Hello! Just a heads up first that I haven't read the other parts so I'm reviewing this without any knowledge of what happens etc. so take what I say with a pinch of salt. For example, if I tell you a character needs to be described more, but you've done that in an earlier part, then just ignore me!
Specifics
1.
This is a slightly awkward place to break the dialogue and the description of the voice is a little awkward. I think it could just as easily come at the end - we don't need to know at this exact moment what the voice sounds like. If the person is performing an action after part of their dialogue then it's good to insert it in the middle, but for general description, you should write the full dialogue first and then the description. Here's a quick example of a re-write:"Don't be frightened, Cathleen." A familiar voice that sounded like bells responds, "We're here to help you."
"Don't be frightened, Cathleen, we're here to help you." The voice is a familiar clanging of bells, but the speaker is not to be seen.
So what I've done is I've defined what kind of sound the bells make because all bells sound different. You get little tinkly bells or big booming bells so saying the person sounds like bells actually tells us nothing of their voice - you need to be more specific.
2. I think Cathleen agrees very quickly to let the faeries use magic on her. I don't know if this is because of an already established trust and love of them, but I'd be more concerned about the idea of 'thinking I was one of them' and probably ask if I got to keep my human memories or if they would turn me back afterward. Maybe if you made the running away feel more urgent then it would be easier to understand her quick acceptance, but at the moment it feels very relaxed and cheery. There isn't a sense of fear and so I'm not afraid that they will get caught either.
3. I'd like more description of how it feels when she's flying. I'm really liking your plot here, but I want to experience everything she does. Do her wings feel like a part of her, can she feel them moving, turning in one direction and then another or does she simply seem to float? Does she feel like the wind moves her or like she moves herself?
4.
Rebecca takes Cathleen's hand andleadsgently leads herintothrough a small door at the base of the branch.
5. I'd love some more description of the door - is it quite simple or really ornate? Does Cathleen wonder how humans can possibly not see that it's a door or does it blend well into the tree?
6. Do faeries still have different dress sizes and body shapes? Will the dress automatically fit her because a faerie is a standard size or do they need to measure her first?
Overall
I like this, but I'd like more description of the faerie world. I understand that Cathleen is concerned about her father, but there isn't really a feeling of heavy emotion and if you aren't focusing on that, why not focus on describing this new world instead? It all feels very light hearted and moves quickly. One moment she has just got here, the next they have a decisive plan to rescue her father. Things like that can take days to consider - if they want to involve her in it, or if they want to shelter her.
I hope this helps a little!
Heather xx
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