's concrete. Pretend it's an open door."

With that, I concentrate on crossing into the Tower's world and pray that I don't bump into the very hard wall. Luckily, we don't crash into the holy structure.


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Mon Mar 17, 2014 1:32 am
AdjiFlex wrote a review...



So they're FINALLY at this tower. I particularly like your first sentence- it's a pretty nice way to reinforce the mayor's... size, size being both literal and in terms of the largeness of his influence and power on the town. I like that even though Cynthia and the mayor are working together, their is still that racial (racial? Yeah I think) rift between them- so there is that secondary conflict that the story will resolve somehow (I would imagine).

This chapter was pretty short, the shortest I've read so far. Be careful you chapters don't end up becoming as short as sonnets. Most of us who are reading this like a filling rather that a stingy chapter. There are better descriptions here of Cynthia than in the past chapters. I can actually see her in her jet-black, leather-looking suit now, looking like a heroine who is ready for some action.

As for nitpicking, not my favorite aspect of reviewing, there are a number if typos here that kinda stand out because the chapter is so short. One look-over should fix those though. No writer is immune to typos :)

I am certainly reading more of this.
Keep writing.
Adam-Clay.




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Sun Oct 27, 2013 3:44 am
EloquentDragon wrote a review...



Just a few things here:

It's real tall, as it seems to extend forever.


"Real" isn't a very good adjective, and sounds a bit odd here. And use "and it seems" not "as it seems."

gentle, rectangular hill frame.


What is a "hill frame?" Maybe you just meant "gentle, angular hills." Although I don't know how a hill can be angular and gentle at the same time.

uniform fits perfectly against my skin and it's only a little loose.


How can it fit perfectly and yet be "loose?" Maybe you meant "it fits perfectly against my skin but isn't too tight." or something.

It's obvious this guys needs to do his research on ryges.


Guy, not "guys." And you might want to pluralize that as Rygs, not "ryges." (Note the capitalization there)

I hate when people make assumptions about ryges and/or are prejudice against us.


But this guy isn't making assumptions-- he just has no idea what he's asking. Try to avoid the slash / too, as we read this like the character herself is talking to us. That's a little weird.

Ky, imsgine yourself melting through the tower walls and through any invisible boundary."


Typo there. And you can probably cut "through any invisible boundary," because if it's invisible, how would they know it's there to start with?

I think about everything I touch and myself walking through a veil.


This doesn't make sense here. Maybe you meant "I think about what it is that I'm touching and imagine myself walking through a veil."

This chapter is very short. You should expand on it. I have no idea what Rygs and those little furry creatures are or anything, but that's okay since I haven't read any of the previous chapters. Try to describe things a bit more, and add more to this!

~ED






Guys was probably a typo. Whoops. Funny things happen when I type, sorry. Plus, some parts are just really hard to describe. Thank you and good luck :D





Yep, most of the stuff I pointed out were probably just typos. ;)

Definitely expand on this, and keep writing!





Yep, most of the stuff I pointed out were probably just typos. ;)

Definitely expand on this, and keep writing!



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Sun Oct 27, 2013 2:54 am
Cheetah wrote a review...



Hi, Cheetah here, ready to review your piece on this wonderful Review Day!

This is really good. Although I haven't read the chapters before this, it looks interesting and I'd like to read more. I love your description, everything feels real to me. You also have wonderful vocabulary. Well done one that! :)

This is my favorite part:

"How do you get inside?" I ask, picking up my ponmik, who is just done wetting himself from excitement. Ew.


I laughed out loud when I read that, for some reason I found it really funny.

There were only a few nit-picky things that I noticed:

1)
It's obvious this guys needs to do his research on ryges. It's everything I can do to keep my fuming on the inside: I hate when people make assumptions about ryges and/or are prejudice against us.


I think it would be better if you used a period instead of a semicolon.

2)
Maybe if I just think about it, "Ky, imsgine yourself melting through the tower walls and through any invisible boundary."


I think you meant imagine.

Other than that, this was really good! Keep writing! :D






Thank you so much. Good luck with your reviews. :D




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— Catullus