Young Writers Society

OK... I really like this. I think that even though this is short and not that long it is really good. You have given us detail and have shown us what you wanted to show us with little words possible. Keep going like this and I think that you will be come a great and wonderful author.

Hey there! Rebel to review.

I enjoyed this piece. You had decent description in the first two sentences. The sentence "For how will I explain the tear, softly caressing my cheek?" was my favorite sentence out of this piece. I liked it because most wouldn't come up with a creative way of saying that the character is crying.

There was one grammar mistake that I noticed. In the phrase "from the budding plants, to people's pants", the comma isn't necessary.

Overall, you had a nice piece. Keep writing!

I like your idea of having these mini short stories but this reads more like a poem no matter how I look at it. Be it the use of rhyme or the way it is phrased, I think the whole thing would be much more effective as poetry, laid out with line-breaks and stanzas and all.

This is going to be a pretty short review so I hope I can at least touch on one thing in particular which is some words for example:

tear- should be tears
eminent- the definition kind of fits but not really.

from the budding plants, to people’s pants.

Ziggie my main gal! (did I really just say that?) Here to review!

Okay I doubt this review will be very long because there's not much to comment on as this is flash fiction. I'll also tell you know I don't think I've ever properly reviewed flash fiction, but that shouldn't make too much of a difference because it's all prose, right? Anyways enough rambling and onto the review, I'll start off with what I liked. I think I mention this too much in all my reviews, but I think varying sentence lengths is SO important, I swear it psychologically keeps the readers engaged. I think here in this small space you've done an excellent job at varying the sentence lengths, and punctuation.

Those eyes; murky brown, no longer deep and soft- kicking me out

As I sit on the side walk, helpless and confused, I try not to think about it. For how will I explain the tear, softly caressing my cheek?

Hiya ^_^

I enjoyed this a lot, it's a style I've never seen. I am not a punctuation master by any means, my style is actually the less the better. I think there is actually too much here, although I do love the dashes. I tend to see past punctuation to absorb the meaning of the words. I also deal with mainly poetry, knowing this is a short story will require punctuation in places I would not know where to put said punctuation in.

"Winter is quietly shying away from everyone’s lips, and colour is now eminent" This part of the story is my absolute favorite. It's very strong, a great way to keep people reading on.

It's a very great short story and very unique. This sums up my very amateurish opinion.

JC

It was quite abrupt and confusing but fairly good I liked the ending

I like that you had a rhyme scheme is some parts of this short. Maybe next time you could try prose or even in poem form? Also its fun how you described things people don't often notice, like the color of peoples pants. Its their, but we just don't really acknowledge it.