Are you paying attention to what
crosses the page? Do you even
read like you had
once said? If you
stop sitting so close
to what you're hearing,
it might be possible to see us
contain our nervousness.
Pretend to be blind
or just hard of seeing, and
experience, whole-heartedly, this
trip we created.
Relax and listen. Can
you hear it?
I think you meant "whole-heartedly" rather than "heatedly" -- I like this though! A rather nice flowing acrostic poem.
Hello there Aley! ItsCharley here to give you a review! I do like this but I have a few things that bother me a bit:1. Acrostic poems usually have a capital at the start of each letter (line) So it would usually be like this:'Are you paying attention to what Crosses the page? Do you even Read like you had'2. Acrostic poems usually start a new sentence after every word, with this one its a bit all over the place.But other than those two things I did like the idea of, well done, keep up the good writing And Happy Review Day! XDxx
Acrostic? I've never heard of it, but the poem is really, really, really good. I'd like to know what your supposed to be listening for, at the last sentence. I don't get what this is saying, like at the top. Is the person your talking about watching television? Never mind that, poetry is too confusing to decipher logically. Gasp! I sound like Spock. Anyway, this acrostic method is very neat.
I like this. It's cute and fun. I'd suggest thinking about changing the title to something else, so you don't give away the acrostic part of the poem. However, a lot of people would miss that it's an acrostic poem then, so it'd be sort of a riddle, so it's something to think about.Parts of the poem I don't completely understand, such as, "do you read like you had once said?" and "contain our nervousness." The rest is all really, really good. You also kept a good flow through the entire poem; there's no lines that feel just too long or too short.There should be a comma after 'it might be possible to see us'I love the disjointedness between hearing and seeing. There's something about it that pulls you in.I hope this helps. Sorry it's not that long of a review; it's just too good of a poem. -tgirly
Hey Aley, I'm Alliyah here to review your poem!So, I have to admit seeing the title "Acrostic Poem" I was dreading something more like they make elementary students do with acrostic poetry, with just one word per letter, but you really added more sophisticated level to acrostic poetry. For the capitalization I like the first stanza how the only time the first letter in a line is capitalized is the very first one. I think it would add if you continued it in the secound stanza, by maybe changing the 4th and 5th stanza so that you could keep 'relax' un-capitalized. I love how the message of the poem is kind of like hasseling the reader about not paying attention, and I can imagine if a reader didn't read the title this could be frustrating! My favorite line(s) in the poem were: "Pretend to be blind/ or just hard of seeing" I'm not sure why that was my favorite honestly, I guess I just like the ring of it, and I think it added to the sarcastic/humorous/confronting tone of your poem. I think your poem is also sending a message to people who read any poem and are just like, "I don't get it." and it makes the writer want to yell the lines of your poem: "Can you HEAR it?" "Do you even read?" at least that's what I got from the poem. Thanks for posting, and I look forward to reading more of your work, I'm now a believer in acrostic poems again!!~alliyah~
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