Hi, HT here to review!
He looms in the doorway with an aggregate stone upon his shoulder, facets in the rock facing fracturing as they collect.
I have nothing to complain about here, expect to tell you that today you gave me a small English lesson. I had no idea what the word, "facets" meant. I just had to Google the definition. Thanks for the free education.
We continue to work as things become even more droll, humor shared only between Em and I is often found distasteful by others.
Unfortunately, there is something slightly wrong with this sentence. It is two sentences rolled into one, separated by a comma. Yes, they relate to each other slightly, but not enough to make good sense. In the first section, you make it clear that the characters are ignoring each other, and then you simply say that they share humor.
Now, these two parts connect through the word, "droll" which implies that their day is droll do to lack of interaction between the two, because they share humor. You just need smoother transition, a different way to connect the two subjects so that together they clearly form one.
I love your use of the English language, how it almost seems to be from another time when people actually cared about what they said. I hate the lack of good language today. If you can't speak properly, you should speak at all. But who am I to criticize? Being a southerner, I have a really bad twang. But I can sound sophisticated if I choose to.
Basically, what I am trying to convey is that the language you used is very sophisticated, and it was a nice change from the norm.
I'm afraid though, that I didn't quite understand why you rated it 16+. I also didn't really understand the plot, mostly due to lack of content. I would like to see this either made longer or continued.
The questions I have that are unanswered:
What are the characters to one another?
Why are they at odds?
What did you mean by his thoughts are audible?
And why was Em piecing together the memories of the other person?
This was good, you just really left me wondering, and rather excited as to what happens next.
Peace,
HT
Points: 16710
Reviews: 394
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