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Young Writers Society



Network of Keys Chapter 3: Ky, First Words

by rainbowcabbit


~Ky~ 

Cynthia blurts something out so loudly my ears ring a little. She stands up as quick as lightning. But it isn't like I care, because in this moment beautiful, untouched treasure is just laying there, completely unguarded on the table. And I can't get to it because Grandpa is holding me like I'm some kind of toy. Plus, there's this annoying thing strangling my neck. I can breathe, but this thing is so uncomfortable. 

Words fly from Cynthia's and Grandpa's mouths, but I could care less about getting the details. Instead I preoccupy myself with trying to get the yellow noose off me. To make matters worse, Grandpa holds me up higher. My feet struggle on nonexistent ground. It's like there is no up and down here, just air. I hate this so much, I wish he would just put me down. I glare at him, but it is in vain. That's when I catch a few interesting words. 

"I think Ky might be a ryg, too," Grandpa explains.

Did he just say I might be a ryg? A ryg? Th-that can't be! I can't possible have powers or be pretty much immortal or anything! Plus, I've never even seen a- wait no, Cynthia is one. Though that is not recent news. But still, I absolutely cannot be! Right? For some odd reason, the thought makes my chest flutter.

"How so?" Cynthia questions the old man.

"Isn't it obvious?" Grandpa starts, "He's old for a ponmik, and yet he still looks rather young. In fact, he acts young too," he giggles at that.

"So?" Cynthia retorts, looking slightly nervous, "He could just be really healthy."

Grandpa continues, "Oh, and he's also very intelligent for a ponmik. He pays close attention when I read aloud to him, and sometimes he even responds when I think out loud."

Cynthia looks very unsure for a moment, and then states, "But he doesn't actually speak, Grandpa. A ponmik ryg can talk. Besides, I can't take him with. It's too dangerous for him."

Take me with? My ears stand straight up as my full attention is caught. I can...go with her? I could possibly leave the house? To where? And danger? Weirdly enough the word "danger" gets me excited, though I can't explain why since I'm not one of those "Darksiders" I consistently hear about. I want it though, this danger, even if I cannot fully grasp the concept of having my life at stake yet.

"Well, we haven't really given him the chance to talk yet. I know, how about we try to get Ky to speak?" Grandpa offers, "If we can't get him to utter a single word, he'll stay. But if he manages even one word, he'll accompany you."

With that, he places me back on solid ground, between him and Cynthia. I revel in the cool, smooth feel of the tiled floor beneath my paws. I can't enjoy it for long. Curious eyes start to burn into my back, yearning for answers to unknown questions. Suddenly an intense pressure starts to crush me as I realize this is my one and only chance to get out of here. Finally get out of this house I call my world. Both humans tower over me, each one a representation of my fate. On my left the blonde stands, her stature portraying confidence, but her ruby red eyes betraying her anxiety. She is the path I want, to accompany her is my one and only dream. If only I can speak at least one human word. 

On the other hand Grandpa stands, well, slouches I guess. He can't stand up straight. To fail his expectation of me talking would mean to be doomed to stay trapped in this house for eternity. Cynthia's right, though: no human word has ever escaped my mouth before. Yet, I can't give up. I won't. All I want is to be with her. That has been all I ever wished for, besides of course leaving the house. The moment she had moved in with Grandpa and I, I was ecstatic. So now, the opportunity to leave the house and be with her at the same time is the one thing I cannot miss.

"So, Ky," Cynthia kneels down to make eye-contact with me, "Do you have anything to say?"

"I'm sure you can do it," Grandpa encourages me.

Time appears to freeze. My head stops working, as if a thoughts don't exist. Even worse, my mouth seems to be clamped shut. I try inhaling first. Then maybe I can think of a word. It's not like I can repeat her or Grandpa, that wouldn't prove anything. Think Ky, think. Dread drills a pain into my head and makes the situation worse. There has got to be a word easy enough for me to say.

"Hi," I exhale. 

Yes. Yes. Yes! YES! Happiness floods my entire body and a huge weight is lifted. I can't help but wiggle a little in my excitement. My day has come. I'm finally free. I can finally live. I can finally see the outside world and experience life to the fullest. 

Meanwhile, Cynthia stumbles backwards dramatically. Her shock is as plain as the ceiling is white. Her wide eyes lock onto me as if she can't believe it.

"What!?" she stutters, "N-no! B-b-but-"

"He's coming with you," Grandpa says cheerfully, "It's settled."

Completely overjoyed, I sprint towards the table, leap onto it (right near Cynthia's abandoned plate, of course), and try out some more human words.

"Hey world! I am Ky!" I bellow, my speech ridiculously choppy. I then proceed to shove a good paw-full of savory mashed potatoes into my mouth. Who could possibly resist? 


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Sun Mar 16, 2014 2:42 am
AdjiFlex wrote a review...



Brilliant perspective, first thing. Loved how you kinda used the pet's point of view to give a kind of third-person feel for a good amount of the chapter. We can now see Ky as a character, as you have made him more than just some cute animal. (Could he be a pokemon?!) As Ky stammers at the "W" sound at his last line, we get the image that he is a dog-like animal, barking somewhat while trying to speak the human language. So a new dimension is now added to the story- animals can be ryges too! I think Cynthia's surprise is understated though. She should be running up walls and excreting cubic bars of concrete after finding out her pet is a Ryg.

While information is being taken in by the reader, my main problem here is that the plot hasn't seen much motion since the previous chapter. Your grammar and spelling, though not perfect, are actually quite good. Kudos to you for that- those things give many writers nightmares. Good chapter! I hope to see even better ones as I read on!

Keep writing.
Adam-Clay.






Don't worry the plot does move quicker. Cynthia is definitely excreting concrete bricks and climbing up walls, but she's great at hiding it, LOL.



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Mon Nov 18, 2013 12:07 am
EscapeToNeverland wrote a review...



I'M BACK!!!

I absolutely adore this chapter, Ky along with it! I love how you made a creature, something that seems so dumb and unimportant, so important! And he sounds adorable; I just wish I had a better image of what he looks like. *Hint* *Hint*

But I still think it needs a bit more description. This would have been the perfect time to describe Cynthia to us. And Grandpa. Well everything really, it would have been like seeing things through a completely different perspective. I like the way Ky doesn't call Cynthia and Grandpa by their names.

Though at the very end of the chapter when he says
'W-welcome w-w-w-world,'
To me that does not make any sense. Why is it that he is welcoming the world. Shouldn’t it be something like;
'Hi world nice to finally meet you,'
I don’t know that might just be me.

Anyway sorry about this review being a little short.
I look forward to reading the next chapter. Good luck writing!

xx
~Neverland.




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Sun Sep 29, 2013 11:25 pm
InfiniteSnowfall wrote a review...



Hey, hey, hey... Again!

So, yay! I just skimmed through this chapter real quick and saw a few great things already! First thing I noticed is you decided to write this chapter in Ky's perspective. And then I noticed the chapter is longer!

Okay, I'm going to actual read it now lol.

All right. Finished reading. This was really interesting. It's kind of confusing adjusting from a human/ryges' POV to a pomnik/lizards POV. At least I imagine him as a lizard. I'm sorry to say this, but I don't think writing in Ky's POV and second-person was that great of an idea. It's just really confusing for me.

However, you did a good job with the description in Ky's POV! For example, the collar. I felt like you really captured how he/she would feel as a pet.

I think that's all I have to say. I think you should stick to writing in the ryges (Cynthia right?( POV, but do whatever you like! Don't let me stop you. But I think if you want to keep switching between POV's, don't use second-person because it adds to the confusion.

I still did like this chapter! Keep writing, rainbowcabbit!

Yours till the Chocolate Chips,
Snow




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Sun Sep 29, 2013 1:10 am
OliveDreams wrote a review...



Me again. Here to serve another fantastical review sandwich for team red!

Things I liked;

I love that you're writing from the dog's point of view. It's a fresh idea and not something tht I've seen before here on Young Writers! I particularly like the line, “It's a weird thing, that collar, slightly strangling your short, soft neck.” haha it made me chuckle.

I also love love the line, “Excitement rings through you like the heavy vibrations that are created when one hits a gong.”

Here comes the next part;

I'm still not sure about writing with the word 'you'. I would really like to know more about 'them' and you could make it so much more personal that way.

I would also like a little more description with everything. What the grandpa looks like, what the girl looks like and even what the dog looks like! Maybe even a little more detail into what the house looks like too. This will lengthen your chapter nicely :)

Good luck again :)

Olive <3






Thanks :D But Ky is not a dog. He's a made-up creature that is mostly cat-like. I'll get to his description later.



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Sun Sep 22, 2013 8:52 pm
dragonfphoenix wrote a review...



GAAH!!! I'm glad I checked this even though I already knew it was only one sentence (at the time of this review). *sighs* And here I thought I couldn't do a review of one sentence. Well, let's dig in, shall we?

"What?" Cynthia blurts, her shock runs through the air and sends shivers up your spine.

Examination: Cynthia...her...you. Look at those three words. The first two are third person, and then you bring the narrative back to the second person. It should be written as follows:
" "What?" you blurt. Your shock runs through the air and sends shivers up your spine."
Glad I caught that while this was still small.

Hope this helps!






I'm not even done yet! <XD It should still be a draft... I was hoping no one would really see it yet, I'll probably change it, but I want to move to other characters telling the story. Is there a specific way to tell the reader that they are now seeing the world through someone else's eyes?





Yes, it's called a "break" and is typically accomplished by putting

***

or

~~~

And then you pick up with someone else. But if that's what you're wanting to do, then you're running into the big reason most people don't use first or second person. It's really limiting, and shifting PoV (point of view; perspective) is really difficult. So I would suggest rewriting the first two chapters in first or third person and then continuing on your merry way.
Hope this helps!





Thank you :)




I understand what you're saying, and your comments are valuable, but I'm gonna ignore your advice.
— Roald Dahl