Silver Night
Silver beams of frozen moonlight kiss the breast of the land,
Casting dancing shadows of swaying trees upon the Lord’s good hand.
Dying stars cry to the fading sun, pleading for a light
Sending shattered pieces of broken day into the broken night.
The wounded fawn from yonder hill stands and breathes the day,
The bitter man from down the street kneels by his bed to pray.
The poor boy sings,
The blind man sees,
The stubborn understand,
As frozen beams of silver moonlight kiss the breast of the land.
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Canary word: Present
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125,009 Literary Works • 672,839 Reviews
Loved it. I always enjoy poems that have to do with nature. You did a good job of using creative words to describe something that to some might just seem like a normal night. I had a sense of the whole picture. I could imagine a small town with the man praying down the street and the hill with the fawn rising in the background.
Thanks alot!
Hey there. Review for ya.
I absolutely love this poem. Fantastic job with the descriptive wording and figurative language. I especially like your line: "Silver beams of frozen moonlight kiss the breast of the land." Absolutely wonderful. It almost reminds me of the kind of description F. Scott Fitzgerald would write. But this is a review, so I got a few criticisms to give you too.
I do like your freeverse a lot, but with great freeverse comes a great responsibility (to quote spider Man's Uncle Ben.) Basically, any time you write a free verse poem, you have to make sure that your lines flow together in order to keep the narrative moving. This poem, as many free verse poems are, is largely a descriptive poem fabricated on your own observations, so I see how this could be less relevant. However, it's a little much when you go from the dying stars, to the wounded fawn, to the bitter man from down the street. It's almost like a Walt Whitman catalog poem at that point. Dont get me wrong thoug, I love this. Well done! You just got a follower.
Thanks so much!
I can see easily from this that you are a free verse poet, and I personally really like it. I grew up learning the boring rhyming stuff and had it thrown at me all the time, so I of course do support the free verse, and for a free verse, this is very nice.
I think the main reason that I like this is because I'm one of those weirdos that likes to stay up all night during a full moon and just look outside (yeah, I know, it's weird) But to see the lightning of the world is a very soulful experience (in my opinion that is XD) and the way you do catch that in such a short poem is a very difficult thing to do, and you actually succeed.
Congrats ^^
I also like the last four lines the most, I don't know why, they just speak very well, but in such a simplistic way that makes it easier to take in
Does that make sense?
Keep writing!
~Maddie
thank you!
Hey there. Great work here, can't wait to review!!
What I liked:
1. The imagery. You did a great job of creating seansual imagery throughout the poem. Great job!
2. The rhyme. The consistant and fluid rhyme scheme definately helped in strengthening your piece.
What I didn't like:
1. There is just this one line "Sending shattered pieces of broken day into the broken night" that is a bit off for me. It doesn't have the natural flow the rest of the piece seems to possess and it reads a bit choppy. Maybe I am the only one who feels that way but that is what I saw.
Overall:
Great simple piece. Holds strong and eloquent meaning without being too complex. Other than the one hiccup (which I may be the only one to see) it is a great piece. Great job and keep writing!!!!
thank you!