Young Writers Society

Loved it. I always enjoy poems that have to do with nature. You did a good job of using creative words to describe something that to some might just seem like a normal night. I had a sense of the whole picture. I could imagine a small town with the man praying down the street and the hill with the fawn rising in the background.

Hey there. Review for ya.

I absolutely love this poem. Fantastic job with the descriptive wording and figurative language. I especially like your line: "Silver beams of frozen moonlight kiss the breast of the land." Absolutely wonderful. It almost reminds me of the kind of description F. Scott Fitzgerald would write. But this is a review, so I got a few criticisms to give you too.

I do like your freeverse a lot, but with great freeverse comes a great responsibility (to quote spider Man's Uncle Ben.) Basically, any time you write a free verse poem, you have to make sure that your lines flow together in order to keep the narrative moving. This poem, as many free verse poems are, is largely a descriptive poem fabricated on your own observations, so I see how this could be less relevant. However, it's a little much when you go from the dying stars, to the wounded fawn, to the bitter man from down the street. It's almost like a Walt Whitman catalog poem at that point. Dont get me wrong thoug, I love this. Well done! You just got a follower.

I can see easily from this that you are a free verse poet, and I personally really like it. I grew up learning the boring rhyming stuff and had it thrown at me all the time, so I of course do support the free verse, and for a free verse, this is very nice.

I think the main reason that I like this is because I'm one of those weirdos that likes to stay up all night during a full moon and just look outside (yeah, I know, it's weird) But to see the lightning of the world is a very soulful experience (in my opinion that is XD) and the way you do catch that in such a short poem is a very difficult thing to do, and you actually succeed.

Congrats ^^

I also like the last four lines the most, I don't know why, they just speak very well, but in such a simplistic way that makes it easier to take in

Does that make sense?
Keep writing!
~Maddie

Hey there. Great work here, can't wait to review!!

What I liked:
1. The imagery. You did a great job of creating seansual imagery throughout the poem. Great job!

2. The rhyme. The consistant and fluid rhyme scheme definately helped in strengthening your piece.

What I didn't like:

1. There is just this one line "Sending shattered pieces of broken day into the broken night" that is a bit off for me. It doesn't have the natural flow the rest of the piece seems to possess and it reads a bit choppy. Maybe I am the only one who feels that way but that is what I saw.

Overall:
Great simple piece. Holds strong and eloquent meaning without being too complex. Other than the one hiccup (which I may be the only one to see) it is a great piece. Great job and keep writing!!!!